Jan 4
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Barely enduring
"I have been enduring intense conversation with myself, and as part of this journey I wish to read you something I have written from the deepest regions of my soul."
I’m always enduring intense conversations with myself, Armand. I get it. Armand doesn’t normally come out with me on a Thursday, but he sneaked with me today.
Nicolas: Did he say anything else? My Dad?
Lestat: He said, um… “Tell him I love him… and that I’m proud of him.”
Nicolas: What did he really say?
Lestat: He said, “Help him to be a man.” … But he said it without the stammer…
Nicolas: Hmm… Are you gonna teach me to be a man, Lestat de Valois?
It was love.
I wasn’t my love for Louis, Daniel.
But it was love.
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Alright, someone said when I improvised for the love bit they wished I’d done it for the whole section, so let’s go. Â
“In the moment… the words were true… I think… I remember the light, the fireplace reflecting golden onto his face, and his bare arms.”
I can barely play for it. Can I play for it?
Nicolas’ expression in the final moment… it’s hard for me. The hairs raise on my arms.
I left the score piano in this time, as it’s gorgeous. Is it a Daniel Hart composition I am ruining? Or is it already a piece of music? I don’t know. I actually know so little music. If I didn’t play it, I probably don’t know it. Do you know, music wasn’t a big thing in my home. My Mum says she doesn’t understand music, and my Dad adored Frank Sinatra… but basically we listened to Frank Sinatra on Christmas Day and that was it, aside from whatever music I found completely on my own. Anyway, if you’re thinking I might be The Source on pieces of music, I’m not. I fear I know so little about anything at all! Hahaha! The Fount of No Knowledge!
Anyway, I played with it on piano and violin.
Yeah… much as I love that I wrote about a poker with respect to Nicolas… I just don’t believe the death here. Did Nicolas choose to go into the fire himself? Because Gabriella’s expression clearly indicates it isn’t full truth somewhere… Hmm… What am I supposed to think or feel? And yet it is such sorrow either way.
“He said, “Help him to be a man.””
Stab me in the gut.
I feel weird playing with this. I wanted to make it simple. I wasn’t going to play today at all, but anyway.
Joe and Sam’s work was so beautiful in this episode.
I want to wait to talk about Nicolas until the end of season 3, but I will say I fully believed Nicolas was playing the violin. Whatever work went into it, it was a complete success.
This episode was a lot for me. Forgive me for taking time before talking on it further. Xxxxx
Today is book-Nicolas’ birthday as I decided (I chose today as many of us who love Nicolas were born in March & today was my Dad’s birthday too.)
Anyway, happy 268th, Nicolas. True immortality is your self still existing so others feel. 🫀🎻