#fail wolf

Allison likes being alone. It clears her thoughts because being a wife to the man she once vowed to destroy when her father King Chris couldn’t, surprise mother to the most adorable (and normal looking) child to come out of an egg, and green alien who wanted to take over the world is more than a tad stressful. Scott, bless him, understands that he and Melissa Junior can be more than a little too rambunctious for her.

“I can take Junior to the Kame House today. Isaac has been begging me to come and Stiles has been making noises that he’s going today. It would be nice to see everyone! I think the last time we saw them was at the wedding!” Scott said this morning. He calls Nimbus, gently takes the sleeping toddler into his arms, and kisses Allison gently.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Allison said.

“Love you!”

Nimbus flies off with the two most important people in her life and Allison flies to her favorite wastelands. The rock formation that she loves to stand has a nice panoramic view and makes her feel like a complete badass standing there stoically.

And shooting energy arrows, watching things explode.

Unfortunately her “watching shit blow up” time is cut short when this huge ki level dings on Allison’s senses and freaks her out.

Like, seriously.

The energy level is off the charts, higher than Scott’s, higher than anyone that Allison has met before. It boggles her mind how high this is and she wonders what kind of person has that high of a level.

A woman comes down from the sky, hair whipping in the wind making her look feral. She was tan, wearing strange armor. She looks exactly like any human except for the sharpened teeth and claws for nails.

“Well there is no way in hell you’re Durazno, though you smell like a Wereyian.”

“And who the fuck are you?” Allison demands.

  “Your new master.” The woman gives a wink and then turns to fly off. Normally Allison would not be too consider with a random stranger but this stranger happens to be currently flying in the vague direction of Kame House, where her husband and son currently reside. She should check on that. Normal people check on that. Emotions are hard.

  Meanwhile...

  Scott is really happy to see the gang again. He hasn’t had time to catch up with his friends since before Melissa Junior was born, actually before that. He is pretty sure the last time he saw Isaac and Stiles it was at the wedding. That sounds right. There has been a lot on his mind recently, mostly Allison and Junior, and he really needs to make better time for his friends. Who are currently fighting.

“It has to be broken.” Isaac insists to Stiles who is currently messing with one of the millions of gadgets he always has about his person.

“It’s not broken, I have told you three different times the readings are putting a power level much higher than anything I have detected before coming this way.”

“Hey everyone!” Scott exclaimed, hopping of Nimbus.

 ~~~~~~~

“Did that strange woman just steal your baby?” Stiles asks looking at the retreating forms in the sky. Stiles would like to point out that all of his friend can apparently fly which is an unfair advantage and the moment he gets home he is building a helicopter.

“SOMEONE STOLE JUNIOR!” Allison comes screeching out of the sky already with bow drawn. It’s the worst thing Stiles has ever witnessed in the history of ever. Of course Scott had to fall in love with a scary green alien that regrow her limbs and have offspring with said alien.

Roshi and Stiles are super helpful and just point at the flying things off in the distance.

“Somebody claiming to be Scott’s cousin just grabbed it, beat up Isaac….” Stiles begins

“Who is fine by the way, thanks for asking!” Isaac groans from the corner.

“Oh wear a scarf!” Stiles retorts.

“Scott.” Allison begins through gritted teeth.

“Yes Dear?” Scott goes to his one real defense against his wife, puppy eyes.

“You are sexiled,” Allison hisses. “Till you die.”

“But Allison,” Scott starts with his puppy eyes becoming larger and larger.

“No buts, YOU LET JUNIOR GET FUCKING KIDNAPPED!”

Hell hath no fury like a Namekian mother separated from her child.

It’s actually rather impressive Scott to get on that cloud thing of his, it’s totally in love with Scott Stiles has done experiments, and fly off after his child and possible distance cousin. Allison takes a moment to glare at everyone that remains and then flies off herself.

“I should learn to fly.” Isaac states from the rumble on the side of Kameh house.

“You were dropped as a child, weren’t you?” Stiles says with all the love and affection he can muster.

“The house isn’t just going to fix itself!”

~~~~

“So lets get this straight, Scott is actually an alien race that can turn into a giant wolf?” Stiles asks looking at Roshi.

