Writing my heart out

“Uhm… yeah?” Looking down, Luz draws circles on the ground with her foot nervously. “Is that… a problem?”

Now, King just looks confused. “Why would that be a problem?”

“Nah, of course not.” Eda waves off her concern and turns back around with a shrug. “I just thought you humans don’t have soulmates, is all. Guess I was wrong.”

Luz blinks. She’s not sure what’s more confusing to her: That the word ‘soulmate’ has just been used in a factly manner without any context whatsoever or that Eda seems so chill with being wrong about something. Although she hasn’t known her for long yet, Luz is pretty sure Eda is a person who loves to be right about things. 

“Wait, what?”

In the blink of an eye, Eda whirls back around to face her, pointing her finger at her triumphantly. “HAH! I knew it!”

Yeah, no, not chill at all.

Suddenly, King doesn’t look tired anymore and looks at Luz with round, excited eyes. “Oh oh oh!” He jumps up and down, clapping his claws together. “Maybe you have a soulmate!”

Still confused, if not more so than before, Luz looks from King to Eda. “So… you’re telling me that not only magic is real but also soulmates?” The excitement she felt when she first set foot into this world, which has since then subsided due to numerous tedious, un-magical tasks, hits her again, even stronger than before. 

A soulmate? Someone who gets her, who connects with her, who understands her… Someone who is meant for her? Her heart skips a beat at the thought.

“In this world, they are.” Eda points for her to sit down. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean-”

“LUZ HAS A SOULMATE?” Hooty enters so quickly that he almost crashes into the wall on the other side of the room. “Hoo boy, how thrilling!”

Luz beams at him, practically buzzing with excitement herself. 

“Maybe.” Yet again, Eda tries to interfere with her enthusiasm about the wonderful magic of this place. Why can’t she ever just let her dream? “Listen, kid, I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to have a soulmate but I don’t want you to get your hopes up just to find out you’re… simply colorblind in the end.” 

Ignoring the worried expression on Eda’s face, Luz turns to the people in the room who share her positivity. She gasps as she looks at King and Hooty. “Or maybe I was meant to enter this realm.”

“To meet your soulmate”, King continues her thought with amazement in his voice. 

“Destiny”, Hooty adds, his eyes sparkling. Then, he looks at Luz with a determined, serious expression. “We have to find them.” 

King jumps to his feet. “Yes!”

Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Luz clasps both of her hands over her mouth. “You guys would really help me with that?”

Before either of them can answer or even nod, the trio’s conversation gets interrupted by the loud thud of Eda slamming her hands onto the table. For a moment, she just sternly looks at them as they stare back at her wide-eyed and startled. Then, Eda slowly sits down and when she begins to speak, there’s a graveness to her voice that Luz is not familiar with.

“A soulmate bond isn’t always all roses and sunshine, you two should know that.” To avoid Eda’s reproachful gaze, both Hooty and King look to the ground. “I don’t want you to get her all dreamy about it just to have her end up broken-hearted.”

Luz watches quietly as King walks over to Eda and curls up in her lap without saying a word while Hooty rests his head softly against hers. “Oh, come on, this isn’t about me. I didn’t say that to get you all sentimental and emotional.” Shaking her head, Eda places King back on the table and nudges Hooty off of her shoulder. 

But the emotions behind her eyes betray the nonchalance in her voice. Even Luz can tell that this is no easy topic for her usually rather goofy mentor. Yet, before she can even think about being considerate, her mouth is already talking. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing of importance for you”, Eda answers firmly. “Just know that soul bounds are complex and complicated, just like magic is. Don’t make the mistake of constantly romanticizing things that can end up hurting you.”

Logically, Luz knows that Eda is just trying to protect her and that there’s truth to her words. Emotionally, though, she can’t help but feel gravely disappointed. How is she supposed to come to terms with not just the information that soulmates are real, apparently, but also the fear that this might be a bad thing after all? 

Seeing the discouraged and sad expression on Luz’s face as she’s looking down at her fidgeting hands, Eda sighs. “Which doesn’t mean we can’t explain to you how it works.”

