#firstprxnciples

                          ❛ ᴍᴇʀᴅᴇ!! ❜  

   Though his presence was not unwelcome, it did come as quite a shock as Mischa turned around, gripping her chest at the sight of the man.

Character Solidifying Questions: Accepting.

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

Bedelia’s deepest disillusionment actually happened when she was quite young.  She was bullied often when she was a young girl for a variety of reasons, her looks being one of them (very large spectacles, especially for a girl of her tiny size, along with old, worn-out clothes did not help her out much) and her shy manner being another.  Growing up, Bedelia did not have many friends, instead spending most of her time with herself.

But she wanted friends.

When she was in boarding school, her very first year, the bullying continued as it had like normal.  However, there were a handful of students - Bedelia included - who had to stay at the school over the winter holidays (either because their family did not have the money to bring them home (as in Bedelia’s case) or they had no desire to return).  Bedelia spent the break studying and, on a whim, cooked something small for each of the others who were there.

It was Christmas and she knew if she felt homesick or lonesome, then her classmates probably did, too.  Why not share?

For the rest of the break, the students who were there were her friends and she thought, when school started up again like normal, the bullying would end and their friendship would continue.

Instead, the bullying grew worse and she was expected to cook for the other students on their whim.  Their friendship might exist during the holidays, when there was no one around to judge them for being friends with such a lowly thing, but during the school year?  Fat chance.

As a result of that instance, Bedelia...gave up on the idea of friends and friendship.  She slowly began to stop talking as a result of the bullying, which was something she worked on later, but she never really considered that other people wanted to be her friend simply for her instead of what she could or might do for them as a result of their friendship.