#feeling lighter

He laughed as he stood up and stretched. Walking into the kitchen, he took out the containers of leftovers, smiling as he thought of Dana being the one who had put them there. Feeling his pockets, he realized his phone was in his room. Cutting a piece of lasagna and placing it into the microwave to reheat, he went to his room to retrieve his phone. 

Three messages were waiting when he pressed the home button and he smiled seeing that two of them were from Dana. Unlocking his phone, he opened the message app and read them. 

Thank you again for last night. We’ve been talking about it all morning. Ivy had so much fun. She asked me to ask you to please say hello to Oink for her. 😊

Oh also, she left her bracelets there. Could you please bring them to the diner on Monday? She says she doesn’t need them until then because she got another present this morning and will get one tomorrow. Today was rainbow ribbons and tomorrow will be a paint by number set. Shhh… 

He grinned as he went to read the other message from Samantha. 

Hey, big brother. How was the lasagna? Didn’t eat it alone, did you? I sure hope not. 😉 Anyway, here are the Christmas lists for the boys you had asked for the other day. I swear, I need to just make one list as they want nearly the exact same things, but… They are really into Legos and the book series on the lists. Or anything else that strikes your fancy. 😊

Sammy Bammy, he typed back. Lasagna was superb, as usual. No, I did not eat it alone, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know. Dana and Ivy came over to join me. We talked after Ivy fell asleep on the couch, about Mom and Dad. It felt cleansing to talk about it with her. She’s… well… 

He stared at his words, debating whether to keep the last two. Pressing send before he could dwell too long, he let out a breath. It was not as though Samantha did not already know, but it felt different seeing it in a message. 

She’s a fan of yours, he continued, writing another message. Loves your product, has for years. So, I’m gonna need another box, because mine seems to have disappeared from the apartment. 

He smiled as he pressed send again and almost immediately saw she was typing back, the three dots bouncing as she wrote her response. Whatever he had been expecting, it was not what came through. 

A massive amount of smiley faces with heart eyes and ones with hearts around them, along with red and pink hearts filled the reply bubble, growing large before slamming and settling as a regular message. He laughed loudly as he hit replay, watching the message shake and then settle. 

The dots again appeared and he waited. 

Fox, that makes me so happy to hear. Or read. 😊 I really liked her, as I said, and I can see she’s been good for you. ❤️ 

I’ll send a box to you asap. I’ll add some new things I hadn’t included for you, specifically for Dana and Ivy. I’m so glad she likes them. Please tell her thank you. And for more than just liking the product. ❤️💕

He grinned as he sent a quick thank you back to her and assurance that he would look at the Christmas lists. She sent back two hearts and said goodbye. 

The microwave beeped, reminding him that his lasagna was waiting. Walking back to the kitchen, he checked it and added another minute to the time. 

Looking at the sink, he grinned and reached for Oink and then Ivy’s bracelets that had been left behind. Placing them gently around Oinks neck, he snapped a quick picture and opened his messages again. 

Hey there, he typed in reply to Dana’s message. Oink says hello and to tell you she will keep the bracelets safe until Monday. She loves the way they look on her and while she knows that Ivy must miss them, she is happy to borrow them for a couple of days. Have a good weekend. 

He added the picture of Oink and pressed send, smiling at the sight of the pig sponge wearing so many colorful bracelets. Laughing, he set the phone on the counter and took out the lasagna from the microwave that was sounding a reminder once again. 

Sitting down at his desk to eat and continue writing, his phone beeped as he stood up to get a glass of water. 

An audio message from Dana made him smile as he pressed play and Ivy’s voice came through the speakers. 

“Oink looks so beautiful with the bracelets. Now she’s a rainbow pig. I think she likes them. She’s smiling. See, Mommy? She’s happy.” 

“Yes, love, she is happy. Tell Fox and Oink thank you.” 

“Oh yeah. Thank you, Fox and Oink. Mommy will bring them to me on Monday and you can wear them until then.” 

She snorted loudly and Dana laughed before the message cut off. Fox laughed heartily, shaking his head and listening to it again before walking back to his desk as he double tapped their message and added a heart to it. 

Sitting down, he became lost in the story he was writing, chuckling sporadically at the memory of Ivy’s loud snort and Dana’s surprised laughter. 

____________

Sunday, after staying up late lost in his writing, Fox slept in later than usual. Upon waking up, he decided to do something he had not done in awhile and go for a run. 

There were many people out already seizing the day to get things done. Shopping for Christmas gifts, meeting up for a mid-morning breakfast, talking and laughing as he ran past. 