Immediately, Luz’s head shoots back up, a hopeful gleam back in her eyes instantly. 

“Please.”

Nodding in agreement, Eda leans back in her chair. “Hooty, King, feel free to add aspects I’m forgetting about.” 

Both of them agree, still seeming to be concerned about Eda. Luz would really love to know what went down between her and her soulmate, it seems to be an enormous deal. Eda doesn’t seem like anyone could hurt her… Then again, maybe that’s just a facade she built up after ‘the incident. Hopefully, she will trust Luz enough one day to tell her.

“So, soulmates. Where do I start? Well, first of all, pretty much every being on the boiling isles is born colorblind.”

Luz’s eyes seem to almost pop out of her head at the statement. “Everyone??”

Grinning, Eda nods. “Yup. With some exceptions, of course. There are always exceptions for everything but you’ll get why in a bit.” Realizing that this might take a while, the witch gets comfortable in her seat as she places her feet on the table in front of her. “Basically, we are all born colorblind here and only start to see colors the moment we meet our soulmate. Some say it’s because ‘only they can help us see how beautiful the world truly is’ or some bullshit”, Eda draws air quotes into the air as she speaks, leaving no doubt that she ridicules this sentiment, “but that’s nothing more than a personal opinion. One I disagree with if you couldn’t tell.” Saying that, her expression darkens for a moment. But before anyone can comment on that, King hurries to continue. 

“I’m special!” 

With a smile, Luz starts to tickle his belly. "Yes, you are, aren’t you? Special boy!” 

Giggling bashfully, King gently pushes her hand away with a blush. “No, I mean, soulmate-wise. I’m only seeing a few colors yet.”

At that, Luz furrows her brows. “A few? What do you mean?”

“Even if there is a person out there who is amazing and powerful enough to be meant for me, the King of demons, I haven’t met them yet. No one has made my world explode in colors or anything. But, well, I-”

“EDA AND KING ARE FORMING THEIR OWN SOULBOND” Hooty suddenly blares out, obviously too impatient to endure the tension, causing King to glare at him for stealing the spotlight. 

Once again, Luz’s eyes widen as she gasps loudly. “No way!”

“Yes way” King says proudly, beaming at Eda who nods assuringly.

“It’s true. We don’t rely on destiny, we’re making our own”, she explains as she pats King’s head who starts to giggle again.

“Woah.” There really isn’t anything more Luz could say. She’s rendered entirely speechless.

“Impressive, huh? Told you I’m special.” 

Watching the two of them interact and thinking about the family they have built that Luz has been lucky enough to be a part of for the past few days, she wonders if this may be an even better kind of soulmates. To be chosen not by fate but by the person themselves and to work on forming a bond together. 

Love in its purest form.

“So, a soulbond can be platonic as well?” 

With another nod, Eda continues. “Platonic and romantic bonds are the most common but that’s not all. I’ve heard about family soulbonds and even some that were based on careers. The bonds are as different and individual as the beings they share.”

Okay, that’s about the coolest thing Luz has learned about this place yet, by far. “What about you, Hooty?”, Luz asks, eager to hear as much as she can right now.

“Me? I’m still colorblind, hoot-hoot!”

Shit, she didn’t expect that answer. Isn’t Hooty, like, a thousands-of-years-old demon?

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to be insensitive!” Luz hurries to apologize but Hooty doesn’t seem bothered at all. On the contrary, he’s just as cheerful as ever. 

“I don’t care! You simply don’t meet as many other people when you’re a house, hoot-hoot. And hearing is my favorite sense, anyways!”

Not any less fascinated than relieved, Luz holds her fist out for him to bump into it with his forehead in their very own version of a fist bump. “You’ve got this, Hooty.”

“See, kid?” Eda asks with a fond smile as all three of them look at Luz. “You don’t need the world to present you with your perfect match. You can make your own soul bond or even be your own soulmate. Don’t wait for anyone or anything to tell you what’s right for you or you might end up waiting your entire life. Do what feels right to you, be with whoever you want to be with. And even if they don’t make you see color, they might show you something much more valuable.”

