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It’s near to impossible to relapse into an eating disorder for me because I take medications that give me insatiable hunger. Right now I’m hungry. The old me would drink more caffeine and smoke cigarettes and drink water. But this kind of hunger is different than normal hunger. It makes me feel so sick and unwell and have psychosis symptoms if I don’t eat. I feel like a fat failure, but I have to eat a handful of mixed nuts now
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This is really freaking me out. My scale says I gained another 2 lbs over night. Im literally eating half of the daily recommended amount of calories and some days i eat even less. WTF is going on?
Im not small. Im not 90lbs. Im not even 160lbs.im nearing 200lbs again and its fucking disgusting! Wtf is happening to my body?
23/8/19
Today I ate: 1,335 cals
Today I burned: 498 cals
Cals that I didn’t burn: 837
These past 2 days have been ROUGH. But I’m getting by. All I ate today was 1 omelette (221), 2 slices of a large Hawaiian Pizza from Pizza Pizza (540) and a whole bag of skittles (574). I wish junk food didnt exist and that family didn’t make you feel pressured into eating junk. I feel like a fat piece of shit even though the amount of cals I didn’t burn would be the amount of cals I would have left if I didn’t burn anything on a normal day.
ps I love burning calories more than love the cold
