#firststeps

“A look. If anyone hands me even a single tiny Eppendorf, there will be smashed windows and I won’t apologise or pay for them.” Taken aback, the two men trailed after her, confused at the unnatural outburst.

She could hear Steve ask Tony what an Eppendorf was and normally she’d have turned around and explained but she was in a mood. Nothing to be done about it.

She turned only when they stepped out of the elevator Tony had taken them up on and he silently led the way to one of the in house labs. On other days, Adonia could spend hours on end in them, but not now. The stress had been eating her head off, and not being able to sleep wasn’t really helping with it.

The three of them entered an examination area, where James was leaning against the headboard, staring into space. “Why him?” was the first thought to flit through Addy’s head before irritated confusion took its place. He sat up when the three of them came in, and said, “Well, Stark, am I being released or is there another evaluation you want to do?” He raised his eyebrows at her, and it annoyed Addy to no end.

“We need answers to why that happened, Barnes, and who better than her-”

“If you’re not going to tell me what 'happened’, I might as well go get that sandwich and some sleep”, Addy snapped. She’d had enough of the twisted words. “Come on, Stark, what’s the problem?”

“Bucky lost control of the arm today. You needn’t have worried about smashing things, he already did that’s already done,” Steve replied quietly. “He did what?!” Adonia now turned to the painfully handsome man sitting with his face ravaged by guilt. “What did you do, James? What happened?” He looked up at the two boys, and Addy in turn gave them a silent command to leave them alone.

“I don’t know” were the first words out of him.

This was going to last even longer than she’d thought. Addy rubbed her eyes. Settling down on the chair opposite him, she kicked off her heels and tucked in her legs under her.

Bucky didn’t miss any movement, it was like he was fixated on her feet, memorising every little thing about them. Bucky, she thought of him as Bucky already, but she called him James. Nicknames felt too personal and she wasn’t ready for it yet.

“James-” “It’s Bucky”, he cut in.

Addy bit her lip. He wasn’t helping matters.

“How about we just talk about what happened? Can you tell me who was here, what you were doing?”

He released a sigh, as if he was tired of the same questions everyone was asking.

He looked away and shifted where he was sitting, half turned away from Adonia, who was trying not to lose her patience.

“It wasn’t even here. I was in the lounge, just… doing nothing. Everyone else was busy with their stuff, Peter had popped in to say hi in between somewhere and everything was as boring as it gets.” A pause.

Addy fought against squirming in the chair and waited.

“I think Nat had texted with her strings of photo faces that I still can’t understand and then a call came. I hadn’t glanced at it, I just thought she’d called to explain the text, but it was a man. Selling some mixer juicer. I don’t know what happened after that, I lost it.”

“Lost it?” Addy had her head on the back of the chair. Definitely a migraine coming on.

“I don’t know what happened, but one second I was fine and the next second I’d thrown the coffee table to the other end of the room and split the cushions. I think some stuff went through the windows too.”

He managed a sidelong glance at Adonia. She just nodded to continue. Sleep, she wanted to sleep so badly.

James was picking at his jacket sleeve as he mumbled out,“ I may have hurled a man into glass doors when he came to see what the noise was.”

“You did WHAT?!” Adonia sat up straighter.

“Yeah, he was the first to come in, it didn’t go well and I’m sorry, okay, I’ve said that repeatedly. I don’t know what had gotten into me.” He looked at her then, his beautiful crystal blue eyes laced with guilt and sorrow and the frustration of not knowing.

Adonia had never been able to hold that gaze for too long before feeling like she was drowning in the blue. She couldn’t hold it now. Her brain was spinning, trying to come up with any possible explanation. She’d been called in because she specialised in neural cell signalling. They thought the Hydra programming was resurfacing, she realised. They needed her to confirm it.

James watched her for a couple of minutes, the clever mind he was so in awe of since he’d met her working at an astonishing speed. It was like he could see the theories she was considering and dismissing. He thought it was the most wondrous thing he had ever seen. He’d scared her, when he

talked about flinging the man. He saw it in her eyes, warm like freshly grounded coffee, before he saw her believing him when he’d said he was sorry. He truly was and would have hugged her then and there for being the only one who’d believed.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” James asked cautiously, hoping his voice didn’t betray what he was thinking.

Addy jumped out of that daze of knowledge she’d filed away in her brain. That beautiful thing, Bucky thought before pushing it away.

“I…I have a few things I’d need to confirm before I reach a conclusion, so I can’t really be sure right now what to say to you,” she said sheepishly. This fucking migraine.

James released another sigh and Addy snapped, “Stop that.”

“What?”

“Sighing.”

“You want me to stop sighing? Why, did it hurt someone?”

Now she loosed a sigh of her own, rubbing the heels of her hands on her forehead. She was the picture of exhaustion, except for the look in her eyes when she raised her head.

There was something fierce in her face as she said, “It doesn’t help matters when you think you should be in prison or something at the drop of a hat.”

“I didn’t say any of that”, James countered.

“You were thinking it, I know,” she said as she got up and picker up her shoes. Fucking heels. “I have tomorrow off from the lab so I’ll run some tests, if you don’t mind. Then we’ll see.”

“Tony won’t be too happy to wait till tomorrow for answers.” Addy almost smiled at the look of surprise on his face.

“Then Tony can deal with it himself. I can’t handle any more Eppendorfs, I think I’ll hurl myself into a glass door if I see one now,” she said as she picked up her bag.

“What’s an Eppendorf?” James asked, as he stood and rolled his shoulders. He’d been sitting, waiting for that punishment, for a long time. He’d lied to Adonia when he’d said he wasn’t thinking like that and he was a little pleased she’d known it.

