How to stop being so scared,
& the importance of verbal communication when faced with an aversion to touch (personal anecdote to help you along)
The implications of keeping people at a physical distance spell a taboo, with how society–or more specifically the western society I have been raised in–believe personal relationships should be curated. My aversion and fear of various physical interactions did not stem from a specific occurrence, but an acknowledgement that there are evils that I could contend with should I accept touch into my life. An ‘evil’ in this situation is the vulnerability that accompanies these actions, something I had not quite adjusted to.
My own straying from this notion can be explained utilizing the implications of having an emotional epiphany, although defined as a sudden realization, it is often motivated by a momentarily-unrealized process–at least in my case–of a gradual amalgamation of all the emotions I have felt around the people I’ve known throughout my life–who have, despite my constant protesting and seclusion, kept themselves around me with avid interest, resulting in an eventual rushing realization of gratitude.
With this, my interest in the lives of others has not waned, but blossomed, opening like a flower to accept the sunlight offered by companionship, tilting towards light and finally allowing me to become someone sociable, and empathetic. Constantly working on understanding other’s needs, thoughts and wants in ways I hadn’t attempted before, not through touch but through a persistent, snagging coexistent reality, that I have been thus far been utilizing to convey my situation; language. I am as grateful for people as I am interested in them, I appreciate their multifaceted nature and contend with it in the same breath. I hold a complicated relationship as close as an easy-going one, and I grapple with them all with words. I do not hug my friends but I can embrace them with verbal reassurances–defy their insecurities with honest observations. I turn away from a simple kiss on the cheek but I will not stray from a confident proclamation of love. I do not touch, but I can—and will—speak.
