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“In the way we regard our children, our spouses, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers, we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects.They either count like we do or they don't. In the former case we regard them as we regard ourselves, we say our hearts are at peace toward them. In the latter case, since we systematically view them as inferior, we say our hearts are at war.”
― Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
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“...when I betray myself, others' faults become immediately inflated in my heart and mind. I begin to 'horribilize' others. That is, I begin to make them out to be worse than they really are. And I do this because the worse they are, the more justified I feel.”
― Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
Unlocked Humor Panel - Tips for using humor
Since not everyone could attend our Importance of Humor in the Fandom panel at UnlockedCon, I’m doing a few follow up posts. This one is where I shared some thoughts on reducing wank when using humor.
First, some background: humorous communication activates a conversational rule of levity to switch from the usual serious mindset to a non-serious humor mindset for interpreting the message.[x]
Let’s look at three aspects – Target, Topic, and Context
First, who is the Target of the humor? It can be in universe(aimed at the characters) or outside the fictional universe. Most humor is either inclusive or exclusive. Disparagement humor often functions as a means of social control, allowing members of the dominant group in society to maintain their privileged position [x]. So think about the target of the humor, and how you think it will be received. Excluding and disparaging humor aimed at individuals (especially those in a perceived lower power dynamic) have a high wank potential. Humor that is targeted at in-universe characters or is inclusive in nature will have lower wank potential.
Second, what is the Topic? Keep in mind that its up to the receiver to interpret and decide whether or not to take something as serious or nonserious. Some people may not be likely to take certain topics in a non-serious manner. Understand that just because the intent was joking doesn’t mean the receiver can’t approach it seriously. “I was just joking” isn’t an out. So when someone takes something serious that you meant as a joke,you can clarify your intentions but understand that it still may spark serious discussion.
And lastly, what’s the Context? Recipients interpret humor differently depending on their perceptions of the humorist's intentions. If the recipient believes the humorist is malicious, he or she will likely judge the disparagement humor as a socially inappropriate expression of hostility or prejudice and therefore interpret it in a serious, critical mindset [x].
Tumblr (and other online platforms) strip out most of the physical cues we used to understand a person’s intentions (body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc). Try to provide as many cues as possible to indicate humor and intention (in tags or even explicitly in the post) to cut down on wank potential.
"When we have a need to be justified, we actually value problems more than solutions, and we value conflict over peace." I'd like to highly recommend this video to anyone thinking about the current wank, or feeling overwhelmed or saddened by conflict in the fandom. How we THINK about other people and our (sometimes hidden) needs drive conflict in our lives. This concept has made a big impact on me, in both my professional and personal life. I had no idea how much this mindset pervades everything I think about, and I struggle with it every day. But the awareness has made me a much happier person, and my relationships stronger. I've been able to find ways out of some difficult situations. Please please take 19 minutes to watch it, and if it clicks with you read the associated books too.
Just a tip in my experience...when discussing things where emotions run high, try to: -Stick to talking about observable behavior (what a person says or does) -use language that describes things objectively without judgement -be specific (avoid generalizations like always, never, etc.) I'm not touching the wank with a ten foot pike, but sometimes the way we talk around our issues either further divides us or helps us find common ground.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I learned recently that social interactions trigger our brain's same threat/reward assessment as things in our physical environment. Challenges to status or belonging can be threat triggers, which explains a lot of fandom wank now that I think about it. In doing some research I ran across a study that found showing people pictures of others being loved or cared for reduces the brain's response to threat. So, my plan in the event of fandom wank is to post messages and pictures of love and support. BECAUSE SCIENCE. If you're interested in the nerdiness: http://www.strategicleadershipinstitute.net/news/neuroleadership-how-your-brain-fights-for-social-survival-in-the-workplace/ http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/11/141107111025.htm
5 Things Rec
i got tagged by unreconstructedfangirl to post a list of 5 recs (of anything) to spread the fandom love (hat tip to natka-natka-natka for the idea).
professorfonz and her sherlock themed knitting patterns. i've said many times that my friendship with stephisanerd is founded on the deduction hat, so you really never know how far the fandom positivity can go.
the republic of heaven by blind_author. i love this His Dark Materials AU. i yelled "FOR FUCKS SAKE TOUCH HIS WEASEL ALREADY" more literally than usual.
and while we're on the subject, i also love unsettled by axemeaboutaxinomancy, which is another HIs Dark Materials AU. i really love the emotion behind this one.
kompilator. seriously look at this vintage style sherlock art (so many ships!) why do these not have more notes?? please go look at them.
skulls-and-tea who wrangles the most impressive collection of sherlock creator quotes. i love this show so much that all the little details matter, and i really enjoy seeing the perspective of the writers, cast and crew.
i'll tag some folks if you feel like doing it: 221beemine, allysongrono, maps-with-stars, bbcbluebell, destinationtoast, and emmagrant01