Now, Luz has no control over her tears anymore as they begin to spill and roll down her cheeks. And before Eda can stop her, Luz stands up, walks over and embraces her in a tight hug which King and Hooty quickly join.

“Thank you.” 

***

“Mom, I know the snakes were maybe a bit much, I promise it won’t happen again. Really, this time I mean it! No more animals as part of my book reports!”

Luz tries to keep the desperation out of her voice as best as she can as she hops out of the car. Never has a thought scared her more than spending (and wasting) her entire summer at that weird, awfully boring-sounding summer camp. 

Her mother sighs.

“Mija, I want to believe you, really. And I believe that you actually believe what you’re saying right now. But I fear you need a little help with gaining control over that… How would you phrase it? …fire of creativity within you. You need help to be able to tell reality and fantasy apart. And that camp is just the right place for you to get that help.”Without much success, Luz tries to swallow down the lump that forms in her throat. “Mom…”

Seeing the telltale shimmer of tears in her daughter’s eyes, Camila rushes to Luz’s side to hug her. “Oh baby, this won’t be bad, I’m sure you will like it! We’re not sending you there to distinguish that fire or to stop you from expressing yourself, you know? Just to help you gain control over it. Alright? It will be fun!”

As she wipes her eyes, Luz nods. She doesn’t want to hurt her mother further, which she knows she has done before by her actions. Also, her mother would never do something to hurt her, either. And maybe she’s right, maybe this will be fun! Thinking inside the box can’t be that bad!

But although Luz keeps telling herself exactly that over and over again as she packs her bags a few nights later, the pit that seemed to have appeared in her stomach only seems to grow wider.

Is something wrong with her? If even her mother can’t accept her the way she is… Who can? Why does she not fit in? Why is she so different? Is she wrong? Defective? Does she not belong here? And if that’s true, is there a place where she belongs somewhere else? Or will she never fit in anywhere?

Firmly, Luz presses her lips together as she closes her suitcase. If there’s only the slightest chance that “Reality Check Camp” will help her to find the answers to only a few of such questions, she will go. 

And yet… as she stands by their home, waiting for the bus to pick her up, the feeling of emptiness and anxiety is gnawing at her again. But before she can drown in hurtful thoughts again, before they can devour her, the voice of her mother brings her back to reality.

“Oh, my baby!” As soon as she’s by her side, she hugs Luz tight but even that doesn’t spark the same joy it usually does within the girl. “Now, don’t worry, summer camp is only going to be for three months. You’ll be so busy balancing checkbooks and learning to… appreciate public radio, the time will fly by!”

No matter how well her mother means, no matter that these words were meant to encourage Luz; they only cause the dread about what’s ahead of her to grow. The pit inside of her stomach seems to become wider and wider, not stopping until it will have engulfed her completely - until everything that makes Luz the person she is will disappear.

“But I don’t like any of that stuff. I like editing anime clips to music and ready fantasy books with convoluted backstories.” While she explains, Luz pulls the book out of her bag that she just couldn’t leave back home, even if she wanted to: The Good Witch Azura.

“Mija, your fantasy world is holding you back. Do you have any friends?”

Luz doesn’t really want to answer that. How is her fantasy world holding her back if it’s the only place where she is allowed to be herself, where she is accepted? Why should she leave the fantasy world behind if she has to pretend to be someone she is not to fit into the real world?

“Real ones. Not imagined or drawn or reptilian.”

Right. Because else, she will be alone forever and no one will ever love her.

“Summer camp is a chance to make some friends. But you have to try. Can you do that?”

As her mother speaks, Luz stares at the book in her hands. 

Has she been wrong all this time? Is Azura really the one who understands her? Or is she the one who holds her back?Seemingly without her command, Luz’s feet carry her to the trash bin on the sidewalk. Maybe… it’s time to let go. To try something new. 

“Yes, mom.”

