#fictional post

2084AD. there's a phenomenon happening in nursing homes. every thursday, the staff find dementia and alzheimers patients love to hear one specific song by an 1980s group called Hall & Oates. it's weird because it's not even from their era, but if it's playing they know it's thursday. we're trying to do some net archeology to find out if this was an old meme we forgot about. the current lead is a long dead blogging site known as Tumblr

the difference between someone from LA and a normal person is that if i tell a normal person i'm pretty sure one time i saw lady gaga driving an armored SUV on the highway, they'd be like 'wow, that's neat.' but if i was in LA and i told someone the same they'd be like 'i saw jack nicholson pissing on a yucca plant at a golf course once' and then an elderly man in a tutu on a bird scooter would do the sickest unprompted power slide into our conversation and say 'yeah well i saw william shatner wasted and puking in a back alley and he gave me 50 bucks to keep it quiet' and then he'd bird scoot into the most beautiful sunset youve ever seen

last week's storm caused a big old tree to topple over and it uprooted one of those giant brains with it. my neighbor's kids went over to see it and they came back saying it was all screaming and pulsing. anyway the animal rescue came from the city and untangled the poor thing and plopped it back in the ground where it belongs. it's good that we help them. they know we're up here.

wizardry scales exponentially. so when you first start out all you know is conjure fireball and make potion. but it doesn't take long before you're playing around with the fabric of the universe and the very fields underlying it all. this is why so many wizards destroy themselves on accident and why powerful wizards are respected but weak mages are so easy to make fun of. it also explains their tendency for insanity, as they gain arcane knowledge faster than their mortal brains can handle. you can only mold the energy matrix to your whim so many times before you start to wonder what the point of it all is, and that's when a wizard could easily become something like a chaos god.

an archeologist brushes the last of the dust off a long forgotten dog skull. the work zone, once the grounds of an ancient gladiatorial burial site, contains the bones of many people and animals, and the archeologist is used to this. what she does not think about, or even realize, is that this gentle brushing is the only time this warrior dog has ever been pet.

having periods is wild im so glad that doesnt happen to me anymore. one time i knew i was about to have one bc i was trying to put my sunshade up in my windshield and my bob ross mirror hanger kept hooking onto it and i said 'im sorry bob i know you love the sunlight but its time for darkness now' and i almost cried because i was depriving him of sunlight. what the fuck man.