“Basically. It happened like five times when he was a kid.”

“I need to make some calculations.” Stiles pulls out that weird computer thing he has with him at all times. “I need to be told these things for my power levels calculations.”  

 ~~~~

“Guys, did Allison skip the whole ‘mourning phase and just run off into the wilderness with her son now that Scott is dead?” Isaac asks when Cora had been forced back into her slightly broken space ship and told to stay away. Maybe they should have done worse seeing as her fight with Scott and Allison basically killed Scott. Although it was the arrow that actually did, the arrow that Allison shot.

Not on purpose mind you. She had really been aiming for Cora, who Scott was trying to pin down.

“I am sure this is some kind of Namiekian way to grieve.” Stiles offers.

“We gonna do the Dragon Ball thing now?” Roshi asks from the Jeep.

“Oh yeah, who wants to be not dead anymore?” Stiles asks happily. Which is of course met with silence because Scott is dead, Allison ran off and Isaac doesn’t think he is funny. Despite that time Isaac clearly had a thing for Stiles. It was a dark moment in Isaac’s life which he does not speak about. It is something that they are both happy not to talk about until Lydia mentions it. Goddamnit Lydia.

 ~~~

“What do you mean you can’t transform? What kind Wereyian are you?” The alien asks. Scott is really getting sick of random people showing up to fight him or attack earth. Granted that whole thing with Allison turned out fine. Once he cut Chris in half and revealed the egg that turned into Allison (Still really weird.) everything had turned out great. That whole getting pregnant and laying an egg that became a baby, also still weird.

The point is that this alien is going to try and fight Scott and Allison. Which means Isaac is going to show up with… yup he brought Junior, why does he always do that. He is never getting babysitting duty ever again.

“You know I can see when you guys all do this shit without me. Why do you think I put tracking chips in all of you?” Stiles shouts as he storms around a boulder.

Right, the gangs all here.

“What kind of Wereyian has no tail?” Asks the alien. Scott now notices that Stiles is doing that thing with his face that means there is a hot person around. Scott is pretty sure he isn’t doing it for Allison, or Isaac or anyone really…. except, yep alien dude. Damnit Stiles, why do you have to go for the evil, hot dudes?

 ~~~

Allison hates the moon so fucking much. Junior has just transformed into a rampaging giant wolf monster alien. Mountains are being destroyed and there are eye beams ripping up the ground. The howls are piercing through the night and there’s nothing to be done. Thanks to her lovely genetics the baby can regenerate limbs including that godforsaken tail. She’s frustrated and wants Scott with her right now.

“Stop mocking me,” she hisses at the moon because all of her problems have to deal with the damn rock in the sky. After a few attempts to corral her rowdy offspring, she loses it.

“You know what moon, SCREW OFF!” she screams and shoots an arrow. The moon explodes in a spectacular fashion.

~~~

“Well actually,” Stiles looks around the hospital room not making eye contact. “Isaac and I were think we could head to Namiek first while you get better.”

“Why would you do that?” Scott gives a sad little cough. He is not handling the whole ‘Allison’s turn at being dead’ thing so well.

“Well Allison had mentioned there were dragon balls on Namiek right. I mean the only reason we have them was because she was here. Now that she is gone we have to fix that right. Can’t have Melissa Junior growing up without his mother.”

“You would do that for me?” Scott has a puppy grin.

“Of course.”

“We need to take Melissa Junior with us.” Isaac blurts out before Stiles can ease them into that.

“What?”

“We do kind of need at  least a half Namiekian to help and….”

“You want to take my five year old son…..”

“Six.”

“My six year old son to an unknown planets outside the solar system to try and find some magic balls so we can bring his mother back to life.”

“Basically.” Isaac and Stiles say together.

Scott glares.

“It was Deaton’s idea.” Isaac offers.

“Oh well then, I guess that’s okay.”

“Really?” Isaac asks

“Well I trust Deaton! Melissa Junior would totally be okay!” Scott answers cheerfully. Nobody mentions how batshit insane Deaton really is. Let’s not kill the poor alien when his wife is already dead.

 ~~~

“Do you know how to fly this?” Isaac asks suddenly worried. He is getting into a space ship with a crazy genius and a six year old, that doesn’t really make him feel safe.

“Kinda?”

“What!”

“Popo!”

