That's the punch line to a joke involving Gideon Jura and the rest of my FNM deck. What follows is more serious: shorthand tournament report and thoughts on the UW Miracles deck. I do not currently own any UW duals, so I played it with 4 Evolving Wilds and basic lands. Surprisingly, this worked out perfectly. I had no relevant mana color issues all day. I had lots of other issues. Just not those.

Round 1 - Ian w/ UG Infect

Ian hears the pairing and gets depressed, assuming he's going to lose. I tell him that I'm playing a bad deck. Game 1 I mulligan to five, never get anything for Miracle and lose. Game 2, he and I both mulligan. He keeps a not-so-good hand. I keep a Gideon, which I play on turn 4 via Pristine Talisman and he loses to Gideon, effectively. Game 3, he curves out Elf, Lash, Artful Dodge. I Ponder looking for a two-outer Divine Offering, since I can play a blocker the next turn and then have Gideon and so on. I hit lands, shuffle, draw, hit a land, die. I mulliganed three times this round.

0-1

Round 2 - Dan w/ Delver

This is the worst match for Miracle Whip. Everything in your deck is a 700 cmc Sorcery. If they can flip a Delver and Leak/Snap, they can generally get there unless you run insanely lucky on Miracles. He is playing the variant with Champion of the Parish, which also gives him another "nut draw."

Game 1 is surprisingly hard-fought. But, I end up flooding and getting 7 land in a row, seeing no Miracles and slowly die to a Delver. I think I mulliganed this game as well.

Game 2, I board in 11 cards. He flips a Delver pretty early. I win the game in turn 4 of extra time after casting a total of four full-value Timely Reinforcements, getting a nice Pike blowout with Divine Offering and eventually playing enough Angels that he runs out of Vapor Snags and Snapcasters. Fettergeist was an MVP, getting me through flooding yet again by making several attacks unprofitable.

0-1-1

Round 3 - Joe w/ RB Vampires

This is a new guy. He's playing an un-sleeved, 70ish card pile of RB vampire cards and apparently no removal other than Act of Treason. Mana Leak, O-Ring and Gideon get there two games in a row.

1-1-1

Round 4 - Ben w/ RB Undying

This is a Blood Artist/Killing Wave deck, but runs a ton of Undying creatures, most with some kind of evasion. It also runs Bone Splinters and Barter in Blood. Luckily for me, Terminus is really good against Undying. Also, this round taught me how critical Ponder is to the deck. In the prior rounds, I had seen maybe two Ponder total and they all blind-shuffled away garbage. In this match, I was able to set up Miracles a few times and they went the distance. I had one mulligan this round.

2-1-1

Thoughts on the Deck

I don't think I like Miracle Whip. It's possible I played it poorly, so I'll probably give it another shot. But, mostly I think the deck is extremely high variance. It floods easily, but it also needs large amounts of mana. It's very slow and sometimes you just don't hit Miracles and the deck largely does nothing. However, when it works it's very rewarding. Nothing quite like spitting out ten Angel tokens.

Also, I got to ultimate Tamiyo for the first time on paper (did it once on MTGO beta with an Orim's Chant in hand). My opponent did not conceded, so I got my first taste of true power. Machine gun Ponder is pretty sweet, as is semi-infinite Mana Leak, etc. Regardless of what deck choices I make in the future, they will include Tamiyo.

What I want to try next is UR control. However, I cannot find any Bonfires locally to trade for or borrow. I'm not sure the deck will work without them. So, I may run Miracle Whip again, see if I play it better or shuffle better and go from there.

I just went 3-0 (6-0 in games) at FNM drafting Innistrad/Dark Ascension. I drew the last round, but we played it out for fun.

I started out in white, but it was clearly getting cut. After two picks, I decide to switch and see a foil Immerwolf. So I grab that. But then I get passed Havengul Runebinder, so I decide to try for UW. Then I get a Fiend of Shadows, so clearly black's open. Long story short, I end up sort of behind on a plan, but deciding to go UB and end up getting a mid-pack Zombie Apocalypse (why not?!).

