Oh, nothing. Zero.

So I won my first soccer game as a coach yesterday.

Of course, I've won many football matches before. Many of them as a player, and some as a manager. But this was my first in the States, the first using an entirely new set of words, my first in charge of a girls' team and, as it happens, the first on a turf pitch. Sorry, field.

It was an emphatic one, too.

5-0.

I was very proud of them and it was no more than they deserved for their hard work.

But here's the thing. According to me, we won five nil. But no one else there thought that. It's not that they can't count, or I'm including a disallowed goal or anything. Just that Americans don't use the word 'nil' in sports.

Lots of them use 'nothing'. Which bugs me, because it's not a number.

Some say 'zero'. Which is better, but still a bit of a mouthful.

Others go for 'oh'. Which sounds weird.

'We won five... oh!' As if the person speaking is saying their team won five games and then just realised what a feat that is.

And here's the other thing that grates: the word 'to' between the scores. It's unnecessary, ambiguous (it also sounds like a number!) and takes longer to say than it should. And here I was thinking Americans take shortcuts when it comes to speaking and spelling. What if we'd won five one instead?

'What was the score?'

'Five to one.'

'No, I asked for the score, not the time.'