“Vial. Please don’t make me say it again, I hate them for the day,” she said as she headed for the door, holding it open for him to leave too.

“I should be holding it open for you,” said James, resting his metal hand over her small one.

“Oh please”, Addy was rolling her eyes.

So close. He was too close. It didn’t help her with the matter of thinking straight.

“After you, darling,” James drawled. Teasing her, if only to banish that weary look from her cute face.

He smirked as he saw the word work it’s magic as she straightened, tried to avoid looking at him and stepped out. She waited till he’d walked out and then almost smashed through the sensor as she locked the lab with her fingerprint.

Adonia noticed James’s toopleasedwithhimself expression and it irked her to no end. “Where’s the nervousness gone, Barnes?”

“Well, you assured me I wasn’t getting thrown out, so why should I hold it to my chest?” He was unabashedly grinning now, something he rarely did and she almost never saw. It took her breath away.

They got into the elevator and made it to the lounge floor, Adonia trying to ignore the fact that her head felt like a plane had crashed multiple times on it and James trying to puzzle out her pained expression.

“Something the matter, darling?” he asked finally, as they stepped out.

“You trashed a perfectly nice lounge and you ask me if something is wrong?” She immediately felt guilty for the jab as he winced. “Just a tiring day at the lab. Sorry.”

Tony looked up from where the rest of them were sitting and beckoned them closer. “Figured anything out, genius?”

“I’ll need to run a few tests to confirm what I suspect, but that’ll be tomorrow. I’ll also need his vitals from right after for it,” Addy said, hopping on her bare feet, trying to remain standing though her ankles felt like jelly.

“Oh? And why not today? It’s just 8 and you live here so it’s not like you have to get home late,” Tony turned his chair at them.

She felt James preparing to answer but said before he got the chance to open his mouth, “I’d warned you, Stark. No vials. I want to sleep. Goodnight y'all.”

Addy turned to go to her suite, feeling like she could sprint to it, when she heard Tony say, “We need to keep an eye on you, Manchurian Candidate. Can’t have another incident.”

“Yeah, I know, Stark.”

“I’ll have some security posted out your room and have AI monitoring-”

“You will do nothing of that sort.” All of them jumped at the fury in Adonia’s voice as she whirled around, her face filled with rage. “You will only aggravate whatever happened, and he isn’t a monster, Stark, so don’t you dare.”

Everyone was taken aback by her anger, they’d never known her to lose her temper. She’d fumed earlier but had never outright shouted at them. James looked as though he might have kissed her. And it was that look that checked her and she said a little more calmly, “Supervision to prevent destruction, yes. But don’t be like he’s some twisted monster who’ll tear everything apart. He’s human, he was brutally tortured and he’s just started healing. Don’t undo it. He’s one of us, treat him like it.” With that, Adonia turned and walked away, not trusting herself to keep her emotions in check anymore. The dull pounding had increased to excruciating pain. She’d need a whole jar of painkillers to get through the night. She wanted to cry.

She hadn’t noticed James following her back to the elevator noiselessly and only realised when she was in it and punched her floor number and he rushed in just before the door closed.

“What now? I just want to sleep, so please don’t let it be a long story.” Her voice felt like someone had run a tractor over her vocal cords.

“It’s not a long story,” he looked sheepish as he said it. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For saying I’ll run tests tomorrow?”

“For believing in me. Even Steve sometimes looks at me like I’m a terrible wild beast, like I’ll rip apart everyone around me. Only you don’t. Only you think I don’t need sentries and round the clock observation. Only you think….think that I don’t want to hurt anyone.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat before continuing, “So, thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for treating you right. Everyone else should too and I’ll make them do it, at gunpoint if necessary,” Addy said, glaring at the elevator controls to focus on speaking, anything other than the man beside her, and the pounding heart which now joined the pounding in her brain.

They had suites on the same floor. Addy glanced at the adjacent door, noticing it locked still. Ames would have helped sort things out, but she’d been gone so long.

James noticed her looking at her best friend’s door. His gaze softened even more as he lifted her chin with his metal hand, the vibranium cold against her skin. “She’ll be back soon, to torment us to death with her stories and lame jokes. Don’t worry.”

Addy smiled at his words, “She has the lamest jokes always, more lame than even Old Man Steve’s” and James thought his heart might explode with the warmth that spread through his chest at that little smile.

“Goodnight, Adonia. And thank you again,” he said as he let go off her chin.

Addy turned to her door and looked back with her hand on the knob, which unlocked at her touch,

“Don’t thank me yet, I still haven’t run the tests.”

“What time do you want to do it?” James crossed his arms against his chest.

She thought for a while and said, “9, after breakfast.”

James only nodded and smiled at her as she made to go in. He strode towards his own room across the common landing, clearing the distance quickly with his long strides.

“Oh, and Adonia?” he called out as she’d been about to close her door. She paused. “Have an antacid pill along with the painkiller. And have them both only after you’ve had food. I told them to send dinner up to your room. I’ll know if you had the meds before eating.”

She’d thought she’d make a meal out of the biscuits and sweets she stocked in her room, and had dismissed the craving for a hot meal when her body had stopped cooperating at all.

So when he said he’d ordered food up, and the antacid she’d forgotten about, she realised, it wasn’t false gratitude shining on her face. She’d have run across the gap separating their rooms if not for the migraine and her aching legs and the exhaustion that the insomnia bouts had brought with it. So she beamed at him instead as he smiled back, pleased at being able to wipe away at least a little worry from her face.

“Thank you, Bucky, and goodnight.”

It was only after the two of them had shut their doors and Addy had had her dinner and meds and had sunk deep into her mattress and numerous quilts that it hit her.