#finding nemo!au

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“He’s gone,” the clownfish mutters finally. “He’s gone.”

“It will… be alright,” the other fish answers awkwardly. “Depending on your issue. What is your issue?”

“He’s gone,” Dean moans.

“I think he should be back soon.”

“No, you don’t—they fuckin’ took him, man. Just snatched him up in a big white boat-”

“Oh,” the angelfish puzzles. “Well, I’ve seen a boat.”

“You have?” Dean demands. “A white one?”

The angelfish smiles. “Hello. My name is Castiel.”

“Where’d it go?! Which way?!”

“For what?”

“The boat, dumbass! Which way did the big white boat go?!”

“This way,” the angelfish says confidently. “And then this way. Follow me!”

Dean follows with a nod of his head, murmuring a quick thanks as they take off in a certain direction. Castiel is swimming rapidly, sleek body darting past other fish as Dean tries to keep up, frowning when the angelfish suddenly slows and begins to slalom. He catches Dean’s eye with a frown before righting himself and takes a sharp turn, the clownfish struggling to keep his guide within sight. “Hey! Wait up!”

Castiel makes three turns in quick succession and motors forward, every so often looking back at the orange and white being tailing him. Abruptly, he rounds on the clownfish. “What, exactly, are you playing at?” he growls.

Dean stares stupidly. “What?”

“I’m attempting to take a leisurely swim,” Castiel glares. “Is the entire ocean not big enough for you?”

“I… huh?”

“What is your name?”

“What?”

“What. Is. Your. Name.”

“Dean, but-”

“Do we have a problem here, Dean?”

“What are you even talking about?” the clownfish cries, watching as Castiel narrows his eyes in suspicion before taking off again. “Hey, wait one goddamn minute!”

The angelfish slows, but doesn’t halt his movement completely. “Stop following me,” he says curtly.

“What the hell’re you talkin’ about, man? You’re showing me which way the boat went!”

Now Castiel does stop. His eyes light up, face cracking into a smile as his switches gears, regarding Dean more than kindly. “A boat? I’ve seen a boat. It passed by not too long ago.”  He looks around, a thoughtful frown on his face. “It went this way. Follow me!”

But Dean has had enough. Because what the fuck. “Wait a minute, wait a minute!! What the hell’s going on?! You already told me which way the boat was going!”

A worried pause. “I… did?”

“Look, I don’t know what sick kinda game you’re playin’ here, but it ends now. Stop screwin’ around.”

“I-I’m not-”

“So what? You lied? Was it a joke? Guess what, Cas, not funny. Not fuckin’ funny… And I know funny, I’m goddamn clownfish!”

Castiel looks like he can’t decide between mortification, and soul crushing sadness. “No, it’s not. I know it’s not,” he replies sincerely. “I’m so sorry… You see, I suffer from short-term memory loss.”

Dean is less than impressed. “…Short-term memory loss?”

“Yes. I forget things almost instantly. That is was ‘short-term memory' means, if I’m not mistaken. Though I could be.”

Castiel looks at Dean expectantly, like he supposed to say something in response to this fuckery, but all the clownfish can do is stare. Because if he opens his mouth, he’s pretty sure he’s gonna yell at the guy with memory problems. Which, okay, maybe not such a bad thing since the dude isn’t gonna remember five minutes after the fact, but Dean gets the feeling that yelling and getting angry isn’t a good idea with this guy. So instead, he shuts his pie hole. 

But it seems Castiel can’t take the silence. “My condition runs in my family. At least, I think it does…” he trails off. “Where are they?”

“Something’s seriously wrong with you. I need to find Sam. This is a waste of time.”

“Who is this Sam?”

“My brother, asshat.”

“I have a brother,” Castiel says solemnly. “Possibly. I’m not entirely sure.” A pause. “What do you call yourself?”

“Dean,” the clownfish mutters again, looking on in complete disbelief. “Pointless. This is pointless. Why am I even still here-”

Shark. There is a shark approximately five feet away from Dean. It’s smiling.

Oh fuck.

“Hey there, handsome,” the predator says with a smirk, mouth full of pearly white teeth.

Dean is edging away slowly at this point, an eye on the shark and another on Castiel as he looks up at the carnivore, body tilting as if terribly confused. Dean has half a mind to drag him out of harm’s way as well, but eventually decides to leave him where he is. After all, Dean just needs to outswim him, right?

What Dean doesn’t account for is the way Castiel frowns, swimming right up to the shark with all the confidence in the world. “Hello,” the angelfish replies kindly.

And Dean can’t leave. Not when stupid Castiel is so stupidly naïve and clueless and is gonna get himself killed. Dean’s father had been good had saving people… maybe Dean can save people, too. Other people. Not just Sam. Maybe he can start with Cas.

Apparently, the sharks are having a party.

“I do enjoy a good party,” Castiel says contemplatively.

As the clownfish is forcefully escorted through—is that a minefield? One thought blares through his mind: