-. @gcmerbrc

—

Being inside that building was overwhelming enough.

He was fine, he’s alright. Yes, he can breathe, he’s worn a suit before, and he’s often had to pretend he felt more secure and confident than he actually was. And having Minhwan there certainly helped. He’d come to trust the man almost as much as he trusted his sister, came to realise the personality that was hidden behind the protectiveness he’d shown during their first meeting.

Yes, he’s come to see Minhwan as an older brother.

So he was okay. Up until the point where Minhwan started taking him somewhere. At that point, curiosity had started to mix with the unpleasant jittery feeling of anticipating a surprise. He’s never been a big fan of surprises because during his childhood they had never meant anything well. And nowadays, he’s just used to feeling too nervous when being met with one.

Especially when finding himself in an environment so foreign.

So he doesn’t ask a single question and just stares ahead of himself with wide eyes, the wonder clear in features that seem to grow younger and younger, as if wanting to show the real mental age that Taemin had to shove away to survive.

When he reads his name on the door he stops breathing.

He doesn’t even dare step inside, staring into the pleasant looking room as if he had just walked into a hanged man’s dying place. He can see some of it from the doorway, the levels of comfort, the professionality, the luxury that is all that is inside and that... is supposed to be for him?!

His gaze flickers up to stare at the other man instead.He can’t believe his eyes. Or his ears. He can’t believe any of this is real and for a moment his vision swims as if he was seriously trying to remove himself from the situation at hand because there is no way this isn’t a dream. And for this to be a dream is his brain’s most cruel trick so far, so he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to be dreaming of something so good.

But then his eyes focus again and he remembers thinking a similar thought months ago when he had first woken up next to Hana and realised how fucking important she is to him. It had felt like a dream he would have never wanted to wake up from, terrified of the moment he actually would.

His mouth feels dry and he returns to stare at the room, back at Minhwan, back at... god, his office?? Taemin’s?!“Are you serious?” he manages to croak at, looking at the brother of the love of his life.“You... you would really...?”

But something makes him break the sentence off before his brain can even complete it. No, he doesn’t... he doesn’t want to keep thinking like that. Fuck, he can’t think that way every time an opportunity arises, every time one of the Songs does something for him.

He should start to learn... showing gratitude.

~When you admit that you killed my brother~