#flashlit

I'm sorry if I could not even bear looking at you in the mirror for I no longer see myself in you. Your eyes were always excited to meet the glorious ray of sunlight sneaking behind the window pane. Remember when you used to stretch your arms in front of the mirror, figuratively giving yourself a tap in the back? It was your way of convincing yourself that it was going to be a great day. Your lips once held powerful words you needed to hear, and you would be fine a minute after. You were once a tough guy. You are your only prerequisite; you needed no one to free yourself from the worries that had been eating you up last night.

I'm sorry if you have to feel that no one needs you in any possible way. I'm sorry if you have to fail over and over at things you love doing the most. I'm sorry if you have entrusted your heart to wrong people. I'm sorry if they had to break you countless of times. In fact, I lost count already of how many times you had to drown yourself in pillow and shout because the pain was excruciating. I'm sorry if you don't feel at home in your own house. Oh God! I remember you sneaking a piece of meat on the table because you were really starving. I'm sorry for the nights you had to sleep with wet pillow; your eyes just could not pull the tears back for it was too heavy. I am sorry if you had to look for a family in people whom they do not carry the same blood as yours. I am sorry for the unfamiliar places. You surely know it, you just had to unfamiliarize yourself to it because the place you once loved visiting now carries nothing but haunting memories.

Lastly, I am sorry for the indefinite time I had to give you to have yourself fixed. I am terribly sorry if I could not give you a certainty if you could still be fixed for this has been a familiar battle you once fought behind doors, but I am not sure if you could still have your way back breathing.

I could have forgotten you entirely if it wasn’t for the nights of realization; if it wasn’t for the time struck through mishaps, discontent and unparticular account of self-loathe; if it wasn’t for the need for a ceaseless reminder.

Despite the myriad of cringe as I zone out my life in macro perspective, I still look up to you as my constant reminder; of how far you have gone way past from becoming feeble, cringe-worthy, and emotionally wrecked traversing the natural process of puberty and maturity. You held dearly of your fragility. You tried your hardest to pull off an outward bravado to steer off from people to see through you. You were ashamed of your skin. You were scared of people seeing you bare.

I am extremely grateful to have met you. But as honesty seeps, I wouldn’t have the slightest desire to be you again. So just remain intact there in the past while I bravely deal with the present.

Dear Present Self,

Cheer up. Do whatever that’s good for your soul: inspire, create more arts, taste all the flavors of tea, decorate your room. Write more. You are an art yourself. Take a little more time to look up the sky at night and see the beauty of the stars and the moon. It’s your favorite thing to do.

You are created to be mighty. You are meant to face greater battles in life. You’re a wolf as you always claim to be; fierce and strong. And always remember: you will not die unless you become who you want to be. You want this all your life, so fight for it. Juggle life and death all at the same time. You may have the need to take a total hiatus from all the family gatherings, friend invites over wine and nachos, and all that is, but they’d surely understand that there is no other ultimate reason from the need to take a time off but them, you and for your future self.

Dear Future Self,

Don’t screw up. Okay? Or maybe it’s okay. Maybe you are already used to screw up by this time. But don’t get weary troubleshooting all the possible adversities that life has to slap on you. You have fought so hard to get to where you are at this time. So you shall never grow tired to fight even further. You are already honed by great trials in life. You must know how to get away with this.

Leave me a single word or a short phrase in my askbox and I'll write a drabble on it.

Please?

Robert with Blackberry in Kitchen