#findingmytrueself

Fihttps://youtu.be/KBRIvaq_990

Along with my therapist, I watch Ralph Smart videos to help me in between my sessions. I discovered that a lot of my issues have to do with my EGO so this month I want to get it in check. 10 things Ralph said to do

1. Stop assuming. In my job I catch myself assuming things mostly about the adults around me. I have learned that some of my bad assumptions about some people turned out to be wrong, and unfortunately vise versa. I also need to stop assuming who I am and actually get to know who I am. 2. Power. I have been working on realizing that the world does not revolve around me, and when people do things that I don’t necessary agree with or I think is against me, I have taken time to take a step back. I realize that maybe something is going on in their lives, and that it really isn’t to hurt me. 3. Finding out what the EGO feeds on. His EGO feeds on fear. I believe mine does too. Each video he makes it aware that what we actually eat determines how we feel. (He’s a raw vegan) I am thinking about trying it. He says that LOVE is what will set you FREE, and I desperately need that.  4 &5. Letting go of Control. Everyday I will tell myself that I am not in control of anything except how I see/love myself. I cannot control how people see me. My worth is not determined by how people perceive me. (Ralph suggests that we go out more to actually realize that we are not the center of the universe) Realize that “Life happens even when you are not there.”  6. Look at old pictures and see how you used to look compared to how you look now. I am going to do that today actually. As I look at myself, I am going to see if my EGO has increased since then, and i can tell you now that it has. (We are so consumed in trying to prove ourselves as greater) but as children we are free. One of my homework assignments for therapy is to write to my younger self.  7. Look for the heart connection. (Realize that we are more alike than different)This is how I know I am meant to be somewhere helping the world. I do not believe we need all of these things that separate humans. For example Ralph mentions having no borders. We  8. Respect that everyone you meet is a mini universe. I have to respect that everyone is a universe and has their own destiny. Other people have their own reality, There is not one correct way to live. Once we discover that one and your universe combines in harmony, it will be a magical thing. 9. The EGO isn’t always bad. The EGO can be your biggest cheerleader: The EGO can be that boost that you need to make a leap and a change. It can boost your confidence and still be humble.  10. Become present: The EGO lives in the PAST and the FUTURE! I have caught myself doing that in my head a lot. I am always thinking of the past and the future. I forget to live in the present. The EGO dissolves in the present. On my way to work, I try to be present. Last week I started to do it. Meditation is a way to be present. If we spend too much time stuck in the past or focused on the future... We cause anxiety issues, We cause panic attacks. We forget to live in the moment. 

Day 4: It’s simple… Love is the answer. Throughout this piece I thought about my past and I began to love it because it’s what’s making me who I am today. I thought about past mistakes, lovers, heartaches, disappointments, and best decisions. Each event happened for a reason and changed me for a reason and for that I have myself to Love. So loving myself will answer a lot of unanswered questions.

Day 3: Today was a simple page with such a powerful message. Lately this task has been very difficult for me in fact, some days it felt impossible to do. I have issues with holding on to things that happen in my dreams. Last night I dreamed of a hypothetical situation and it hurt me to the core. I often wonder why my subconscious is so hurt, but then I realize it’s because I’ve suppressed so many feelings… that the only way to deal with them is in my dreams. Since I decided to let everything go, I still have these hurtful dreams HOWEVER, I have learned to shake them off when I awake. This process is so hard for me, but I am making it. I take the negative thoughts and bad dreams and I dissect why I feel this way and I embrace those feelings. Then eventually I become okay. I am striving to think more happy thoughts.

Day 2: I really want to color a picture everyday. It teaches me things about myself that I usually ignore. Today while coloring I caught myself being lazy. I didn’t want to color every detail. I asked myself why did I have to color everything? Why not leave something white? I got a little frustrated with myself. Why can’t I leave something blank? Why do I have to fill in something? As I thought about that a memory popped in my head. Every time I’m in an enclosed environment such as an elevator… I have to make noise, sing, or talk to someone. It’s like I can’t stand the silence. As I colored I tried to understand why I can’t take silence. The answer is… is that I’m not sure why silence scares me… or is it because I equate silence with emptiness? Is being silent the same as being empty or does a hit dog holler? Or can I be both? Am I able to be silent and vibrant? I believe so. I’m going to try to work on it. I plan on using this time in my life to be okay with silence and deal with everything that seems to make silence unbearable. Coloring can be a great release and I’m loving it so far.