I open a Bloodgift Demon in my first Innistrad pack and pick a Murder of Crows over an Endless Ranks of the Dead. Which is a trap card. Hilariously, I end up wheeling Endless Ranks of the Dead and playing it anyway. I end up aggressively grabbing every Zombie I can get, including a Ghoulraiser and a Ghoulcaller's Chant since I have some nice bombs. I also get a Geistcatcher's Rig, 2x Dead Weight, a Griptide and Silent Departure and some pretty solid two-drops.

I was incorrectly nervous about the deck, since I think UB is tier 2 and I'm pretty sure some Lingering Souls and Drogskol Captains were opened at the table. My plan is very, very grindy. But if the game goes long, I liked my chances. I probably underrated Havengul Runebinder when looking over my list, although I correctly passed on Makeshift Mauler twice for cheaper zombies that didn't eat dudes in the yard.

At any rate, I start out playing against UW Skies. But it looks like a few people sitting close to each other were all fighting over that so it wasn't the strongest build. I 2-0'd that. Next round, I played against another UW Skies with 2x Drogskol Captain but not many token makers. He also had a mill sub-theme going on. Apparently he did pretty well with that. Against me, he just fueled my Runebinders and found me value, so he ended up siding it out. 2-0'd that. I played the final round against the undefeated BW deck with Lingering Souls. He basically flooded out two games in a row and although he managed to kill my guys, I managed to keep bringing them back and I 2-0'd that.

I did not cast Zombie Apocalypse, although I did board it in once against Geist-Honored Monk. Endless Ranks of the Dead made a total of 4 Zombies in three rounds. That card is still awful, but the late plan in draft left me without anything to really play in that slot. I didn't want to run Spiteful Shadows, obviously.

FNM tonight was Standard. AKA, "win packs to draft with" format. I played my BW tokens deck with random filler cards in the sideboard again. The main change I made this time was to run 2 Sorin, Lord of Innistrad instead of one and to run 2 Honor of the Pure instead of 2 Sword of War and Peace, which ended up in the sideboard.

Round 1 - Patrick w/ Mono-Blue Mill - on the draw

Next month, we have a rogue FNM where everyone has to play a brew. Patrick was getting a jump on R&D.

Game 1 - I'm on the play and bowl him over furiously with tokens and virtues, despite two Dungeon Geists.

Game 2 - Patrick has to mulligan. However, he hits land drops and I get on the bad end of a Jace and Wurmcoil with insufficient pressure. He Jaces me three times and then kills me with Increasing Confusion.

Game 3 - I come out swinging with tokens and Virtues and crush.

Round 2 - Tom w/ UW Delver - on the play

Game 1 - I keep a land with two land and plenty of action. Unfortunately, I miss 4 land drops in a row and scoop to Batterskull when I brick on the land to O-Ring it before he untaps. I wasn't dead and it was a bit premature, but I didn't want to go to time, considering this can be a drawn out match.

Game 2 - I do my tokens and Virtues thing. We each get down fairly low, but I Vault back up to 16 (see what I did there?) and win the game.

Game 3 - I start off with a mulligan but my hand is pretty strong. He gets down an early Geist and takes me down to 2 before I stabilize with tokens and Virtues. On a critical turn, I want him to tap out for Batterskull and pass, in case I draw a swingy card. I have a Revoke in hand. I tell him that a Batterskull will wreck me here. He plays it. I untap and Revoke. I feel bad, but we consult afterwards and he says that it was still the correct play either way. So I feel less bad. At any rate, he goes down to 1, but if he draws a Vapor Snag, I die. Luckily, I top deck a Mortarpod like a total sack and Germ him to death.

These games were all brutal and grindy, which is what I expected.

Round 3 - Ian w/ Freeeeeeets - on the draw

This is a dangerous match to play before the final round, since I am borrowing cards from Ian. However, he is a true champion and does not force-DQ me!

