#feelswave

If you're not allowed to call anyone out for their harmful behavior, that's not a safe space. It's a group that enables each others' cruelty in order to belong. These groups are usually led with fear and rampant insecurity.

Newcomers are a threat. Whoever doesn't agree is cast out. Loyalty is an accessory. You're either with us or against us. Those asking for accountability are immediately pushed away.

You're supposed to speak up when you're hurt. 

You're supposed to speak up when others are hurt.

And then, things are supposed to change. 

You may not like an individual. 

You may not connect. 

And that's perfectly okay.

But accepting their love and support, repeatedly taking from them and then making endless excuses when it's your turn to show up, is pure opportunism.

This isolating, us-or-them way of thinking is infectious. You will engage in it to fit in.

So tired of hearing "they say and do this and that" when no they don't. One person says this, another person does that. One thing is not as offensive as the next. One belief is maybe not held as strongly as the next. They're not a huge mob of people that behave in the same way, but separate statements coming from separate contexts all responding to the same sentiment: hate, sorrow, fear, disgust, frustration.

This is so important, this distinction. Before you think all is lost and before getting ready to spew more of that sentiment in all directions, know that you're immediately generalizing. Know that generalizing kills the truth and acknowledge you're being careless with your words. You are allowed to do so, in fact you are still human and prone to trying to make sense of chaos, but do acknowledge this for your own mental health.

to make room for

a new part of me

I've had desperate people come up to me and look me straight in the eyes filled with hope, asking me whether buying an object will help them become better, more centered, less scattered, find love, get a lover back, get more money, and more. Even if my job was to sell this merchandise, I just can't lie to their face. I always put a lot of emphasis on their intention and the emotional work that needs to go around this object which will only serve to remind them to keep working on themselves.

When someone asks me "what does it mean when this keeps happening to me?" I can't help but tell them an answer based on facts and reality. But when a person feels lost and helpless, they don't want to hear that they have to change. They want an easy way out that will make all this shame or sadness disappear, something else that will take the responsibility of dealing with themselves away from their lives.

Knowing yourself is not something that you can achieve in two or three meditations. It’s not something a crystal or a prayer can teach you. Knowing who you are inside, what is important to you, what part of your personality is yours and which parts are borrowed from others is a life-long journey. I'm not saying that people who have been meditating for a long time or claim to be "more spiritually minded than you" actually know themselves and have "awakened" to a truer reality. In fact, no one can see or prove that what is going on inside their heads during these sessions is actual emotional growth. I believe that most of those who tirelessly keep searching for mystical answers to their very real problems are taking the even longer way out, and some don't ever come out of that place at all.

Mysticism claims to know the truth, while at the same time not giving you access to it, letting you guess what the rest means, and letting you interpret it in any way your brain sees fit. When you're at a dark place, you will interpret everything you hear as scary, making you feel anxious and out of control. When you're in a brighter place, you will love everything about it, it'll sound beautiful and you'll have fun with it. But don’t these states of mind oscillate all the time?

Let's be mindful about who we give power over our emotional wellbeing to.

❇️ No one is taking that power away from us. ❇️ When we're responsible about ourselves we know we are the ones giving this power away. So only invest yourself on information and experiences that acknowledge and respect this; people and organizations that don't try to prey on your vulnerability for personal gain.

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by feels.wav.e