#finallyitssaying

The dark night came as usual, but this night turned into memories.

On the other side, I see myself making a wish.

Not just for me, but for you and the kids.

And as I close my eyes, you stare at me.

Whispering, "This is the fairytale if you choose me.

Not running away cowardly,

craving for the pain, leaving the peace.”

Then, I fall down, so low, hitting rock bottom, head first.

It hurts so much, but that's the hurt I'm chasing.

You wave and start to find the fairytale with rainbow and sunshine.

while I continue to sail, chasing overrated dream of mine.

And as we get closer to our fate,

Intro

Life is a journey they said.

But mine is in pause mode.

One by one my friends is

getting engage, getting married, getting kids, and I getting copy — to quote rachel green and also i’m a copywriter.

Not so much going on except I drown in work. Which wasn’t even kind enough to give me promotions. After all i’ve done. For 3 years.

Crush❌

Boyfriend❌

Situantionship❌

Reff

This small city. It’s not even called a city.

I’m still live here, at my parent’s.

Still having max. night time.

Still arguing at the same shit. Since i was kid.

Ironic, how they are expect me to be an adult when they treat me like a dumb kid.

“What a sad sight” me seeing myself.

Bridge

It’s been 3 years pass 23.

While i still being a rock that stuck in high school.

Deadline, planning, goal, settle is not the words i know.

Unicorn, dragon, prince, castle, is more the words i speak about.

Even my dream is a flashback.

Where i live my life.

When i putted it in play mode. And i was playing an active role in it.

And you.

Where are you now?

Is everything turn to be what you wanted?

Are your wife good?

Did she cooks your favorite dimsum?

Did your mom give her the recipe?

I’m sure you’re a good dad.

You practice a lot of dad’s jokes with me.

They will be cringe but i knew you used to it.

I’m okay just being your stepping stone.

Your life coach or love practice. Everybody does it to me anyway.

I’m glad you’re happy now.

Even happier.

You thought me colors i cant see with anyone else.

So, i stuck here.

Stuck in movie scene that theres no exist anymore.

Where the players is gone. Or being replace with anyone.

But me? I’m right where you left me, guys…

This is how I love Taylor Swift.

Ready to take a risk and win the war

But you are a Sirius and I’m a Lerna

Hiding in the dark, admiring you from the Hydra

So I pray to the moon

Wish you notice my spectrum

Then walk around the constellation

👨: What are you talking about?

Dari semua keikhlasan yang aku rasa bisa, tidak akan pernah cukup untuk menjangkau mu.

Aku pikir aku kuat dan setidak peduli itu.

Tapi hadirmu meruntuhkan tembokku yang ku bangun bata per bata.

Ternyata aku gak kuat, ternyata aku lemah.

Bukan, aku bukan mati rasa kala itu.

Aku mati suri, dan kamu yang membangkitkan.

Sekarang, hati ini hidup kembali tapi hilang arah.

Dihidupkan oleh seseorang yang menghilang.

Buat apa kamu lakukan itu?

Lagi-lagi, aku kalah lagi.

Peaceful. Blanket on.

You, double-crossing. Split second.

Suddenly, May 7th is back on.

Then, here I’m in the crowded room.

Full with strangers yet familiar.

Used to be close yet separated.

And of course. There you are.

You: Walking. Smiling. Approaching. Holding someone you're marrying.

Not knowing I’ve been hurting. And overthinking.

Me: Cursing. Sweating. Preparing.

"What the fuck"

"crap. crap. crap."

...I never prepare for a moment like this.

Then you shake my hand.

Time freezes. People laugh in slow motion.

All I think: How do you sleep, not knowing all the sad songs are about you?

What comes out: Hi! How are you?

All I think: Is she doing well? She’s not even smiling at me.

What comes out: you two are a good couple.

“Your hair still hasn’t changed”

"Your eyes still get smaller when you laugh"

"You still have that awkward gesture"

"I still save our date videos"

"I still have this butterfly around you"

And all the other “still” I cannot say.

Aug 27th. 01.45 AM. Back to my disturbed serenity.

After all these years,

I still feel the same when you’re near.

And it's just a quick “hello”

But I still can't let this go.