#flippingout

What I’m wearing: shorts and a t-shirt because it’s October but somehow 93 degrees in LA.

What I’m eating: Sushi and Jalapeno kettle chips

What I’m drinking: a glass of cab

Going in…

We already know this episode will be about Siggy circling the drain just a little more. No clue where this is coming from, especially because she was the Housewife to beat popularity-wise this season. I also hope Danielle will do something with her jet black hair. What’s more offensive, the solid black hair or Margaret’s pigtails? A question for the ages. Here we go!

Act I

Margaret is throwing a party for her ‘cosmetic byags.’

Ugh these Housewives and their house renos! Enough already!

Siggy’s husband is making meatballs. I like that he’s present this season. I think producers predicted Siggy would have no one else to talk to. If she cries into these meatballs so help me God. Revelation: Were the crabcakes too salty because Siggy cried into them?!

Dolores is folding clothes… that she ordered? And they arrived in a moving box? Also, the kitchen seems like a normal place for this.

Frank Sr. has the agility of Arnold Schwarznegger.

Meanwhile at Teresa’s, the Gorgas do manual labor. I don’t think Teresa’s dad should be helping lift that solid dresser.

Heading over to Envy. Siggy blocked Margaret on social media… This is episode 3 and Siggy has already digging that hole deep. Also, Jill Zarin blocked me on social media. #victory

You know what, good for Siggy declining Margaret’s invite. Especially because she loves the cameras so much. That had to have been hard for her.

Coming up… Siggy pulling her hair with crazy eyes! I can’t wait.

Shahs reunion promo… this will be epic.

Act II

Back at Envy… Siggy hated being called Soggy Flicker. I’m so upset I didn’t come up with that last season.

Dolores and the Franks at dinner. Frankie Jr wants to make it work with his gf at college… I’m going to take a WILD guess how that’s going to go.

At Joe and Melissa’s… sad mom storyline.

Siggy and Teresa have some wine. Here we go! Ok, so Teresa just said, ‘Can I have a cabarnet?!’ and one just appeared. How come whenever I do that, the waiter is like, “Uh, we have a lot. Which one?” I’ll never be Teresa.

I don’t believe that Siggy and Margaret ever really knew each other. Siggy is psychotically angry.

Act III

Joe bought a restaurant. I feel like Joe’s business ventures are very Tim Allen from Home Improvement… super hair-brained and comedic, yet his house is GIANT. What am I missing?

Something tells me this restaurant story is headed to, “I’m trying to fill a void because my mom is gone.” I shovel spicy cheetos into my mouth to deal with tragedy but to each his own.

Ahh it’s about the dad, I was close!

Guhhh Teresa’s gross lawyer is back! I don’t trust this guy!!

Teresa just made a tree pose joke and everyone is like “HAHAHAHA! Just give us your money.”

Publisher lady is like, “Be honest about your struggle!” And Teresa is like, “What struggle?! Everything’s fine!” Classic Teresa.

This is Teresa’s sixth book?! I need a Harry Potter style movie franchise.

I love that Margaret’s friend comes down the stairs from the 1950’s like, “Margaret!! The oven’s broken!!”

Melissa getting ready. “I can’t believe he’s trying to get out of the party. This is a potential new friend of mine and this could be good for my business!” Two great reasons why he’s not interested.

Of all the Housewife husbands, Joe Gorga is the most comfortable around gay men and he gets a lot of points for that.

Next on… ugh Siggy and Dolores ‘goofing around’ for the cameras. So rehearsed!

Flipping Out promo. That kid can SCREAM.

Act IV

Margaret prepping for her party. Her hair is in rollers. Bet you anything she’ll just wear her hair in pigtails anyway.

(POURING GLASS #2 OF WINE)

Dolores comes to Siggy’s. Housewives history shows that there is nothing sadder than the two women not at the main party having a cutesy sleepover.

Guys I was right Margaret is in pigtails!

The aesthetic of this party… waffle fries, balloons, confetti. Missing the theme.

Margaret’s mom reminds me of Lydia’s mom with the straw hair of Kelly Dodd’s mom.

Siggy just laughed SUPER hard at Dolores reclining in a chair. How many times in her life do you think Siggy has laughed really hard and then it just turns into a desperate cry?

I want Danielle to show up somewhere and then a person goes, “Ah a witch!” Just once. THAT HAIR!

Strategically I do wish Dolores jumped ship and left Siggy on her own.

Ugh Dolores and Siggy dancing.

Content of all Househusband conversations: “These women and their fighting, amiright?!” Cut to Joe physically fighting Joe Giudice.

Next on… Siggy calls Margaret, “The bitch with the pigtails who I fucking hate.” Not a good look, Siggy!

Act V

I applaud Dolores for bringing “perfunctory” to the Housewives.

I do think Siggy should take that mask off now. She’s going to wash that thing off and it’ll just be her skull left.

Siggy: “I won’t put XO Siggy, that’s phony!” Yes Siggy, no one could ever accuse you of being phony.

Margaret just arrived to meet Siggy with a geisha parasol that accomplishes nothing.

The fact that Margaret let Siggy introduce her to the group and then turned her back on her immediately is, to be honest, amazing.

Margaret is really holding her own in this diner argument. She’s winning a lot of points!

Act VI

If you’re Margaret, and you know you’re going into a lunch with a crazy person, and you STILL order an omelet and are determined to sit there and finish it… you deserve a permanent spot on the cast.

Siggy smiling through this argument feels strange…

Margaret’s apology is nice. Siggy had to cry to get her way… not so nice. 

Next week…

Because...why not? tbt