Might do some rambling once thoughts become words that my thumbs can type,
All in all to concluded the plot I went out last night to watch the "fight of the decade"
I actually thought, I fucking thought this was gonna be a serious left hook to the system but no it's another limb of that 8 strike,
I ended up having an fight about what I call practical and mechanical strenght using examples that were too close to home for the other person to difinerate example from attachment, my case the construction worker that weights 180 is stronger than the person who works out at the gym who is 230,
Their debate was that muscle by weight has more lifting power having more strength
Mine is that the construction worker that's working as exercise and the person training has different muscle types or density, I forget what I actually said, but this turned into a long fight, lasted longer than 4 of the 5 matches,
Because this person was a friend, I say was because after things said last night this person is clearly not a friend, yeah I lost a friend I didn't have, so thank you again disillusion,
If you know anyone that you haven't seen in a couple years, please do not dismiss their progress and project their past version as present,
When someone doesn't know the answer for any or multiple reasons they are stuck in a mental loop, it might be months or years to get out of this loop, they may appear to be in the same situation they have been in and not physical progress is seen doesn't mean that someone isn't progressing internally, and that's where the biggest fight is and most don't or won't even take a peak let alone step inside and start doing the work,
I don't have any friends, no true friends, not one, I just lost the last one I thought I had,
Right now I don't know if it's because I am not friendly or it's because I don't care what I look like or how I appear as long as I feel comfortable and happy, people don't like this, no one around me likes this, yet they wonder why I don't want more for myself, what more do I or should I want, apparently I have no I dea what it is,
Or this is all my and my subconscious making a mountain of an ant mound, it's all in my head,
I messaged when I speak do not come across how I meant them, the words I use have a different meaning to me than other people, is it gaslighting, I don't care anymore, I'm wrong, I have been all along and now it's the process of accepting and just relearning,
All in all I don't don't what I am doing or what to do, I have no direction or desire to "want more", I am just waiting to die, and it's been years of waiting, I'm not suicidal it's against he rules and people like me are a bit of a sticker of rules, I have been thinking and thinking of a way around or some loophole, of or when I find it, you'll most likely not hear from me again, and for that we can all be grateful,
I love myself like I love a flower,
The thing in common is I know both won't last long but while they last they were beautiful,
Loving and loveable, but am I friendly
Don't worry, when I go I will leave a note that would lead people to this account and they can read and then understand (maybe) what I was really going through,
I don't want people to charge for me, I want people to change so they treat the next person better than they treated me,
I do wonder if in 30-40 years will I stumble across these in my next live, if I am here, who knows where in the Universe we wake up when we take that eternal rest,
I don't really expect anyone to read this, this is just a diary of whatever, for anyone who did read this I pray your day brings you something that makes you feel good inside that warms your spirit, I don't care if your socks are odd and ones inside out or up and down or over your pajama pants, if it helps make you feel comfortable content and safe in a world that has so much pressure on it just do it, do what makes you feel good, to hell with what anyone thinks about what makes you you, you are perfect the way you are and they say there's no just thing as perfect
Well guess what, we fucking human, the biomechanical beings here anywyi thing, sorry for any other highly sentimen being that is humans aren't away of at this present time,
As a human we are flawed, get it, we are alllllll FLAWED, so flaw your flaws, claw with claws,
It's what makes you you, it's why we have different faces, we are a similar but not exactly the same, so be your genuine unique self,
Please, for the Love or the Light of the Source
Do your best to be you, there's no one else like you,
That's the first thing I love about you,
There's no one, not one other person in 8 billion is like you,
And that's why the clones didn't use numbers they were assigned, they were more than just numbers to be discarded in a war they didn't sign up to fight but were created to fight it anyway,
We are all fighting our in inside, and that's enough,
You are a survivor, now glow and shine