He stopped for a breather near the water, pacing back and forth as he stood with his hands on his hips looking down at it. A man on a decorated bike rode by him, Christmas music playing from a speaker in a basket. He smiled at Fox as he continued on, the Santa hat with elf ears he wore, causing Fox to chuckle. 

Heading back home, he stopped and bought a coffee and a piece of crumbly coffee cake. Walking the last couple of blocks as he ate, and drank, he was lost in thought over the the character’s in his book, their conversations nearly as real as the ones going on around him. 

“Fox!” 

He raised his head and looked around, finding Dana and Ivy outside his building. Ivy waved excitedly and Dana smiled, as she held onto the handle of a teal blue collapsible wagon. 

“Hey,” he said, walking over to them with a grin, throwing out the bag from his coffee cake. “Did I miss something? Did you call me?” He took his phone from his pocket and saw that he had not missed any calls. He looked back at Dana and she shook her head. 

“No!” Ivy shouted with a smile. “We’re surprising you! Was it a good surprise?” She hopped up and down and he laughed with a nod. 

“It was a great surprise,” he said, glancing down inside the wagon and frowning when he saw its contents. “What’s all this?” 

“Well,” Dana said, clearing her throat and appearing slightly nervous. “Ivy and I were talking last night as we sat on the couch looking at our Christmas lights and we both realized something, or rather Ivy did.” 

“Oh? What’s that?” he asked, looking at Ivy and then down into the wagon again. 

“You don’t have any Christmas stuff in your house, Fox,” Ivy said and he turned his head toward her. “We have lots at our house, but you don’t have anything. Not any Santas or even one snowman.” She shook her head slowly, her face serious and he raised his eyebrows as he bit back a smile. 

“Oh, I see.” 

“You don’t even have a Christmas tree.” 

“You’re right, I don’t.” 

“I told Ivy,” Dana said, letting out a breath. “I said that maybe you haven't had a chance yet. Or maybe, because you only moved here recently, you haven’t unpacked yours yet.” She stared at him and smiled softly. “Or maybe… you don’t want to put things out?” 

He drew in a deep breath and understood what she was not saying. The concern she had for his feelings surrounding the holidays, the worry in her eyes, made him want to hug her. 

Instead, he smiled and nodded, looking back at the wagon full of many large paper bags, a couple of decorative boxes, and a box containing an artificial tree. 

“I actually don’t have any Christmas decorations. My sister is the one to have the decorations up at her house. I usually visit her on Christmas and so that’s all I really need. But you know, my place could do with some things. Hmm…” He touched a bag and peered inside, seeing snowmen and a smiling angel. He smiled and looked at Ivy. “These are from your house?” 

“Yes. I choosed some that we had set out in our apartment and some from the box we keep in the storage room,” she said, looking in one of the bags. “There’s a penguin that's my very favorite. I thought that Oink might like to meet her.” 

He laughed, his eyes flicking to Dana. She was smiling as she looked at Ivy, her eyes shining. 

“Well, I’m sure Oink will be delighted to have a new friend. Thank you for thinking of me, Ivy. That was very considerate.” 

“Does that word mean that I did something nice?” she asked, looking up at him and tilting her head to the side. 

“Yes,” he said, his smile growing. “That’s exactly what it means.” She smiled and clapped as he touched the puffball on top of her pink polka dotted beanie. “Let’s take this wagon full of stuff inside and get to decorating.” 

“Yay!” Ivy shouted and threw her arms in the air. 

He laughed and looked at Dana again, finding her eyes on him this time, a questioning expression on her face. He nodded and she let out a deep breath as she smiled slightly. 

Using his key fob, he opened the door, letting them walk inside first, Ivy chatting excitedly about the rest of the items they had brought over. Falling in step beside Dana, he placed a hand on her lower back and bent his head close to hers. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, saying nothing further, knowing she would understand. 

“You’re welcome,” she whispered back. He nodded and moved his hand to hold the elevator door open and allow Dana to enter with the wagon. 

_____________

“I think it should go here,” Ivy said, climbing up on a stool and setting a ceramic Christmas tree on the counter. “I think that’s nice.” 

“Yeah, I like it,” Fox agreed and she grinned at him. 

Everything, save for the artificial tree, had been taken out of the wagon and unboxed and unbagged. They had been set on the dining room table and Fox had told Ivy to put the items anywhere she wanted. She had looked at him in disbelief and he had nodded with a smile. 

“You get to pick. Wherever you want to put them out,” he had assured her. 

