After reading all of my last blog posts, I feel like I should break-up with nick. I have come to terms with myself that I just don’t love him like I used to. That sexual attraction is just not there anymore. 

There are times that I feel like I could marry him, but then other times I feel like I am just wasting both of our time being together. 

The worst part is that I feel like I am emotionally cheating on him when I talk to other guys, especially because I fantasize about what could be if I was not with nick. 

It really has me feeling down. I could not sleep this whole week because I was thinking about how I could break up with Nick and all the possibilities of how he will react and if it is worth it. 

I guess it would be since I don’t see myself marrying  Nick at this point and time. With all this on my mind when I am with him I feel so annoyed by even the most insignificant thing. I know it is not fair for nick. I just don’t know how I should tell him. Where should I start? I care so much about him, I never want to see him hurt but maybe if we continue to be together how will he and i move on to better things. Maybe if we meet again in the future we can be together.... when we are both mature and confident. 

I also just feel so guilty all the time with the emotional cheating. I just can’t take it anymore. Sometimes I want to start over, but then I think about why that emotional cheating happened in the first place. Which is most likely because our relationship is lacking. 

PROS: he loves me, he is mature, he does things with me, very caring, loves dogs, plays guitar, witty, funny, silly, teaches me a lot of stuff, fitness going.

CONS: trust?, Lies?, guilt, acts cute, doesn’t bring me out of my comfort zone, hard to do other things with him other than netflix and working out, all those memories both tangible and intangible.