#finally had enough

The only thing I’ve consistently wanted to do but have been unable to due to weather or timing is go for a long walk on the trials by the house. Now I find even that idea doesn’t inspire me. 

Dimitrix is tired of having to deal with the abuse from his wife. He knows that she's mentally ill but he can't handle it anymore. After 10 years, this is what makes him leave.

"Please don't do this!" Harper begs as she watches her husband pack his suitcase. After 10 perfect years of marriage, this ends it. She faintly catches the sound of his breath stutter. Her heartaches. He never cries.

"You said we would always work anything out. Why can't we work this out?" She asks, her voice wavering. He turns to her, the bruise across his eye and the cut on his cheek makes her wince. "How? How can you make this better?" Dimitrix wipes his tears with the heels of his hands.

I’ve been staring at this page for hours, trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words so you can understand just how much you have (whether intentional or not) completely broken me.

How could you come over and have sex with me, knowing you were going to New York to see her??? All that talk about you looking out for me to keep guys from taking advantage of me being vulnerable, when really it was YOU taking advantage of my vulnerability and my love for you. Granted I should’ve known better and just cut you off even though I wanted to believe you loved me just as much as I loved you. But you know I still love you and were hoping we’d get back together. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me about her. It’d be different if we’d completely cut off communication after we broke up, but we were STILL having sex. And I specifically told you if we were doing the whole “Friends with Benefits” thing for you to end it the second you started talking to someone new. Don’t say that stupid “it just happened” shit. NO ONES just flies across the country and just happens to end up in a relationship. You had to have been talking to her for weeks before hand. Was she the girl you cheated on me with???

How can you tell me “ Oh I love you, I just don’t have the time for a relationship right now even though I want to be with you” but then freaking 4 months later you all of a sudden have enough time and have moved on (even though we were still fucking) to be with another girl? And long distance too? How are you going to make that work when you couldn’t even put in enough effort for us to work

Did you even really fucking love me at all??? Because I can’t understand how you; the guy I loved with everything I had who said he loved me in return could do this to me. It isn’t how you treat someone you love.  You’ve taken for granted that no matter what I’ll probably always love and forgive you, disrespected me, and thrown my feeling for you in my face like they didn’t matter.

When Kathy told me I felt like throwing up. You didn’t even respect me enough to tell me while I was pathetically inviting you over because I was literally falling apart and needed you. You don’t realize how much you mean to me and I feel so damn stupid and worthless because your actions say I didn’t mean shit to you.

Sad thing is, even after all this bullshit I still fucking love you. No matter how angry I am or how hard I try to hate you, I can’t.  The more guys that I try to talk to, I realize I’m lying to myself about being over you and that they are nowhere close to being the guy I love.  But then again neither are you…

I don’t know what happened, but you are the same anymore. You let your ego get the best of you. What happened to the guy who when I’d express my insecurities about you wanting a skinner girlfriend would say “ Why would I want a girl who is all of a sudden interested in me because I’m getting fit, when there’s a girl who loved me before I was?”

Well, congratulations you’ve finally pushed me to the edge. I’m done. For real this time. I just needed to get this off my chest so I can move on and heal. You’ll always be my first love, but you’ve apparently moved on and I should too. I honestly want nothing more for you to be happy, even if it’s not with me anymore…. Best of luck in life, I know you’ll achieve great things. I think it’s best if we just cut ties and not try to be friends. Too much has happened between us for that to be possible, but if our paths cross later in life great if not, thanks for teaching me not to love so blindly and what I’m willing to accept and what my deal breakers are for a relationship.