I am so tired of the default state of the world right now is just cruelty. If you're a poc, no part of the world doesn't hate you. If you're lucky, you won't be killed for being born above an oil source or some other stupid material. White people can't fathom that other people who don't look like them deserve to have happy lives. If I don't give my blood, sweat and tears to the white people who would rather I be dead then I will die sooner than later. If I say anything out of line, like this post, I'm probably going to get doxxed if my employer finds it at some point. Or if not my employer some fucking asshole who hates women will find it.
You can't use social media cuz its addicting, my attention span is shit as a direct result of it and I'm only in my mid 20s. I have friends with EDs thanks to social media, there are girls who died because of EDs but tech bros have no responsibility for that of course.
My account is going to get hacked through no fault of my own, because tech bros thought selling my data is more important than their heated gold plated toilet seats. I'm in tech and I still can't do anything to stop the evil deeds of the tech bros of my industry because I need money to pay the bills. I can't get a job in a different field because we killed them. If I want to have a life where I dont have to worry about basic human needs then I need to kick some poor human being somewhere who is already suffering cuz we've made the only two options of living to be absurd wealth or poverty. This is not even getting into my desire to give back both financially and mentally to people who supported me this far. I donate when I find myself really emotionally down as a way to both stop myself from doom scrolling and to feel like I'm still a good person.
But how can I call myself a good person? The money and bills I pay are killing someone else and I still pay them cuz I dont want to die either. I might not be the one pulling the trigger but some white dude somewhere is taking my money and hurting someone else with it. I told myself as a kid to not worry about tech being everywhere cuz even as kid I never expected better from the people in power, so I made myself believe that we can never be better. Watching people be surprised that the people in power are awful was kind of hilarious. They clearly never knew oppression of any form.
I'm older now than I ever was and I still wonder, where is my own sense of cruelty? Why don't I want to oppress anyone? Surely if all the adults around me told I'd understand when I'm older surely I'd think the same cruel things that they do right? But I don't! I hate the world but I don't want people to be suffering, I hate the world but I still have empathy. I hate the world and I still want better from it!
I just want the haters to just leave everyone alone. Why are you so obsessed with power and money and cruelty? Where did your humanity go? I grew up with the patriarchy on my neck and I still have empathy for men, I still treasure the men in my life who truly want the best for me, how can anyone grow up so cruel? I don't understand it. I grew up being both bullied and the bully but the minute I had actual power I dropped the latter and made amends and worked on my fucking myself. I never want to be the bully again. I know I never will understand people who don't reflect on their actions but I want to stop saying that its okay that our trauma's made us cruel. Its not! Where is your moral code for fucks sake?! Stop fucking using the cruelty of the workd to justify your lack of empathy! Get a fucking grip, and act like a fucking human being, you are not the only being on this planet so start fucking acting like it.
