#fi lore

the actual story is that we were in the same course in undergrad and had kind of the same friend group, we met on a social and i bumped into her in the bathrooms and i was so taken with her in hindsight (i wasn't out yet!). after the social they all went clubbing and i stupidly dragged one of my best friends out to a bar instead to meet my 'crush' that i had of course so naturally and not at all forced-by-my-flatmates handpicked. that night she got back together with her ex, and i made a fool of myself in front of a guy i was only interested in for external validation...

the world moved on, her and her ex ended horrendously, i got with a boy in march 2020 and was so taken by the thrill of the chase that we ended up in a lockdown relationship (also my first proper relationship) which was super convenient considering i didn't have to see or touch him. come august 2020 i had fallen in love with a redhead lesbian that i met online (s/o to you el, we stopped talking when dsmp collapsed but hope you're doing well) and had the much overdue but full-blown sexuality crashout. picked many a fight with my then-boyfriend and actually acted horrendously towards him because i realised i actually couldn't outrun the fact that i was a lesbian for much longer. we split up in september 2020 once i actually had to you know....be with him in person again.

september 2020 is ALSO when my now-girlfriend posted this pic to instagram which was just her...poised against a table smiling at golden hour in a kitchen. i was so taken i'll admit i would sit for minutes at a time looking at this picture, and would keep going back to it. i was definitely 'trying on' my sexuality at this point, trying to sit with feelings i finally realised WERE attraction and this picture was a big part of it. i was on tinder at this point, but conversations were going nowhere and everything was falling flat. i was getting over my ex, while also still talking to him because i valued his friendship and because i was bored and messy stringing him along a little. then one night i was on tinder and THERE she was. that same damn kitchen picture the first picture on her profile. i swiped right immediately and she....didn't. in fact she didn't respond for two weeks. suddenly at about 10:30 at night i was on call with a friend and i got a little message that we had matched and the scream i let out....loudest 'YES' ever. she sent the first message, i immediately messaged back and we've been talking ever since.