~~~

“Uncle Stiles?”

“Yes Junior?”

“Why is the grass blue?”

“Because space.”

“THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER STILES!” Isaac shouts from the cave.

“Finish going to the bathroom already. I’m his godfather.”

“No you aren’t, I am.”

There is a long silence.

“What kind of lies are you spewing?” Stiles asks sweetly but Junior backs way the fuck up.

“I mean, I’ve probably sparred with Scott more than anyone else, except for Allison. That makes me the godfather,” Isaac states.

“I’ve known Scott longer,” Stiles hisses.

“I’ve died for him,” Isaac retorts.

“You were murdered so that doesn’t count. And Allison died for Scott so don’t even,” Stiles snaps.

 ~~~

“Melissa Junior, what have I said about going into battle without consulting an adult?” Stiles snaps when he sees that HIS godson has clearly rescued one Namiekian from that crazy person in the flying wheel chair.

“But they were going to hurt her.” Junior looks sheepish but adorable. Clearly he has inherited not only his father’s looks but his ability to puppy eyes and an affinity for green women.

“My name’s Kira.” The little green lady smiles.

“Of course it is.” Isaac growls.  

They are never going to find the dragonballs now.

 ~~~

Kira looks over at Isaac and asks, “what’s my name?”

“It’s little green!”

The glare is as intense as a thousand burning suns.

~~~

“Isn’t that the guy that killed my mom and all your friends?” Junior asks pointing at a very far off Derek Hale.

“Yes it is. We are going to run now. Okay. Running.”

~~~

Stiles would like to take back that whole comment about Junior being silly for getting all emotional and saving Kira from certain death, because turns out tiny green lady can heal. Which is an extremely useful skill in this group of people.

“I feel like we are falling behind on this whole ‘find the dragon balls and save Allison and the others bit’ right now.”

 ~~~

“Hey Stiles we’re taking the Dragon Ball!” Isaac calls out. Stiles looks up from his Popular Mechanics, startled, and looks like someone blasted him into next week.

“What the hell is going on?” he asks since apparently, Derek Hale has joined their group and isn’t there to kill them all.

“No time to explain!” Isaac exclaims.

“Hurry Uncle Stiles!” Junior screeches, panic ladened in his voice. Derek is staring at Stiles as the Dragon Ball is taken and everyone is beginning to fly off. Stiles loves being the center of attention of hot people but not when there’s an alien psycho doing it.

“You’re hair is shit,” Derek eventually says before flying away. It takes a moment for Stiles to come back to himself and he scowls deeply.

“Says the Prince of Bushbrows.”

 ~~~

Stiles decides after the fifth day of not really hearing much of anything from Junior, Isaac or Scary McHotPants Derek The Murdering Alien that he should go looking for them.

Which is how he finds the giant crab.

And no one is there to see him kill a giant crab. He is going to start recording this shit.

~~~

"Are you gonna just sulk over there?" Stiles asks.

Derek remains silent.

 ~~~

"Hey stud, I can be your daddy anytime you want," Stiles purred. Mysterious dude looked like his world imploded. (Internal Screaming)

“I uh have a girlfriend,” the dude blurted out. “Not that boys aren’t hot or anything. You’re just not my type. You remind me too much of my dad.”

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT FUCKERS. Really Wolfie, did you have to say that out loud?

“Then you’re dad is hot,” Stiles states and oh my God the thirst is real.

 ~~~

WE APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING!

CHARACTER CHEAT SHEET.

Goku- Scoot McCute

Gohan- MELISSA MCCALL JUNIOR, AKA JUNIOR

Piccolo- Allison

Raditz- CORA

Krillin- Isaac

Yamcha- Jackson

Tien- Danielle

Chiaotzu- Heather

Bulma- STILES STILINSKI

Vegeta- DEREK HALE

Nappa- Peter Hale

 Trunks - WOLFGANG REMUS STILINSKI

Freeza- Kate

King Cooler- Gerard

 Dende- Kira