Have you ever seen the Spiderwick Chronicles? You know Mulgaraths’ little minions that mob around outside of the circle around the house? Those are all my thoughts about this. You’ve freed them.

So we all know the dwarves are very strong. Proportionally, they’re stronger than they naturally should be. One example of this is how they move the boulders so easily when they are back in Erebor. Limestone boulders weigh about 175lbs per cubic foot and the dwarves were carrying them like I would carry a 12pack of beer. LIKE???? This is why they couldn’t just shrink the actors down using CGI in the movie. The costumers HAD to add the body/muscle suits, the huge boots, the larger fingers and forearms, etc. in combination with the CGI stuff in order to make them look shorter, yes, but also much stouter, wider, and stronger. To make them look as dwarves are meant to be- wicked strong creatures with impressive endurance.  Now onto the brothers specifically. No one has any doubt Fili is strong. But you PUNKS who think Kili is any less strong, YOU ALL can FIGHT ME. I am coming at you with angry tears and pointing fingers.

We all know the usual headcanon things- Fili and Kili BOTH trained for battle, may have worked in the mines and forges with Thorin, can fight off all species in very heavy dwarven armor, etc., etc. THIS is why their bodies are so thick, they have to match the strength of humongous enemies in much shorter bodies. Hence the THICC bois. We have all seen the body suit they had Deano wear for Fili- it makes him very wide, very sturdy. There is no reason Kili should be any different, especially since in the movie and arguably in the book, the brothers were meant to be the same height. They are meant to be built the same, they have the same muscle structure, they would grow similarly. 

Like LOOK at them. Look. 

They’re big boys. *happy shiver*

“Kili only shoots arrows, Fili fights with swords.” LIES. You cannot tell me that BOTH nephews of the king weren’t trained in the same kinds of weaponry. Kili knows how to fight with a sword or anything else he has to use. But him being an archer is a HUGE and IMPECCABLE asset because he can fight from afar. He can help take the heat off the dwarves- some of whom only fight in hand to hand combat- by knocking off the enemy in advance. We all know the scene with the wargs when Thorin depends on him to take out the orc and warg above them on the rock.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THIS: Do you KNOW how much draw weight would be necessary to kill a warg? Or an orc? A LOT. Now, I am not an archery master in any way, but I do know that longbows were used in medieval battle that had a draw strength of up to 150lbs to kill horses, travel far enough, and pierce shallow or thin armor, or holes in armor (like armpits and the back of knees and all that painful stuff). These longbows could be 6tft long and were used by human men (der). Kili uses a composite recurve bow. These kinds of bows were usually used by warriors on horseback, so they were smaller than longbows, which is why Kili, being a dwarf, could use it. Would a smaller bow mean the draw strength would have to be increased to kill wargs and orcs? AKA HUGE enemies? I don’t know enough about archery and... physics? to answer this question, but it’s one of my thought goblins.

I think initially Thorin would be angry with you as well. And probably divert the conversation and frustration on to you. However, seeing you standing there with your hands on your hips, helps him to calm a little. He knows that you’re very protective of Fili (even though he doesn’t need protection), and comes to respect that.

Thorin eventually apologies to both you and Fili. He explains that he was wrong and then he smiles at you. Silently thanking you for being so loyal to his nephew.

Yay! Happy Fili Friday!! WHOOOOOOO!!

I am a front row passenger on this roller coaster ride every single time it comes to town and let me tell you, the carnival HAS come round this year and it is HERE TO STAY. BUCKLE UP KIDDIES, there is enough room in this front row for ALL OF US!!!

Don’t mind me as I shamelessly use my own edit to illustrate the point of our handsome dad bod-ed dwarf.

AND THIS GIF?????

We love our quest Fili- no doubt! But we also love our King Fili. King Fili who (please, Mahal, please) has not seen a battle or an enemy or a hungry day since Erebor was reclaimed. Yes, he works hard every day- manual labor to rebuild and in the forges, long hours in court and council, traveling to other realms for peace talks and deals- but at the end of the day or journey, he is always free to return to his loving home, his comfy bed, and his favorite foods. He is strong AF, even for a dwarf, but NOW he’s got a good ol’ healthy tum. A tum that only comes with long times of peace and prosperity in a land. A tum is something to be proud of, especially in dwarven kingdoms. A tum. That leads to a DAD BOD!!!!!!!!

Can you just imagine wrapping your arms around his middle and resting your head on his chest, just standing there and hugging him whenever you can, whenever he’s close enough to take for yourself for a moment. What are you doing, amrâlimê? You sigh, melting into him a bit more. Hugging you. He asks if everything’s all right and you nod. He chuckles and kisses your head and hugs you back until he has to return to what he was originally doing. 

Then Fili wants to escape from his duties for the day. He takes you, a soft blanket, a few canteens of port, and his favorite baked goods to the lake for the day. You’ve eaten- cakes were thrown, nobody knows who launched the first one (he did), there are crumbs everywhere, the blanket is stained with berries- and now you’re both laying down on the blanket in the shade. He pulls your head onto his belly because I forgot a pillow, come ‘ere, and he doesn’t take no for an answer. Between his gentle, steady breaths, his soft humming, and his fingers running through your hair, you accidentally nap away the afternoon and he absolutely makes fun of you for it later. But joke’s on him because this means you have to run away tomorrow afternoon too.

Definitely when he’s talking with Balin in the beginning of An Unexpected Journey. His EYES!

It is now Kili Ksaturday because we celebrate our beeb every day (and I’m late answering asks so thanks for your patience!) Tagging you @cassiabaggins​ so you’ll get the answer! :) Anon, I hope you see this! 

Guys. Kili would be the best cuddler. He definitely has a hard dwarf bod, but you cannot tell me he wouldn’t be so SOFT. Like smooshy, cuddly soft like soft belly and soft arms soft thighs that could literally strangle an orc at any moment but for you? Nothing but love.

And I just. I know in my heart that he is a very physical little dwarf in normal, platonic, friendly ways. If you didn’t like it, he’d stay away, but if you gave him any vibes that you felt comforted by him holding your hand or hugging you that one time? It’s on.

You’re cold? Ki’s there. You’re sleepy? He’s there. You’re sad? You’re lonely? You’re content or happy or comfy? He’s still there. His arm is always draped on you or around you or near you, just keeping you comforted and warm and safe. You’re listening to Fili’s stories? Kili’s head in is your lap and he’s fiddling with your fingers on the hand that’s not already in his hair. You’re stargazing at night? You’re sitting between his legs so you guys can have the same angle and see the same things. You’re leaning back on his chest and turn your face into his neck and he wraps his arms around you as you fall asleep in his lap.

After the quest, he’s got some stuff going on in his head. Who wouldn’t? He’s seen a lot. They all ALMOST died but THEY’RE ALL FINE but what could have happened haunts him. So maybe one night, you’re chilling in Fili’s chambers in front of the fire and both of the boys are a bit quiet. You get Fili talking, you know that’s what he needs to feel better. So he dives into stories of their childhood or stories of the land- peaceful ones that take the three of you away from the past. Your hands run over Kili’s shoulders from behind and he tenses up. You tell him it’s okay, that he can lean back on you if he wants to. And he thinks about it, then he leans back into your chest, between your legs. He’s big and strong and solid, but you two figure it out. He slides down a bit, knees bent, feet in Fili’s lap, his head in yours and your fingers are running though his hair and it’s finally like old times and everything is okay.