The moment her hands let go of the book, it feels as if she’s let go of a part of herself. Even colors wouldn’t have been able to make the picture in front of her less sad; this masterpiece, this epitome of magic and fantasy, lying in the trash by the old newspapers and empty soda bottles. 

Yet, Luz can’t bring herself to look away. 

She barely notices the buzzing of her mother’s phone. “Oh, I gotta go to work.” Not even the forehead kisses ignite any kind of warm feeling inside of her. “Your bus is coming soon, text me when you get there. Cuidate mucho, Mija. Que te vaya bien.”

“Bye, mom…”

It only takes Luz a heartbeat to turn around and frantically rummage through the trash, deeply regretting what she’s just done. But although she saw the book there just a few seconds ago, her hand doesn’t get a hold of it.

“Where is it? Where is it?!”

Panic takes over Luz. If she really has to go to this terrible camp, she can’t do it without Azura! 

Before she can even consider diving into the garbage bin, she hears the hooting of an owl. Not any less curious than confused, she looks up to really find a tiny owl only a few feet away from her. And it was holding a bag with her book in it!

The second it takes Luz to process the picture in front of her is enough for the owl to turn around and jump-fly away.

“Tiny trash thief!” 

Not wasting a single thought on the bus and the possibility that she might miss it, Luz hurries after the owl, unwilling to let it disappear with her most precious belonging. Sure, the shack it flies right into does look a bit creepy but not creepy enough to keep a passionate Azura fan like herself from entering. 

***

And, just like that, Luz finds herself on the Boiling Isles. And, just like that, she finds a person to not fit in with together. 

As all of Lila's teasing does, their comment makes Jaehee's heart hiccup in her chest, a too familiar heat already painting her cheeks in a soft blush. There’s only one way to deal with them when they get like that…

Speaking Korean, especially if the sentences are long and spoken fast, is the only way for Jaehee to feel like she is still somewhat in control when she is around Lila. Given that Korean is not their first language and they’re still learning, they tend to get really sheepish when they don’t understand something. And, for Jaehee, it’s the only weapon she has to not let Lila’s boldness knock her out. 

Normally, she speaks English around them or slow, easy Korean. But not in moments like this.

“If only you knew what you’re doing to me with such behavior…” 

Jaehee keeps her voice low and talks fast, even a fluent speaker would have had trouble to understand her.

“What was that?” The cocky grin on their face immediately shrinks to a shy expression and Jaehee can’t help but feel a little guilty, although relieved. 

Of course she hates it to make her friend feel insecure, she wants to make them feel just as strong and support them just as much as they do for her. But sometimes she has to do this, only to not combust due to the hidden feelings in her heart.

“Oh, nothing. Let’s start baking.” With a somewhat apologetic smile, she walks up to Lila and stands on the other side of the countertop, looking at the instructions in front of her. Now, she has to fire Lila’s confidence in themself again. “How about you start with the dough while I try out these decorations? Your doughs always turn out amazing.” The proud gleam in Lila’s eyes that Jaehee likes to see so much is back immediately. “They do indeed. What are you making?” Curiously, they get to their tiptoes, trying to get a peek of the picture she is holding. “Some flowers.” Calculating, she leans her head to the side, inspecting the pictures as well, lowering the piece of paper so it's easier for Lila to see. “I’ve never tried to make these before but I wanted to set myself a challenge. Hopefully, they’ll turn out fine.” “I’m sure they’ll turn out perfect. Like you.” One of Lila’s hands lands on Jaehee’s cheek, presumably for encouragement, and Jaehee can practically feel their chuckle as she straightens as if the touch burned her skin. Which it really seems to do, given how hot she feels all of a sudden. “Y-yes. I… Maybe. Yes, I’ll do my best.”

Not knowing what else she could possibly say that wouldn’t give away how fast her heart is beating, Jaehee gets to work. She presses her lips together and tries to ignore Lila’s gaze she can clearly feel on herself as she begins to knead and color the fondant. 

Luckily, Lila decides to be merciful and not make any more comments that get Jaehee out of her concentration, maybe so they can get to work as well. 

