#fluff rambles

| silly idea of putting stickers on wally's face bc its something I'd like to do and just a tiny fluffy ramble |

today was a lazy day for you and wally , resting up on his couch while some lovers' rock (which seemed like one of wally's favorite genre of music)played on his record player. he had been doodling on the palm of your hand and even colouring in some of them with some markers he found stored away.

“ dearest , where did you find those stickers? ” he asked as he kept his attention on the apple he was colouring in on your hand. “ oh! julie gave me her extra and they're these cute glittery smiley faces! ” you smiled which made wally laugh in his usual strange tone.

After a few quiet minutes you took one of the stickers and placed it where wally's nose would be which made him jump and stare at you blankly. “ ha. ha. why did you do that..?” he asked as he pressed on the sticker but didn't seem to mind much. a laugh fell from your lips as you suddenly placed another one on his cheek then his other cheek causing him to blush a bit. “ awhh you look adorable! ” you say as you cup his face with your hands. he only leaned into your touch without a care in the world as you placed on more sticker on his forehead before leaving small kisses on his face making him get into a giggle fit.

“ dear that's plenty of kisses- you're going to smother me by the time you're done. ” wally hummed as he playfully pulled away from you only causing you to pout. well that was before he suddenly cupped your face instead and left small pecks on your face. “wally!-” you laughed as you wrapped your arms around him but this didn't stop him from practically covering your face in kisses.

Ough, that's a good one!

Since the delcatty's out of the bag, I guess I can be more open about how Plasma affected me. Since I was taken in so young, I didn't have much opportunity to learn how to think for myself, and I struggled with bodily awareness and identifying my own emotions. But... stories helped me realize how to feel again. I would use warrior skitty comparisons to try and contextualize my own feelings at first, but it wasn't enough.

Media analysis started as a project my therapist gave me, since I was getting frustrated with my inability to identify my own emotions, and our sessions were sort of hitting a plateau. Which is to say, they asked me how my day was, I yelled that I didn't know and started crying, and I'd spend the rest of the session on the couch snuggling my therapist's vulpix. (Baby Fluff was not very emotionally stable lol)

So I started looking for stories. I got a bit into vocaloid-- a couple favorites of mine are the medical anomaly, rolling girl, irony, yellow, and good kid medicine. It gave me words for what I was feeling, proof I wasn't the only one to feel these things. Suddenly I wasn't alone, I wasn't crazy or exaggerating, I had songs that spoke to me. Someone else out there knew what I was feeling and said it better than I could.

Hatsune Miku got me through some rough times, y'know? And the warrior skitty AMVs-- gods, that made up the rest of my music taste. I was never very good at art, except maybe in trying to copy the anatomy drawings because I was bored, but there were incredibly talented people out there. They told brand new stories, or put a twist on existing ones. I never knew there were so many stories out there!

And then there was anime. I couldn't handle anything with fanservice-- bear in mind at that point, I hadn't yet had The Talk, I just knew it made me uncomfortable. So I mostly watched kid's shows, and there was one magical girl show that looked cute.

It was, ah. Madoka Magica, if you're familiar with it. But the grief and hopelessness, the way the girls try to cope with pain and being fundamentally unsuited for something, the loneliness... and later, it's revealed that one character, who actually looked a lot like me before I cut my hair, had a heart condition and low self-esteem. She felt useless, she...destroyed herself for a chance to save someone who was kind to her. And then the bittersweet ending-- that the world can have love and hope even if it sucks. It made me think... maybe it was okay for me to live. It gave me a lot to think about, and holds a special place in my heart to this day.

I started making progress in therapy again. I'd walk in and say something like, "I think Mami Tomoe probably has a lot of guilt because she survived and her parents didn't" and somehow the conversation would turn to the fact that I wasn't taking painkillers like I was supposed to. And maybe it was because I felt like I didn't deserve it.

🦇 Sorry for the lack of content. I’ve been forced to take up more hours at work for morning shift. On top of that I’m taking care of my parents’ house and my grandmother while the folks are on vacation.

🦇 What little time I’ve had for art has gone a digital piece I’ll be posting to my main account. It’s not batim related

🦇 This expression sums up my recent feelings about life and people in general.

🦇 …..