#fighting destiny

***

“Mom, I know the snakes were maybe a bit much, I promise it won’t happen again. Really, this time I mean it! No more animals as part of my book reports!”

Luz tries to keep the desperation out of her voice as best as she can as she hops out of the car. Never has a thought scared her more than spending (and wasting) her entire summer at that weird, awfully boring-sounding summer camp. 

Her mother sighs.

“Mija, I want to believe you, really. And I believe that you actually believe what you’re saying right now. But I fear you need a little help with gaining control over that… How would you phrase it? …fire of creativity within you. You need help to be able to tell reality and fantasy apart. And that camp is just the right place for you to get that help.”Without much success, Luz tries to swallow down the lump that forms in her throat. “Mom…”

Seeing the telltale shimmer of tears in her daughter’s eyes, Camila rushes to Luz’s side to hug her. “Oh baby, this won’t be bad, I’m sure you will like it! We’re not sending you there to distinguish that fire or to stop you from expressing yourself, you know? Just to help you gain control over it. Alright? It will be fun!”

As she wipes her eyes, Luz nods. She doesn’t want to hurt her mother further, which she knows she has done before by her actions. Also, her mother would never do something to hurt her, either. And maybe she’s right, maybe this will be fun! Thinking inside the box can’t be that bad!

But although Luz keeps telling herself exactly that over and over again as she packs her bags a few nights later, the pit that seemed to have appeared in her stomach only seems to grow wider.

Is something wrong with her? If even her mother can’t accept her the way she is… Who can? Why does she not fit in? Why is she so different? Is she wrong? Defective? Does she not belong here? And if that’s true, is there a place where she belongs somewhere else? Or will she never fit in anywhere?

Firmly, Luz presses her lips together as she closes her suitcase. If there’s only the slightest chance that “Reality Check Camp” will help her to find the answers to only a few of such questions, she will go. 

And yet… as she stands by their home, waiting for the bus to pick her up, the feeling of emptiness and anxiety is gnawing at her again. But before she can drown in hurtful thoughts again, before they can devour her, the voice of her mother brings her back to reality.

“Oh, my baby!” As soon as she’s by her side, she hugs Luz tight but even that doesn’t spark the same joy it usually does within the girl. “Now, don’t worry, summer camp is only going to be for three months. You’ll be so busy balancing checkbooks and learning to… appreciate public radio, the time will fly by!”

No matter how well her mother means, no matter that these words were meant to encourage Luz; they only cause the dread about what’s ahead of her to grow. The pit inside of her stomach seems to become wider and wider, not stopping until it will have engulfed her completely - until everything that makes Luz the person she is will disappear.

“But I don’t like any of that stuff. I like editing anime clips to music and ready fantasy books with convoluted backstories.” While she explains, Luz pulls the book out of her bag that she just couldn’t leave back home, even if she wanted to: The Good Witch Azura.

“Mija, your fantasy world is holding you back. Do you have any friends?”

Luz doesn’t really want to answer that. How is her fantasy world holding her back if it’s the only place where she is allowed to be herself, where she is accepted? Why should she leave the fantasy world behind if she has to pretend to be someone she is not to fit into the real world?

“Real ones. Not imagined or drawn or reptilian.”

Right. Because else, she will be alone forever and no one will ever love her.

“Summer camp is a chance to make some friends. But you have to try. Can you do that?”

As her mother speaks, Luz stares at the book in her hands. 

Has she been wrong all this time? Is Azura really the one who understands her? Or is she the one who holds her back?Seemingly without her command, Luz’s feet carry her to the trash bin on the sidewalk. Maybe… it’s time to let go. To try something new. 

“Yes, mom.”

The moment her hands let go of the book, it feels as if she’s let go of a part of herself. Even colors wouldn’t have been able to make the picture in front of her less sad; this masterpiece, this epitome of magic and fantasy, lying in the trash by the old newspapers and empty soda bottles. 

Yet, Luz can’t bring herself to look away. 

She barely notices the buzzing of her mother’s phone. “Oh, I gotta go to work.” Not even the forehead kisses ignite any kind of warm feeling inside of her. “Your bus is coming soon, text me when you get there. Cuidate mucho, Mija. Que te vaya bien.”

“Bye, mom…”

It only takes Luz a heartbeat to turn around and frantically rummage through the trash, deeply regretting what she’s just done. But although she saw the book there just a few seconds ago, her hand doesn’t get a hold of it.

“Where is it? Where is it?!”

Panic takes over Luz. If she really has to go to this terrible camp, she can’t do it without Azura! 

Before she can even consider diving into the garbage bin, she hears the hooting of an owl. Not any less curious than confused, she looks up to really find a tiny owl only a few feet away from her. And it was holding a bag with her book in it!

The second it takes Luz to process the picture in front of her is enough for the owl to turn around and jump-fly away.

“Tiny trash thief!” 

Not wasting a single thought on the bus and the possibility that she might miss it, Luz hurries after the owl, unwilling to let it disappear with her most precious belonging. Sure, the shack it flies right into does look a bit creepy but not creepy enough to keep a passionate Azura fan like herself from entering. 

***

And, just like that, Luz finds herself on the Boiling Isles. And, just like that, she finds a person to not fit in with together.