#follower prize

It didn’t always work. 

But, she didn’t want to drag others down into the abyss with her. Nobody deserves to feel horrible because she did. 

So, she isolated. 

She had always felt this way… for as long as she could remember in her childhood, there was always that lull of darkness haunting the back of her mind just waiting to pop around the corner and drag her down into it. Aurora was twenty-three now and by this point, it was a game of cat and mouse that she was far too used to. 

In spite of the fact that she now had more friends than she had had in the past with the RFA, it still seemed as though she was alone in this stupor. They were all solid as a rock, a unit, people that took their challenges with grace no matter how emotionally devastating or difficult it was. She idolized how easy it was for them. Most of all, she thought of how strong Zen was, he had run away and built himself up from the absolute bottom to where he was right now without the help of anybody else. 

Zen. 

Her heart swelled and ached when she thought of the man that she had recently begun to call her boyfriend. Her first real boyfriend that she considered, the kind of guy that she had always dreamed of, not one that she ever believed would come into her life. As much as she loved him and cared about him she didn't want to drag him down with her… not like this. 

Not curled up on her couch crying underneath a blanket in the dark. 

She had failed again, and she told him a fun that she just hadn't felt well and that he needed to stay away for a few days so he didn't catch anything. He had believed her at face value over the phone and promised to see her when she felt a little better.

It was better that he not get interrupted when he was working so hard on his next show. 

He was everything that she wasn't. 

He was handsome, popular, and had a smile that could charm even the hardened and coldest of hearts. Whereas she was always fidgeting, keeping her eyes downcast, and hiding in the biggest of plush hoodies and a fake smile on her face. He was a master on the stage and she could barely hold her pen to the paper most days. She was the bottom of the barrel but she didn't believe she could ever reach the level that Zen had. 

Why he had ever given her the time of day was beyond her, Aurora just didn't understand. 

She had dreams that seemed to be forever out of her reach.

She could barely manage to publish a single work of her own yet. It wasn't for a lack of trying, she had been writing and submitting her pages to a company after company, publisher after publisher but to no avail. 

Notes of pleasantries that more or less said, “Thank you but we're not interested at this time.” 

It didn't seem as though anyone wanted to read the words of a pleasantly plump woman with a lot on her mind. That failure wore on her so hard. She did her best to hide it when she was with anyone but it was always there, that depression, unwavering and undaunted by any of her attempts to escape its tightened anchor. 

Aurora rolled over on the couch and sighed, wistfully. It was lonely but this was what she was used to, what she expected. 

She closed her eyes and wound up dozing off. 

Zen had been worried about her that entire week, she had barely been talking to the others, let alone him. Sooner or later, he had to make sure that she really was alright. The minute that she didn't answer his call was the time he decided that he was going to see her whether it got him sick or not, he would bounce back fast if that was the case! 

It was little to nothing to him to make sure that his girlfriend was okay. 

When nobody answered the door right away, he found the one that she had lent him not that long ago and put it into the lock, turning the knob and calling out into the apartment, “Aurora? Hey, babe, are you alright? You didn't answer my calls.” 

He found her bundled up in a heap on her couch. He tentatively pressed a hand to her cheek but found that it was normal to the touch. He did find that her face was damp and that it seemed as though she had cried herself to sleep. That didn’t sit well with him. Zen knew that something was amiss but if she hadn’t told him about it then it was something that she didn’t want to talk about. Instead of waking her up at first, he went about piecing her apartment back together and taking care of what had been abandoned here and there. 

He had really brought everything that he thought she was going to need. So, he made sure to get the food going, and once that was taken care of and started, he went ahead and drew her a bath. While he was tidying up that’s when he found the rejection letters that she had put aside. He had been able to put two and two together, why she had been acting strangely, and why she had withdrawn from everyone the other day. 

Her dreams were being crushed. 

That was heartbreaking, but Zen believed in her, and he knew that one day she would get to where she wanted to be. There had been a time when he felt suffocated because of his failures, and he knew very well what kind of pain that Aurora must have been feeling. 

He just wished that she knew it was alright to talk about it to everyone. 

The curtains were pulled back at last in her living room, and the light breathed back into the room. 

The light danced across her eyelids and caused her to stir awake. She opened the blurry eyes and rubbed them when she noted the white blotch in the corner of the room. “...Zen?” Her voice was soft, a bit groggy from sleep. “...What are you doin’ here?” 

“You never answered my texts.” 

“...Oh. Sorry. I just...” she trailed, off. 

There really wasn’t an excuse she could make up. She really just didn’t have the energy to even grab her phone and fib. 

Aurora sat up and the blanket spilled from her shoulders and landed on her lap with a soft thud. Her hair was a bit messy and she was barely put together with a big shirt and socks. It was the most that she had mustered when she crawled out of the shower the other day. She was suddenly very aware of her disheveled state, as she lowered her head and her cheeks began to burn hotly. 

Zen had paid no mind to that. 

He strode over to her and pressed his lips to her forehead. “I don’t know what’s been bothering you, babe, but I’m here now. Let’s try to make your night better, first. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, let’s just enjoy ourselves, alright?” 

Aurora reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Zen sighed, shaking his head a bit in mirth. He knew that she had her own struggles, but he wanted her to lean on him when she needed someone, just as he knew that he could do the same when he was struggling. 

“I’m sorry,” she croaked. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, princess, you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve done everything right,” he reassured her, instantly. 

Her eyes began to feel wet again. 

“You’ve been having a hard time lately. I get it.” 

She had thought that she had cried out whatever she had left, but it seemed as though the tears had come back when she was finally with Zen. “I wasn’t sick,” she mumbled underneath her breath. 

“Huh?” 

“I shut you out... I wasn’t sick, or anything. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve just been so sad about... everything. Nobody seems to want anything to do with my work, and it seems all so pointless now. I guess I really am no good. I’m just no good, Zen, you shouldn’t bother yourself with me. You’re going places and I’m... not.” 

Zen shushed her as gently as he could. It pained him as much as it pained her but he would keep that brave face up. “You’re perfect, Aurora. You’re always doing everything that you can for others instead of yourself, you’re selfless, brave, and always there for me when I need you. You’re always there for the others as well. I can’t think of a single terrible thing about you, and if you feel anything otherwise, I’m sure I can dispute that feeling. It’s hard right now but you have me behind you. You’ve done everything you can for me these past few months, Aurora.” 

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “So, let me be there for you, now.. okay?” 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked, the nervous glint in her eyes unwavering. 

His smile was assured. “Of course. Now, I’ve drawn you a bath and I’ve got dinner going. Go ahead and take it easy, I’m going to be here all night until I’ve got that smile out of you again.”