#flockofsiegels

Until she does, and then she can’t take her eyes off of them. For three whole days she stares at them whenever they are in the same room, until finally her dad says something. 

DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM? He’s tucking her into bed and he’s about to read her a chapter from her book, as is their normal nightly routine, when he says it. 

WHY DID YOU GET THEM? she asks. 

Her dad doesn’t answer right away, instead he busies himself with folding the blanket that goes over her chair. She wants to demand answers, but she also thinks that this might be a quiet moment where she’s not supposed to say anything. 

Ms. Madison at school says that people need quiet moments sometimes. She doesn’t understand why, but she’s never questioned it before because it gets Bobby Fisher to shut up for a few minutes. She wants to question it now, but thinks that would be childish. She’s in fourth grade now, which means she’s practically a grown up. 

Finally, her dad turns around to look at her. 

I DECIDED I NEED THEM, he explains carefully. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR SISTERS AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I’M TAKING CARE OF YOU. 

YOU TAKE CARE OF US REAL GOOD, she signs with a smile. YOU DON’T NEED HEARING AIDS TO LOVE US. 

Her dad smiles at her that smile that makes her feel like she’s missing something. That smile makes her feel like she’s still a baby. She doesn’t like it. 

I KNOW I DON’T, he explains, patting her hand comfortingly before she can get too worked up. BUT WHEN I WEAR HEARING AIDS, IT HELPS ME HEAR CARS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. I LOVE BEING DEAF, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT WEARING HEARING AIDS DOESN’T MAKE ME LESS DEAF AND IT MAKES YOU MORE SAFE. 

She stops to think about that. She’s never been told that hearing aids are bad. Plenty of kids at school wear them, though she never has. Her dad’s have asked if she wants them and she’s always said no. Her dad doesn’t wear them so she doesn’t. She just assumed that was what it meant to have Deaf pride. But perhaps, having Deaf pride was about more than refusing to wear hearing aids. 

IF IT DOENS’T MAKE YOU LESS DEAF, WHY DIDN’T YOU WEAR THEM BEFORE? 

HONESTLY? he asks, and she immediately nods, feeling excited. Like she's about to hear a great secret that she’s always been too young to hear before. YOUR GRANDPA ALWAYS MADE ME WEAR THEM AND I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO BE HEARING. SO WHEN I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE, I TOOK THEM OUT AND NEVER PUT THEM BACK IN. 

GRANDPA WANTED YOU TO BE HEARING? she asks, shocked. Her grandpa never gave her the impression that he loved her any less for being deaf, not like some of the other kids at school say their families act. 

HE USED TO, her dad explains. THAT WAS BEFORE HE REALIZED THAT IT’S OKAY TO BE DEAF. 

I LIKE BEING DEAF, she signs. She knows not everyone at school feels that way, but she thinks it’s the coolest thing in the world. She gets to go to the best school ever because she’s deaf and uses sign language which is so much cooler than talking. It makes her part of a family… the Deaf community family. She doesn’t think there’s a hearing community, but bets if there is it’s lame. 

He smiles at that and kisses her on the head. 

YES, WELL. I GUESS I REALIZED THAT I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE TO ANYONE THAT I LOVE BEING DEAF ANYMORE. I USED TO THINK IF I TOOK OUT MY HEARING AIDS, IT WAS LIKE SHOWING THE WORLD THAT THEY COUDLN’T CHANGE ME. BUT THE WORLD CAN’T CHANGE ME AND I’M TOO OLD TO NEED TO MAKE A STATEMENT. 

YEAH, she signs as if she completely understands, though she doesn’t. She thinks she’ll ask Mrs. Madison about it on Monday. 

I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE MIRACLE, he signs, tucking her blankets in tight and giving her a kiss on the forehead. 

I LOVE YOU, TOO, she signs.

DADDY, she calls out, just as he’s about to close the door. He looks at her expectantly. IS IT OKAY IF I STILL DON’T WANT HEARING AIDS. 

IT WILL ALWAYS BE OKAY, Blaine signs. YOU KNOW THAT.