It doesn’t take the young woman long to forget everything around herself as she fully focuses on the task at hand. She gets lost in the thrill of trying new, challenging things and the rewarding feeling when an experiment with one of her utensils works out, giving the flowers as they are described in the instructions her own twist. One petal after the next is formed and, after some time, Jaehee finds a routine, the activity having a quite calming and almost meditative effect on her. 

Her thoughts wander.

And, as they do so very often, they wander to the wonderful person standing in front of her right now. 

It’s been a few months since they’ve met, got to know each other and even ended up as close as they are right now. Not much, in Jaehee’s opinion, and yet she can barely recall a time where Lila hasn’t been in her life, much less can or does she want to imagine a future without them. They have saved her from her monotone, stressful life that never would have gained her any kind of happiness and turned it upside down. They have turned it into an unpredictable, exciting adventure, the only goal being to chase their dreams and find joy. Together.

Never again does Jaehee want to be without Lila’s stirring presence that doesn’t only bring spice but also light into her life.

Of course it hadn’t been easy for Jaehee to admit to herself that she’d fallen in love. Of course she had been scared of rejection, of the possible heartbreak. Of the risks that come with loving someone so deeply, even after such a short period of time, only falling deeper for their captivating soul more and more with every passing day. 

But no matter how strong her fears had been, by that, they only became the evidence for her feelings for Lila. And finally, after multiple sleepless nights, Jaehee had not only faced the truth that she’s helplessly lost her heart to the best friend she’s ever had, she also came to the conclusion that all of this turmoil is worth it. That the nagging fear is nothing compared to the exciting tingle that runs from the center of her stomach through her entire body as soon as Lila walks into the room. That a possible heartbreak is a price she is willing to pay, as long as she gets to feel the way she does for a little while longer every time Lila smiles at her, only her.

And now, they’re working together, they’re partners. Maybe they’ll never be more than that, friends and partners, but Jaehee knows that, at least, they will always be together. Even if she should slip one day - Lila won’t just leave her for the way she feels. In that, Jaehee trusts unconditionally. In Lila, she trusts unconditionally.

Before she knows it, she’s used up the last bit of fondant, has created the last flower for the day. Proudly, Jaehee looks down at the decorations in front of her, all kinds of blossoms in many different colors, shades and sizes spreading out on the table. 

"I did it!" The excitement in her voice is very clear and maybe, normally, she would try to conceal it to keep her countenance. But right now, she's way too happy and feels way too safe and comfortable with Lila to even care.

"I knew it!" There's some flour on Lila's cheek as they grin at Jaehee. "I told you they'll look perfect. You did it!"

Far from sick of looking at her own creations, Jaehee smiles down at the sugary decoration in front of her again. Then, she turns her head up to look at Lila again, unaware of the fact that her friend had just started leaning forward to peck her cheek. 

Lila's lips land on the corner of Jaehee's mouth and she freezes. Time seems to stop and so does her heartbeat.

As to be expected, Lila isn't fazed by it at all. On the contrary, they seem to enjoy it quite a lot judging by the amused grin on their face and the fact that they stay much closer than they'd need to. They're not even saying anything and yet Jaehee feels like she will be reduced to an inarticulate, blushy mess in mere seconds. 

There’s nothing she can do but pointedly look to the side to stop her brain from short-circuiting. No matter how much she wants to look at her stunning friend, she can’t, knowing that, if she would, she couldn't rip her eyes off the lips she so badly wants to feel on hers.

And at that moment, there's just one thing Jaehee can do.

"While investing in the stock market, it's very important to maximize the possible outcome for your transaction while simultaneously minimizing the risk you take."

Although she's speaking her native tongue, Jaehee stumbles over her own words with how quickly she is saying them. Also, she's not even sure if what she just said actually makes sense.

Yet, the words have the effect she was desperately hoping for - Lila softly shakes their head, the threateningly teasing expression on their face making way for utter confusion as they subconsciously draw back a few inches.

Jaehee hates it as much as it makes her feel relieved.

"What?"