She had walked around the table and the apartment, taking her time to make the decisions. Rearranging things at times, she had begun to place items, her eyes finding his and seeking approval. He had nodded encouragingly and she had grinned, nodding as she looked at the decoration. 

“Do you want this one by your bed?” Ivy now asked, picking up a smiling ceramic snowman that was holding a red bird on his stick finger. “He’s so happy.” 

“Ivy, no,” Dana said, starting to take the tree from the box. “Not the bedroom. It’s fine to have decorations there at our house, but we’ve discussed the bedrooms of other adults.” She looked at Ivy and she nodded seriously. 

“I know, Mommy. That’s why I was asking.” Ivy nodded again and Fox smiled, wanting to smooth things over.  

“Hey, how about the bathroom instead? Maybe the shelf? Or ohhh, how about in the shower? No one would ever expect to see that when they got in to take a shower. That might make them laugh.” 

“Oh! That’s a great idea!” Ivy said, turning to run to the bathroom and they heard her opening the shower door and giggling. 

“I told her she shouldn’t go into the bedrooms of adults,” Dana explained softly and he nodded. “For many different reasons.” 

“As you should,” Fox agreed, coming to help her with the tree. 

“My parents, though they always allowed us into their room, didn’t like us letting friends inside. I want her to have that same respect and not go into rooms she shouldn’t.” 

“Completely understandable,” Fox said, nodding his head. “My parents had an open/shut door policy. If it was open, everything was kosher, but if it was shut, you had to knock and be allowed entry. And absolutely no friends were allowed inside at any time.” 

“I had friends who let me into their parents' room without any concern, but it always made me feel anxious, like I was doing something wrong. As if I would get caught and be in trouble.” She smiled at him and he smiled back. 

“I understand how you feel. I think it’s good that she knows. For all the reasons.” He looked at her and she nodded in understanding. 

“The snowman looks good in the shower,” Ivy said, bouncing back into the room with a giggle. 

“Fantastic,” Fox said, clapping his hands together. “Now, Miss Ivy… we have the tree out and ready to be assembled, but where do you think we should put it?” 

“Right by the window,” she said quickly, running over to stand by the window, as though she had already been thinking about it. “That way when people look at it from other buildings, they will see it shining brightly.” She tipped her back and smiled, her arms outstretched.

“Well, then that’s settled,” he said, bringing over the pieces of the tree and setting them down. 

“Wait a second,” he said, snapping his fingers. “What have I been thinking? We need some Christmas music!” He smiled at Ivy and turned on the television, setting it to a Christmas music station and clapping his hands together. “Okay, let’s put this tree together. You keep setting out the decorations, Miss Ivy. Surprise us with your choices.” 

“Okay!” she said excitedly and he laughed. 

“The tree can be a little tricky,” Dana said, coming to stand beside him. “It’s kind of temperamental sometimes. I pinched myself with it once and had a blood blister for a few days.” 

“And you’ve decided to loan it to me? How very kind of you,” he teased, picking up the stand, putting it together, and adding the bottom piece. 

“Stubborn things and I go well together. I find the challenge satisfying,” she said, handing him the next piece with a smile and he chuckled. 

“I’ll be careful with the remaining pieces. Thanks for the warning.” She laughed and he looked at her with a smile. “Thank you for all of this, Dana. I wasn’t planning on doing anything. Not because of anything other than I just…” He shrugged and let out a breath. “It’s just me here and… well…” He shrugged again and she nodded in understanding. 

“I know. I doubt I’d have it all out if it was just me. Well, maybe just a few things, as it’s my favorite holiday, but also…” She shrugged and smiled again. “It’s fun with kids around. Allows you to have a large collection of snowmen without people questioning or judging you.” 

He laughed as he nodded and added the next piece of the tree. The top was handed to him and he smiled at her as he caught sight of Ivy waving a finger back and forth between two Santas. Landing on one, she grinned, picked it up, and walked into the kitchen. He smiled again and shook his head as he carefully added the last piece to the tree. 

Finished with it, he went to plug it in and found the cord would not reach the outlet without moving the tree or requiring the use of an extension cord. 

“Hmm,” he said, moving the tree and plugging it in, but not liking the placement of it. “I don’t think I have an extension cord. I’ll have to get one later.” 

“Or it could stay there,” Dana said as they looked at it, and he shook his head. 

“Nah, it needs to be in the window. I like it there too. I’ll get one la…” He broke off as he looked out onto the balcony and then to the dining room table. “There aren’t any lights in the stuff you brought, right?” 

“No. Why?” 

