#fictograph

Oh man I’m not anywhere near senpai status. I can admit that I’m generally pretty fun and chill to be around, but in terms of actually “getting” dudes, I dunno, I think I’m just in a good situation and I’ve found out what works for me.  But here are my 3 biggest advantages/tools/advices/whatever

1) Confidence is like 90% of it. I’m usually pretty stoked to be asked out in the first place, so that’s always a huge confidence boost. From there, I feel like the less I stress out about things, the better I feel. It helps to just boil it down to “whatever I’m just hanging out with a person and getting dinner awesome.” I generally love people so any new chance to meet a person I’ve never met before is kind of a big deal for me. That puts enough of a spring in my step to make me feel basically indestructible. 

However, I know that not everyone is like that. Use whatever mind games you have to on yourself, but don’t leave the house until you’re like at 95% “I’M AWESOME” level and you’re already prepared to be a condescending destroyer of egos and crusher of spirits at the slightest provocation. I usually leave the house feeling like I’m already way out of the dude’s league, and regardless of whether it’s true or not, it puts me in a super confident mood and I end up being pretty on-point and scintillating for the rest of the evening. 

2) Choose your weapon. Mine is humor. I feel like I have a pretty easy time feeling out a guy’s sense of humor, and once I figure out what works, I go after it pretty relentlessly. If I can get one pretty decent belly laugh out of a dude (none of this polite oh ho ho chortle shit), I’ve considered the evening a success and then I coast on the good vibes for the rest of the date.

It could be anything. I mean, that’s what icebreakers are for, right? My goal is to always get to a pretty comfortable place where the conversation just flows really naturally. It could be a debate about politics, sexual preferences, hobbies, whatever. As long as you are talking and they are talking, that’s fine. It even makes awkward silences bearable because you’ve just had this super great conversation, so a cool down period is totally fine. 

Also in my arsenal: Drawing, education/being a teacher, dogs/animals (only works on dog people though). I also like to add in a light dash of persnickety assholery, because I personally find eternally pleasant people a little bit boring and being a tiny bit of a judgmental prick always gets a heated discussion going. 

3) I live in fucking Man Jose. Not really, but that’s what they call Silicon Valley as a whole and in general, the dating scene is stacked pretty heavily in my favor. I derive a lot of confidence from that too. Grace, come live with us up here.  Find the engineer/nerd/hipster boy of your dreams for the sea is vast and the fish are many.

Uh I guess also just be friendly, maybe drop hints (I’m usually pretty unabashed about my single status and the fact that I perv on dudes like left and right), if you’re really feelin the dude, like figuratively REALLY FEELIN them, you can actually feel them. Like if their knee bumps your knee, don’t move your knee out of the way. Be receptive to high fives, handshakes, anything where he tries to make some physical contact, whatever. But to whatever degree you’re comfortable with.