#feeling responsible

.💗.

Hey lovely,

Wow this message is a throwback for me.. I felt the same way about my parents. You know what though? Whether or not you existed, the problems in their marriage wouldn’t have gone away. You are not the cause nor are you correlated to their problems. When we fight with our significant other, we always want to play the blame game; in fact, we do that with everyone because it’s easier to blame someone else than to accept that we were wrong or that things are not okay. If their relationship were rocky to begin with, they would’ve fought anyway regardless of your existence. I don’t want to say it’s “fate” or “destiny” that things would’ve happened because they’re meant to happen but if you look at it socially people who aren’t similar will bound to have problems.

What do they usually fight about? My parents were actually the reason why I began harming and fell into depression. They were fighting so much and whenever my mom gets mad, she’d say hurtful things. I blamed myself for everything that was wrong in their relationship for years before I realised that I wasn’t the cause and I am obviously not the consequences. They fight because their personalities didn’t match. My mom cared too much and my dad cared too little. 

Are you close with your parents? If you are, I think it would be helpful to sit down and talk to them about how you feel. Let them know that you feel responsible for their arguments. Sometimes they’re not arguing because they don’t love each other. We argue when we’re stressed and we’re tired too so maybe they have a lot on their plate right now and they’re not sure what to do about those frustrations so they take it out on each other. I don’t know how often they fight and how long it’s been going on, but please don’t keep it inside. 

Talk to your parents collectively or separately. Talk to your best friend. Talk to your sibling. Talk to grandparents or a teacher. Talk to someone about your feelings because it’s important that we don’t keep it inside. We need someone to tell us we’re wrong. We’re always going to look for reasons that would support our beliefs so if you don’t tell anyone you’ll end up twisting reasons into truths and really believing that everything is your fault when it’s not. 

You can’t make them happy with each other if there are problems. They have to work through those problems and sometimes they need someone to point them out. They need someone to show them where the problems lie before they can work on them. Try talking to your parents first if you can. It’ll help them see the effects it has on you as well as understanding how their behaviours can be harmful to their children as well. If you feel like you shouldn’t say something to them, talk to your other relatives, perhaps someone who is close to either parent who can point it out for them. You don’t have to stay silent. It’s okay. 

Please for the love of all there is, don’t blame yourself. You are doing the best you can for them and that’s more than enough love. Please don’t convince yourself that it’s your fault. Reach out for help. Talk to a counselor about these thoughts. Don’t let it consume you more than it already has. 

Always by your side,