#fc43 angst

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

you were known by mostly everyone to be a complete and utter sucker for long and all that comes with it. maybe it was to do with your upbringing or maybe it was just the fact that you longed for someone to call your own but it was something you wanted so badly it felt like you were going insane sometimes. even though you were obsessed with the idea of love, it wasn't because you were going out picking up boys left, right and centre every weekend you possibly could, or because you were always in a relationship trying to find mr right. it couldn't be because you had never actually been in a proper relationship. yes, you had spoken to guys before but it had never really amounted to anything, much to your dismay. all of this is probably why you longed for a relationship so badly, maybe deep down you felt like you were missing out on something all of your peers seemed to experience with no issues whatsoever.

no you were known for being obsessed with love because of the amount of it you consumed in the media. books, tv shows and movies. name any in the romance genre and you had probably seen or read it. and if it was a movie or tv show? you had probably forced franco to watch it with you while you longed for what was happening on the screen.

forced may be an exaggeration because anytime you asked the argentine to watch something with you, he was cancelling plans as soon as he possibly could. he was your best friend, it was literally his job to be the one you confided in about these kinds of things and that is exactly what you did. you knew franco had some experience in that department so you didn't hesitate to rant out your frustrations and even ask him questions on the subject. every single time you complained about it he would say the same thing "you are just starting your life, there is so much time left to find someone. don't rush it because you are desperate", like that was any help to you at all.

★・・・・・・★

when franco moved to pursue his racing career and indirectly leave you behind, well it left you with a lingering sadness that you could never really name. it was unlike anything you had ever felt before.

"we'll still facetime though, right?" franco's departing words he had asked you, hoping for the answer he longed for. he didn't want to leave you either but he knew that if he ever wanted to achieve his dreams he would have to go and chase them, they wouldn't come to him.

"of course we will." was your reply, little did you both know just how hard that would be. with just how busy he was and the difference in time zones, you guys hardly had time for each other anymore. it broke both of you apart but you had no idea what it was doing to the other.

you would text him everyday even if you hadn't had a reply in days because when one of those days when he was finally free and could reply to all (yes every single text message he had missed) of your messages, it would be the best day of your week or even month. those days when he replied to your texts were usually the days where you guys could facetime and it would be for hours on end, catching each other of the lives you were living without the other. something you didn't think could even be possible a mere few months ago.

listening to franco rant and rave about an past race you realise that you don't know how much longer you can be without him. the only feeling you can compare it to is the feeling all those wives in all of those wars felt when their husbands left them to fight for their countries. even though you could keep in contact (though it wasn't much) with franco. even though he wasn't off to fight for his country but just to chase his dreams. even though you guys were nothing but friends.

you half listen to something he says about the car while longing for the romance you could only dream of. one where you and franco are together and he shows you the type of affection that you could only hope for from a lover. while being lost in your thoughts you realise just how perfect of a partner franco would be for you. he had everything you wanted in a lover and then it hit you-

"are you even listening?" franco laughs, pulling you out of your daydream before you can linger on your newfound realisation.

"yeah, carry on."

★・・・・・・★

the next time you get to see franco in person is at least a year later. he had just been promoted up to drive for williams f1 team for the rest of the season and you could not have been prouder. you don't think that there is a moment in your life that you have been prouder of him. he had finally made it.

of course as soon as it was offcial you were invited to his first race as an f1 driver and you dropped everything to be there for him. you told your work that you were taking a holiday and your university that you were sick for the week but would continue to work while being off so you didn't fall behind.

meeting franco outside of the track, it was like everything in your mind went quiet. he didn't look any different to your last facetime call a few weeks ago and he still had that same flirty sense of humour. so nothing had really changed with him. so it must be you that something had changed with, you just couldn't quiet work out what that was.

"you can do your uni work here while i do my media duties, yes?" franco suggests, gesturing to his empty drivers room that had a desk inside, ready for your use. it was sweet of franco to offer up the one space where he could ensure some alone time during this busy race weekend, but you supposed he wouldn't get a minute to himself this weekend anyway seeing as it was his very first grand prix.

you set up shop there and work away for an hour, maybe two at most before you get bored and your mind keeps wandering to franco and what it would be like to be the one he goes to first after a good race. once you realise where your mind had gone to, you quickly shake yourself out of it and decide to go and find the boy that was swirling around your mind.

the penny drops and you realise what exactly has changed when you see franco with another girl. they weren't even that close and if you were honest, it all looked friendly but you were still jealous.

you liked franco.

that was the thing that had changed. or maybe it hadn't changed and it was you were just, deep down, were tired of suppressing your feelings for your best friend.

franco spots you like its his sixth sense and wanders over to you, not giving you a lot of time to accept the new found information.

"can we watch a film tonight, after the race?" you ask franco, ignoring the heat that comes to your cheeks when he stands a bit too close like he always did. great, now you were going to overthink every one of his actions for the rest of your lives. that's exactly what you needed, another thing to constantly think about.

franco grins as he replies "the notebook or notting hill?"

he is going to kill you.

★・・・・・・★

while you had just realised your feelings towards your longtime best friend, franco had been living with those feelings for his entire life, near enough.

every memory he has of you has some kind of admiring thought to go along with it, if he had a diary it wouldn't be unlike one of a teenage girl who is smitten with her schoolgirl crush. and that was fine for when he was actually a teenager, i mean we all have crushes when we are going through that stage of life but franco knew the difference between a crush and whatever it was he felt for you. he had crushes on other girls before and not one of them had even been in the same realm of what he feels for you. it was a little scary if he thought about it for too long.

the first time franco remembers feeling the now all too familiar feeling of obsession, he must have been about ten years old. everyone probably thinks that ten years old is way too young to know that you love someone but franco knew. it was like those soulmate things you were always about, where they both have the first words that their soulmate will say to them tattooed on them, or they can't see colour until they meet their soulmate. franco was nintey-nine percent sure that the world was black and white until he accidentally knocked you over in the playground that day.

ever since meeting you franco has been infatuated. everyone around him knew it. the amount of girlfriends that had broken up with him because you just couldn't shut up about you and how you had actually tried that perfume that she was thinking about trying but you had thought that it was too vanilla-y for your taste, or that you used the aussie shampoo and conditioner because you thought that it made your hair healthier. it was safe to say, you were his favourite thing to talk about all the time.

moving away from you had killed him. he knew that you two would drift apart and the thought made him wanted to give up on his dream and create a new one entirely centred around you and what you wanted him to do but he knew that you would probably hang him from his balls if he told you he was giving up racing.

once he was settled in he made it his mission to make sure you teo were in touch as much as possible. it wasn't as often as franco wanted (read: every minute of every day) but he made it work.

screenshots of you from your nights spent facetimeing each other were made his lockscreen and backround. they would change every time you guys would facetime. the amount of times his engineers and racing crew mistook you for his girlfriend. it was probably because in his mind you were. he was in a completely different country to you with an opposite time zone and he had never even thought about looking at another girl. he was so down bad for you and he knows that you have no idea about it.

none of that would stop him though, he knew you would realise sooner or later, until then he had no problem keeping up this charade of "oh no we're just friends" and acting like the complete opposite with you. as long as he got to have you, he didn't care how.