#fdapoems

To be fair

To me

You never caused

A crisis of confidence

You never did

Brave the desert storm

To be fair

To you

I never caused

A long awaited downpour

I never did

I have never questioned

If I am gay

I have only ever questioned

The heterosexuality

That has been pressed down

Like a hot iron upon me

Straightening out creases;

That make us less perfect

Less presentable

Less acceptable

Less tolerable

Less understandable

Less invisible

Less unique

 I have never questioned

If I am gay

I have only ever picked

At the layer

Of girl boy, girl boy

Wallpaper pasted over me

Since cartoon days, and juice boxes

Only to reveal, red, purple, blue

And a pride

I could not name

I could not see as beautiful

Only a lightening magnet

Bullseye printed on forehead

Like a barcode

Waiting to be scanned by anyone

Who saw different as a threat

 I have NEVER questioned

If I am gay

Because no one ever let me believe

There was anything other

Than the heteronormativity

Shoved down my throat

Until I choked

Washed down with shots

Of love songs I could never

Sing with my heart

 I have never questioned

If I was gay

Because I liked boys

I had crushes

That looked a lot like me

(No, exactly the same)

Holding hands with a girl

 I wish I had known spectrums existed

In more than just maths and science

Because then I would have known

I didn’t have to question how straight

I could be

I would know you can like both and

When the rain comes

We won't be able to drown

For we have basked to the bone

In the light

The same light that has turned

Fields in to ruins

We had hoped to be statue

As in, looked at with glory

But we have forgotten how

Quickly granite sets in

Now we are stuck mid dance

The drought came

We could not taste the warning

Only the fever

When the rain ,comes

We will still be thinking

That the flood was the disaster

Not the dust we kicked in joy

I do not know

Who would leave

In agony

Who would stand on

Their hill

Just to make it

Taller

If I came for you

Would you still be there?

I forgive you,

Not at all

I let go of

Only the vanilla tears

I no longer fill any cup

That bears the lie

Of freedom

I keep the fire that you fed

It is my cradle

I down mortar to fill in cracks

Still, i see where you

Etched in letters

I forgive you nothing

But the flowers pulled

They at least have been held

Till the end of stars

But I will not hold you

While my fingers burn

I am too much in love

With myself

Ghosts shouldn't be able

To know the difference between hunger

And the taste of relief

A phantom couldn't dance with me

Then leave, with the steps

Imprinted on my skin

A menace could sweep me over the edge

Make me smile on the way down

It’s not only the departed that know

How to haunt

It's only the living that don't have the sense

From the dirt smothering legs

And branches reaching out

Clawing you back inside

To the crush of water

Insisting you never leave

The squelch in your ears

As the ground becomes other

The heart knows it’s under chase

The body knows it’s back is but target

The eyes wander and hope to see

That where they have led is better than before

The water wants to keep you

The forest wants to claim you

Being lost is only a race when you