#falling involve

~Monsoon

Water comes down from the sour skies, its humid. Is it water or is it sweat, I dart my tongue out, its salty. I pull the blinds close, the darkness stays.

Outside theres a storm raging on, who would notice when I have a raging war in my heart and mind. I close my eyes, same darkness.

I listen, theres a noisy silence, kind of like a static or white noise but not exactly. There’s a rumbling, I can't differentiate if its from me or the dark clouds.

Theres water on my cheeks, is it me or the water from the outside invading my sanctuary, no the windows are closed.

Oh. I'm crying again.

Wonder how you would look, with tears around your eyelashes. Maybe blushing from crying, with your messed up hair, more so from usual. Would your curls be smooth and soft or would it be rough? I want to card my fingers through them.

The thunder crackles, I open my eyes. Theres only the soft murmur of the rain.

I look outside, the rain falls from the sky at such a rapid pace. Feels like pieces of the sky are falling square by square. I muse, the rain connecting the sky and the river. The only time the sky and the Earth are one. The damp smell of wet earthen lands, and freshly washed away grass. The trees were rained upon with such vigour the leaves were washed a sparkling green from the parched browning of the summer sun.

I readjust my eyes from the meadows in the far sight to the panes of my cloudy windows. The rain drops seemed so calm and they were the same as those outside. One by one some caught up with themselves and became bigger and fell down, at snails' pace.

The same drops a week back that grazed your soft skin. Each drop holding a treasured memory, a comfort. Each one enraptures the hope of love that sparked when I wiped those drops and you smiled- shy and sweet like the aroma of hot cocoa and milk in the overcast shadowy haze.

When will the rain pour so heavily that I can build a boat and row down to your door. We can sail the seas and look at the sunsets. Not the homely ones with mud caked feet and mosquitos but magical ones out in the ocean with the vast pool of abyss and a sky that stretched across out heads.

The water gushes from the sky like my feelings. Unlike the rain I weep silently and the thunder rumbles outside resonating with my cries and guilt and flashes of lighting like my anger and frustration.

The day I will hold you and kiss you in the rain will be the day a rainbow will shine, till then the world will flood from the rain and my heart with your love.

Autumn~

Autumn comes with a wind so soft and silent like the leaves rustling in the depth of the forest. The red hues and brownish gradient of the land like those of earthen pots and dusty red roads.

I sniff the air, it doesn’t smell too bad just dusty. The whole place seems to be covered in a layer of dust. Unlike summer, there is a stillness but no heat nor is there buzzing of insects. And unlike monsoon theres no rain and no rib-bits of frogs. Just clear skies with tufts of cloud scattered across the azure sky.

Everything’s changed from grey to brown’s and red’s. I wonder if you're going to wear that white dress again, maybe with a sweater and tights, for it is cold. Still this time I'm sure you’d look prettier. The roads match your curls though maybe yours is a richer hue.

The night falls faster than before, spreading its shadowy slivers into every nook and cranny, chasing light away. Still everyone stays awake, with their little pet fires and warm drinks. The winds hasn't changed from the moist winds to a dry chilling ones in winter, but theres a mixture of both - with a hint of cinnamon and spices. The kind that makes you sneeze but want to take another breath to fill yourself with the aroma of the earthly wonders.

Kind of like loving you, its dangerous it leaves a sharp pang of pain but its refreshing in its own way. Warmth laced with icy cold.

A few thoughts alone in the room, under a blanket tracing your silhouette on a priceless photograph, the iciness wins with thoughts of losing you, and you hating me for my sinful ways.

The warmth comes flowing in when you greet me with a smile and hold my hardened hands in your smaller softer ones.

This hot and cold of my heart from you will surely end up in me with fever. If only you came to take care of me, ah. I can imagine it already, as I close my eyes and let the vision take over. Me flushed from the fever and bated breath, while you wipe my forehead with gentle fingers and a cold towel. You softly whisper sweet nothings, telling me it’ll be okay, or maybe you’ll scold me for catching a cold. Ah, why does my heart so fast every time I think of you?

I walk on, theres leaves on the road.

Remember last fall when we collected the leaves of Maple and Gulmohar, we pressed it for a school project. It was so colourful and we laughed later in the summer heat it had cracked and it was turning into dust. I remembered being sad, for losing them when we worked so hard, but you just took my hand and squeezed it and laughed. Your eyes creased into small half moons and your laugh was contagious. I mean how could I not? My heart floats away whenever you smile and you laughing is like a heaven’s gift in this hell.

Walking on them it crunched under my shoes, a childish feeling took over as I jumped on the leaves here and there. And that was when I saw you waiting outside your house by the door. Your eyes lit up in mischief. You look amused.

I gasp out loud, stopping mid-jump. Gorgeous- thats the only word I could feel as I stared at you. *Komorebi - thats how the light fell on you. The Tyndall effect made you look prettier like glitter on an art piece .

You walk to me and my heart elates. Smiling you step on the leaves crunching them, grabbing both my hands, and just like children we jump up and down. Running like crazy in circles. Laughing the quiet afternoon turning into evening filled with screams and giggles.

Then we end up on the leaf carpeted field, rolling around?

I can't remember but one moment we were jumping on leaves and the next we were on the field, looking up at the cluttered cloud and blue sky with specks of red and pink.

Side by side we lay, catching our breathes, then you roll over.

You look down at me and my heart leaps again. No thoughts. There is a silence in my head for once, as I stare and search your eyes. Then you smile and drop your head in the crook of my right shoulder.

Did I wash my hair? Was I smelly after playing for so long? Are you comfortable? These thoughts should’ve gone through my head, but honestly I felt peace.

Right there with you draped halfway and your head on my side, it was the best.

Tentatively I pick my left hand, I hold it limply above your head, confused whether I should place in behind your head. Then I did. And everything felt just right. I notice, your hair is softer than I had ever imagined in those nights.

Silence never seemed so noisy before. All I can hear is my heart thumping agitatedly against my chest. I wonder if you can hear it.

Nevertheless I hear your breathing, trying to gauge out whether you are comfortable. Your breath came regularly, softly and gently just like you. Seems like you fell asleep. I close my eyes too, swimming in the moment.

This isnt the first time I held you, but this intimacy gives me hope. Maybe this can warm me through the upcoming winter. For now, I bask here with you laying on me, sleeping so peacefully.

-yearningwords