hi, Ili. Last time u talked to yourself like this u were a dumb 16 year old kid, who suffered way too much over first love and thought u knew everything about life. ย aw kid, look at you now: 27 & more confused than ever. i still dont know much, but let me tell you something about love: apart from the unconditional love u give and get from your family and your pets; it seems that love always comes with an expiration date. and guess what, (hereโs the real shocker) when you thought itโd last forever, thereโs a chance that one day youโll wake up to be the person who falls out of it. worst part is thereโs nothing you can do. trust me, i tried. Sometimes I wish i could pull my heart out like a plastic toy, switch up the batteries and with a push of a button, turn it back on again. but life isnโt built to be easy like that. now you look in the mirror to find that youโve become that person who hurt you 10 years ago. i understand now, I cant even be mad ย at him anymore.
so who am i? what is love?I stare at my face and I canโt even recognize it. I see a couple of new wrinkles, a few grey strands, my eyes are deep puddles of wisdom but iโve never been so lost. ย day to day life fills you up with little crumbs along the way. u either donโt notice it or u try to convince yourself that its normal and thats its ok. then when you least expect it, those crumbs turn into sand dunes crushing your back and your shoulders. at this point uโre just sinking, drowning, aching. do you keep โlovingโ or are you gonna try to be happy? do you break a lifetime promise or do you opt to live a life buried in a dune of lies? till death do us part or till my anxiety refrains me from the basic right of breathing? i dont know what the secret is to eternal love. when its fresh its easy. when its old its wilting. i hope i get to experience the one that remains new through the thick and thin. maybe iโll just have to learn to love myself that way, seems like the right place to start.