“Hmm… I think I may need to make a list. Now that I have all this up,” he said, waving a hand around. “I feel like I need to add more. Lights on the balcony, maybe some framing the window in here…” He raised his eyebrows and she laughed. 

“I fear we’ve created a monster.” 

“Do you want to come with me to find some more decorations?” he asked, feeling suddenly nervous. She smiled slowly and nodded her head. 

“I think we can do that,” she said softly and he let out a deep breath as he nodded. 

__________________

Two hours later, they came back. Laughing as they took off shoes and coats, they once again unloaded the wagon and set things onto the table. 

Boxes of colorful lights were brought onto the balcony and set onto the coffee table. Fox took them out and he and Ivy carefully wrapped them through the slats and around the top of the railings. When he plugged them in, she sighed happily and nodded her head. 

They placed them around the window in and outside of the apartment, using little nails to hold the strands in place. He only hit his thumb once, but it was hard enough to bring tears to his eyes as he bit back the litany of curse words that wanted to escape. Dana rubbed his back, her lips pursed tightly together and mirth in her eyes, but she did not laugh. 

When everything was done and all the trash was thrown away, they sat on the couch while the winter sun went down. The room was full of the glow of Christmas lights as they ate bowls of the unicorn cotton candy ice cream. It was as sweet as he remembered, but he ate it all the same, smiling as he looked around the apartment. 

“It looks really great in here,” he said. “Thank you both for awakening the Christmas spirit in me.” 

“You’re welcome,” Ivy said, smacking her lips and wiping her mouth on the napkin beside her. 

“How does it feel in here, Ivy?” he asked, smiling down at her. 

She looked at the multicolored lights on the windows, the white ones on the artificial tree, and the yellowish lights coming from the small rotating village that sat on his desk. Her gaze traveled to the many figurines they could see, and finally landed on the Santa throw pillow on the couch. His cheeks were pink and he was grinning with a twinkle in his eyes. 

She let out a deep breath and laid her head against Fox’s arm, her ice cream forgotten for the moment. 

“It feels… revder… rev… reverent,” she said softly and he grinned as he exhaled a breath through his nose. 

“It does indeed,” he agreed, just as softly, his eyes on his bowl of ice cream before he looked around again, enjoying the quiet of the moment. 

All too soon, reality came calling, however. Dana and Ivy had to get home as Ivy had school in the morning. 

Bundling up, they all headed out, Ivy riding in the wagon as Fox pulled it. They played a game along the way, finding Christmas items that started with letters of the alphabet, laughing when they argued over who got them first. 

He fumbled with folding the wagon in the lobby of their building and Dana had to take over, teasing him over the ease of it. She took it down to the basement to put it away while he walked Ivy upstairs. 

Ivy hopped from one foot to the other as they waited at the front door, talking about school the next day. 

“Mondays are fun days. We get to bring things to share and we have extra reading time after lunch.” 

“That sounds fun,” he said and she stopped hopping to look up at him. 

“That’s why it’s Monday Fun Day.” 

“Oh,” he chuckled. “I see.” 

“Yeah,” she said, resuming her hopping. 

Dana arrived and he said goodnight to them, not wanting to keep them from their nightly tasks. Ivy hugged him tightly and then smiled as she ran inside, calling out her goodbyes. 

“Thank you again,” he said to Dana as she watched Ivy. Turning back to him, she smiled with a nod. 

“You’re welcome, again.” 

“You two have a nice rest of your night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiled and she stepped forward to hug him, letting out a breath as he held her close. 

“Tomorrow,” she echoed, her voice muffled by his coat. He smiled and nodded, stepping back and letting her go. 

“Goodnight,” he said softly and she sighed as she nodded back. 

“Goodnight.” 

“Mommy, can I take a bubble bath?” Ivy called and he laughed quietly as Dana sighed. 

“Bye.” 

“Goodbye,” she said, stepping into the apartment and smiling as she reached for the door. “Yes, you can have a bath.” She waved and he nodded, waiting for the door to close before he headed down the stairs. 

His steps were heavy as he walked home, following the same path they had taken. He saw the Christmas items from their alphabet game and he sighed, feeling overwhelmingly alone and lonely. 

The warmly lit apartment was cozy and welcoming, but too quiet with just him moving about. He spent some time looking again at the decorations Dana and Ivy had brought over, smiling at the places Ivy had chosen to display them. 

In the kitchen, he found the penguin that Ivy had told him she liked best sitting beside Oink. It was an adorable penguin with pink cheeks, wearing a Santa hat, and holding a small lantern in its flippers. Half of Ivy’s rainbow bracelets were now around the penguin’s neck, the other half still around Oink’s neck.