"Nothing!" Quickly, Jaehee turns to face the table again, unnecessarily starting to sort the flowers still laying there by size. If she's confronted with that gorgeous face any longer, she won't be able to hold back anymore. "We should-"

Before she can bring up her suggestion to give the cake more layers than they'd originally planned, Lila gently places their hand on hers on the table between them. 

If she is honest to herself, Jaehee knows that she wants nothing to be between them anymore, to separate them.

At first, she still refuses to look at Lila. Even without getting lost in those lovely eyes of the person that saved her from the miserable life she has been living - the speed of her heartbeat is already concerning. 

But the light caress of their soft fingers on her skin makes her slowly, carefully, look up at them again, bringing her even closer to the figure she wants to embrace and never let go. 

She really wants the piece of furniture gone.

"Do I truly make you this nervous?"

Lila's voice is low and raw, not hiding the emotions behind their words. They sound surprisingly hopeful and… a little scared?

Not trusting her voice to do what she wants, Jaehee just nods. Shouldn't Lila know about the effect they have on her? With how much they've been playing around with it, Jaehee has been convinced they know.

But Lila shakes their head.

"I mean, is it me who makes you nervous? Or is it the flirting, the teasing? Would you get flustered by anyone acting like this?"

Trying to calm down her rapidly beating heart, Jaehee shakes her head. She swallows, wanting her words to be audible and the truth in them to be apparent. 

"I get flustered because it's you, Lila. It's not just the teasing. Everything you do makes me nervous somehow. But at the same time, you're the only person that can truly calm me down."

As to prove her statement, she nervously averts her gaze. She doesn't know much about friendship and how it works, she's worried she's said too much. And Lila is so close… Concentrating is impossible.

Time seems to be standing still. 

This may be because Lila stands still, a thing they usually never do. It makes Jaehee feel a bit uneasy, she isn't sure what to think of this or what to expect, it's so atypical for her friend.

Her thoughts keep running, trying to figure out what exactly is happening right now and how to act further. Eventually, after not finding any satisfying answer, Jaehee decides to slowly turn her head back to look at Lila again. 

The intensity in Lila's eyes keeps her in place as soon as their gazes lock. Now both of them seem to be frozen in time, just staring at each other.

(by @braincellbank​)

Jaehee has no idea what this means or what step should be taken next, let alone by whom. She just knows that she doesn't want to look away.

When Lila finally moves, it happens suddenly and fast. 

Jaehee's eyes widen when they suddenly jerk forward, and they widen even more as Lila presses their lips to hers.

It takes Jaehee's brain a moment to catch up to what's happening, to understand it. To understand that this is real, that what she's secretly dreamed of and fantasized about for weeks and months truly is happening, right here and now.

But as soon as it sinks in, her eyes flutter closed and her free hand, the one Lila isn't touching, finds their cheek.

The kiss feels like heaven.

Soon, Lila relaxes into Jaehee's touch and the frantic, nervous hectic of the firm pressing of their lips shifts into a soft, loving exploration.

In no time, Jaehee is entirely captivated, forgetting that the world exists around them and even if she would remember, she wouldn't care. All she cares about is Lila. 

Lila's touch, their warmth, their scent. The fact that this kiss feels even better than she could have ever imagined it. 

Her heart beats so fast it seems like it's trying to fly out of her chest to catapult itself into the sky to rejoice.

And Lila's lips taste so sweet…

Too sweet.

With a gasp, Jaehee breaks the kiss.

"You did snack on the chocolate! I knew it!"

Throwing their head back, Lila laughs, their earlier stillness nowhere to be found anymore. Their smile is just as wide as Jaehee's and they look just as happy as her.

Jaehee couldn't care less about the chocolate.

"Guess you've caught me." Another sly smile makes it to their lips. "Guess I'll have to make up for it…"

A quiet, displeased noise slips over Jaehee's lips as Lila draws back. But soon, they've made their way around the table and Jaehee finds herself in their arms, embracing them as well on instinct. 

"I don't think I want to bake anymore today."