This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...
It was the first summer rain this year and I couldn't help but miss you.
Do you remember? You used to share your umbrella with me every time it rains. And I would notice your shoulder getting drenched by the rain just to make sure that I stay dry.
Today, I forgot to bring my umbrella again. And I could imagine your annoyed face now that I caught a bit of cold. My nose is running and my throat is itching and my head is a bit light headed.
But I had fun playing with the puddles under the pouring rain. And I realized I have been catching a cold every time it rains. But I have been coping.
All these times since you've been gone, Railey, I learned to do everything on my own. And though I do them while I'm missing you, I realized that I could do them now, even without you.
I now learned to wake up on my own alarm, though there were still days when I seem to be locked inside my dreams from time to time.
I still lose my hair tie every now and then, but I learned to wear my hair in a bun using pencils or clips or anything I find lying around.
Watching movies alone still isn't as fun as watching them with you, but I am doing alright. I would just imagine you with me and everything will be fine.
But I never dared fly a kite anymore since you've been gone. Because without you, I know that I will never be able to. And to be honest, I never really want to try.
And maybe I do these things because I want to make you proud of me. I'd imagine you caressing my hair whenever I do something good and I will be alright.
I have been doing my best to live my life without you, Rai. But sometimes, it didn't feel as if you were gone. Because I wear your memories around me like a blanket all the time.
And maybe it has been so long without you that I think I have learned to do more things than you this time. But I would just imagine learning them with you and everything will be fine. Because to me, you are all around me, Rai.
But as I stare at the ceiling of my room, waiting for this cold to subside, I realized my blanket getting heavy and I am burning up inside. As if it was suffocating me and it's getting hard to breathe.
My head is aching, and my throat feels like its burning. And I realized that my cold is getting worse and that I'm not at all alright.
And today, I knew. That even when I imagine you with me, I'm not going to be fine.
Missing you is like this cold I'm having, like getting drenched in the rain. Though I had fun playing in the puddles under the pouring rain, I knew I would get sick and maybe lie in bed all day. That all the time I'm missing you, I will never be okay.
