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i will never not find the "ferryman writing fanfiction about gabriel" jokes funny. mostly because i'm just sitting here, as the ferryman, with my notes app containing multiple ferryman/gabriel fics/wips that i've written, like... haha...... you don't say......... :')
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
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copinglink feels got me making unwise financial purchases this fine afternoon.
...in other words. i may or may not have bought the gabriel pillowcase. which means my Radiance is coming home soon. :-).
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
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i grew up catholic in this life, would you believe it? probably why i even have this c'link in the first place though, if we're being completely honest here. i'm obviously not practicing anymore, but there is a residual fondness for this time of year. i like seeing the chrismas related shenanigans people put me and the others in, i just think it's really fun.
missing gabriel now more than ever, of course. something something light in my darkness being a comfort when all the days are so short and all i want is for someone to just be my side and tell me things will be fine when so many things feel so bleak.
forgive my rambling. happy holidays, everyone, especially other ultrakill alt humans! and wishing you all a better year than the last, i pray for safe passages for all of you.
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
(no pressure to get this up in time for christmas btw mpc, it can go up when it goes up o7)
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ahhh. i go to a religious school these days and while i am very confident and firm in my agnosticism, there are times where it makes my hands twitch because of the upbringing i had in this life.
part of me wishes i had something better and brighter to rely on, but i know that nobody is coming to save me now except for myself. which is fine, i chose to be here even, there were many things i could have done that would have led me down a better (if at least different) path.
regardless. part of me mourns what i wish i could have. maybe i /do/ want a hotheaded angel who's only nice to me and others exactly like me to offer me comfort through times where i doubt myself and my life's purpose, who will save me from drowning in an endless sea and give me something to believe in that's not just myself. maybe. i don't think it's that an unreasonable a want, even if it will never be reality.
ah. but also perhaps it's validating in and of itself, to pray for things i cannot have. what can you do.
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
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the new ultrakill update essentially confirming the ferryman to be More egotistical is so fucking funny to me. like wow they really ARE just like me fr because i fucking LOVE being annoying and showing off. the new statues?? the painting of themself painting???? oh yeah this is definitely some shit i would do. it feels so silly to say but i feel so validated LOL
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
✉
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ferryman is one of my clinks and it's just so. odd, sometimes. because i know for a Fact that they're not one of my kins, i don't have any memories as them and i don't have that same connection to them as i do my actual kintypes, but they still just. Feel like me, y'kno? and i use them as a way to cope in a pretty specific way.
so tell me why even though they weren't a past life, i miss gabriel like fucking hell. like i feel like by nature of clink it'd be understandable for me to like him a lot because of. well, because of the Everything (if u kno ultk u kno what i'm talking abt). but also i just wanna be held by him so badly and have him tell me everything isn't my fault just because i'm Like This.
it just feels so confusing. i can't imagine that i have some secret undiscovered ultk kin that i don't know about because this feeling really only comes around when i'm having a ferryman "haha they're just like me for real" moment.
idk man maybe i'm just gay or smth smh (joking, i am gay but also i'm not like. attracted to him in any meaningful way if that makes sense? saying that as if anything i just said makes sense but whatever)
- the ferryman 🪙 (copinglink, ultrakill)
ja
