#ffffffuuuuck

gdi...

Of course, you’re free to scroll past this anytime, like hey its cool doods.

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Do you know the feeling of being so fucking useless? Being an animation student is not an easy task and I’m so afraid. Of what? Failure. Looking at how my other talented classmates just freely express themselves in their drawing with ease created this whole gigantic mass of pure dread within me. 

I struggle to just express myself and learn the different ways but its different when you force yourself to do so. I love what I do, I really do. But it hurts me knowing that I feel this way towards myself. Hah, what a fucking piece of shit ain’t it. 

I’m tired. Even when I do my practices I give up too easily or just fall into my most deepest and darkest hole. I can’t climb out of it because my fears and anxieties keep drowning myself in them. Being depressed is not the way to go but fuck this. I’m trying to get out of this hell hole and bring myself through this but I’m just stuck. 

I hate myself for it. For giving up too easily. But with all my might, my heart doesn't want to continue. “Sleep,” It says. 

“Give yourself a break”, It says. 

“A day should be enough”, It says

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I hate this. My subconscious tells me that it just needs a complete minute of silence. But what would it bring? Satisfaction? Achievement? Solace? 

I still want to do what I do. I love it with all my heart but I want so many things to change. But when I get on with these tasks, my mental strength just gives up. 

Its been a week since I’ve last touched any of my artworks. I thought that all I needed was a short break from everything. So I thought, maybe a good book would help? 

I did just that. But in time, I thought lets just give drawing another try since I haven't been doing so. And when I did, I fell deeper into my little dark pit. I couldn’t get out. Not after seeing how shit it was. I wanted to run away from reality because the truth is, is it honestly worth it?