Ranking Scout ships but it's based on how Spy will approve of it. Bc i think it's funny when he gets all protective for being an absent father
Starting from the bottom is Soldier: Very obvious here, war criminal, basically homeless, has a raccoon for a pet for godsake. Way to into joining a war then anyone should be really. He's a lawyer yes, but everything else just can't be ignored. He's also very loud, he needs someone who can tune Scout out not match his energy.
Sniper: Same reason, he doesn't care if Sniper's an aussie or a kiwi. Everything else about Sniper is relatively...okay, at least he has enough manners, just keep it away from him. But that can't exactly happen when the jar pissing, van life, hunts for his food, man is dating his son.
Saxton: Way too old for Scout, also way too dangerous for him as well. While yes, is rich so it able to provide, but he can also provide Scout death as getting into deadly situation is literally his hobby (srry if too short idk what else to say about Saxton)
Medic: While yes, way to old for Scout. At least he knows that Medic will treat Scout right. Provide for him protect him heal him, really just keep Scout in check when he's getting too reckless. But he also knows that Medic is bashit crazy and wants to experiments in ways then just science. And he sadly knows that Scout is more then willing to comply.
Engineer: Similar to Medic, Engie can provide, protect, defend, and keep Scout's head out of clouds. But...he's from Texas...Now don't give him shit because he said he didn't care if Sniper's Aussie. Being Texan is a whole different thing. He's been there unfortunately for way longer then he'd like to admit. And he does not like the place, and some of the people there. Kind people really, but also messy people as well.
Demoman: A real good drinking buddy, but a boyfriend? To Scout? Very hit or miss, on one hand, he's hardworking, attentive, responsible. But from what he's learned he has many jobs, meaning that Demo's too busy for Scout. Also a very heavy drinker, he knows that Demo would never hurt Scout in his state of drunkness. But he does know that Scout is someone that can easily be influenced and thus become a drunker as well.
Heavy: The man's an actual good candidate for dating Scout. He's smart, strong, knows how to provide, protect. Can keep Scout down to earth. He just finds importance in things that really shouldn't hold that much importance. Sasha? Sandwiches? Really? If there comes a time where Heavy had to choose Scout over Sasha. Spy knows that Heavy's choosing Sasha, sure with hesitation but he still chooses a gun over an actual being
Pyro: Pyro's a very respectable man. He can keep up with Scout while slowing him down, overall get along with Scout the most. Always hanging around him and being able to share most of Scout's interest. It's just...the pyro vision really, Spy thinks that might effect Scout somehow. Also the fire, but Pyro's a professional.
Miss Pauling: Now there's someone who can check off all the boxes. Can provide, can protect, can take care of, can defend, can put Scout in his place when need be. She's also Scout's age, perfect woman really. If only she wasn't practically married to her job.
