#for dearest

Of falling.

For as long as i can remember

The worst possible thing

Has been that feeling

Before my body hits the floor.

When I know

That it will hurt.

I knew it wouldn't hurt when I fell for you.

I was not scared.

And you do love me, too,

But it's not the same.

I fell into you and you held me up.

You did not fall.

But you did catch me.

I pulled you into the back and just hugged you.

"helping or hurting?" I whispered.

"helping," you said. You hugged me tighter.

We stayed like that for a while. At one point you pulled me down so we were sitting and for what felt like hours I just held you.

I woke up melancholic. I am no one's someone. But for a moment, just a moment, I was yours.

I insist that I ask nothing of you,

and then I end by pleading.

"I need no reciprocity"

(please stay)

"I do not need you to love me"

(please stay)

"I can love plenty for the both of us"

(please, darling, please stay)

I cannot decide if this is hypocritical.

I'm not sure how to find out.

In the mean time, though,

will you stay?

I know no other resolve.

I never believed in fate.

When I use the word preordained

I do not mean it cosmically.

I only mean to map the lovely coincidence

that we are so well matched.

I do not believe in fate.

So when I tell you that I love you,

know that it is a choice.

I'm aware that you do not love me.

It is not something I am worried about.

I feel as though I've always known you

because you are so easy to know.

It's hard to imagine a world

where you are not my friend.

You might as well be my sister.

I do not believe in fate,

and I do not pretend to know all of you.

That is the fun of it.

So please, if you don't mind,

let us keep learning.

You do not love me. I do not mind. That was never really my goal. The goal was to let you see how brightly you shine, if even through my eyes. See, I think you're made of Diamond. Strong, and reflective, and at the right angle I can see right through you.

I think I'm made of Sandstone. Easy to break. Easy to etch. But also everywhere. I refine myself into individual flecks of sand so that people can see through me. I let time recompress me into stone and I do it all again.

Most notably, though, I etch my love into my very being. Diamond and Sandstone make that awful easy. I write of your brilliance that you might see through your strength and understand. You try to keep up with my ability to crumble. My dear, that is not the point. I never wanted you to break the way I do. I still don't. I just want you to see the shine.