Game 1 - Ian has the nut draw into Elesh Norn and kills me before I find removal.

Game 2 - I have the nut draw with turn 1 Nihil Spellbomb, turn 2 Mortarpod to kill his Birds and win easily.

Game 3 - I don't have any graveyard hate, but I have a Mortarpod to kill his Bird and this slows him down long enough that we play a real game. I am able to get a Virtue down, which allows a single token to survive Elesh Norn. He plays Elesh Norn three times and I have Tragic Slip, Go for the Throat and finally an Oblivion Ring. He does not have any action after that and I take him out with tokens.

Round 4 - Mike w/ Wolf Run Naya - on the draw

We are the only 3-0s, so we ID and then play for fun. I hate being on the draw for this match. For the record.

Game 1 - He does the Wolf Run thing and obliterates me. I actually had action, but he had main deck O-Ring for my Hero of Bladehold. Duly noted. I actually could have O-Ringed his to get my Hero back, which may have made a difference. But we weren't sure after the fact. It was a punt either way.

Game 2 - He has a slow start with Nexus into Crag tapped and I pretty much get there with my tokens.

Game 3 - This is a pretty real match. I am mostly in the driver's seat, but take a hit when he O-Rings my Hero. Then I ring his ring. Then he rings it again and finally I ring his ring and get to start attacking. His two Huntmasters are no match for my Hero of Bladehold w/ Vault of the Archangel machine and I am able to kill him for exactsies post combat the next turn with 6 lands and a Mortarpod from 4 life.

3-0-1

I win some packs, which I am saving for the team backdraft in April.

Thoughts

Despite the lack of basic Islands, I continue to be impressed with the BW tokens deck. It has nut draws, is fairly consistent, can operate reasonably well on low mana and has a surprising amount of reach. The only changes I would make after this event would be to properly complete the sideboard. I just need to drop Timely Reinforcements in there, I think. Obviously.

Just got back from FNM where I went undefeated for "three" rounds and then drew in the finals. I played UB control and had about half the deck. My last round opponent was the gentlemen who was gracious enough to lend me the cards. We were both undefeated.

For the deck, I started from the list that David Shiels used in GP: Baltimore. I then sat down and made a few changes:

First off, take one Liliana out of the main and swap it to the sideboard for a second Nihil Spellbomb.

Actually, that was it. I agreed with everything else. I just really like an extra Spellbomb for the mirror, Solar Flare, Lingering Souls decks, Frites, blah blah. Good value against a ton of stuff.

So anyway, it went kind of like this:

Round 1, I get a bye. My second standard FNM since before New Phyrexia comes out and I don't even get to play one of the games! Horrible.

Round 2, I play against UG Self Mill. Both games I start with a Spellbomb in hand, and both games I draw into and play a Curse of Death's Hold on turn 5. In the first game, Curse was a four for one. This match felt like I was pre-boarded. Each time, I just killed with Consecrated Sphinx.

Round 3, I play against an Esper Unburial Rites "Solar Flare" deck. This match was epic. I managed to handle an early Wurmcoil Engine with two Go for the Throats staring at me from my hand and mocking me. The game was very tight and went for about 40 minutes before he conceded to save a few minutes. I had him to the "mill to death" stage. Post-board, he took a mulligan probably looking for a faster line of play. This game, he had to kill me. I sat back on answers and ended up sticking a Bloodline Keeper towards the end. We went to turns and with a Phantasmal Image I was almost able to kill him again with a flipped Bloodline Keeper but was a turn too slow.

Round 4, I mentioned above. ID against Frites, then win a long first game played for fun. Answered every Lingering Souls and Unburial Rites in the deck and then milled him out. Played a lot of Snapcasters into Elesh Norns just to Morbid up my Tragic Slips.

So I got a sweet Tectonic Edge promo and my packs had some decent (but not insane) stuff finally. I got all excited to trade up the rest of the deck, only to find out that all the cards I need are like $400 a piece. Darkslick Shores. Seriously?