things below the cut no real tws this time
im just kind of laughing forever because i just don’t know how else to react because a family friend just sent us some really old photos because one of my brothers just graduated from highschool and it’s funny because I just about had a goddamn flashback when I saw them.
My mum started rifling through these pictures of my brothers and the other family friends dressed up as characters from the nativity and I was just completely struck and consumed with this feeling over overwhelming shame. I remembered very distinctly the telling them “no I don’t want to be anyone” (as in i didn’t want to dress up and act) because I was convinced that I was fat and that I should be ashamed of that fact.
A) I wasn’t fat by any fucking stretch of the imagination
B) There’s no reason I should’ve been fucking ashamed
C) I was fucking ten at the time
I’m so done with my mom. It was funny because she kinda nudged me asking, “what’s up” and im like i rly don’t want to go into a rant about how much i’ve hated myself over the last decade no thanks to you.
friends please stop telling me to love my mother. maybe someday I will forgive her for being a right idiot, but for now I need to fix my own shit.