#fade walking

“Dalen…” He whispered, his voice catching in this throat as they stood together in a dark recess, water dripping from the ceiling, and the torches flickering their illuminations.

She offered up a hand, palm open in invitation, the smile that fell on her lips asked only that he come to her. He almost reached back, before realisation hit him harder than the blow of any weapon.

“You are a poor imitation.” He said to the spirit, rearranging his features to mask whatever it had been that clouded them as well as his mind to such obvious deception.

“You should know how we work, Solas.” The spirit replied, still using Lavellan’s voice. “We are shaped only by the mind of the dreamer; this form makes you happiest.” She smiled, lowering her hand and taking a few steps in his direction.

Throwing his hands up, to signal she should stop, Solas backed away from her. What type of spirit was she? He refused to allow his mind to think any answers that would only serve to complicate matters further.

“I only wish to help, Falon.” She whispered, looking sadly in his direction.

“Help?” He questioned.

“You are lying to yourself, ir su araval tu elvaral u na emma abelas.” The spirit explained sadly.

Solas swallowed, dropping his guard.

Seeing his pause, the spirit moved closer to him, taking up his hands, he did not protest.

She placed his palm gently over her heart, feeling her chest rise and fall with every breath the spirit had no need to take, feeling the beat his mind manufactured. Her free hand mirrored the action, touching him, sending a sensation through his chest that ached.

“Lath sa'vunin.” She smiled hopefully, looking at him through Lavellan’s eyes, as he felt the rhythm of the Elven language wash over him, making him feel at home. Lavellan’s true form could never say the words so elegantly. The thought of her imperfections only served to bring a smile to his face.

“It would be selfish of me.” He muttered, forcing himself to not meet her gaze. Even knowing it was an illusion no longer mattered, as the spirit well knew – this was only a battle of his conscience.

“Then be a little selfish.” She whispered, releasing his hand. He held it there regardless, it didn’t matter that it was not real, this was the closest he could ever allow himself, and part of him wanted to relish in it, to take her properly in his arms and show her how she made him feel.

He felt a hand  on his cheek, the touch too silky to be real, but when he looked, he saw only her face, her eyes, her freckled skin, the smile on her slightly parted lips.

“I would break her heart, and in doing so break my own.” He let the words fall from him, but still he could not force himself to move an inch, or to wake.

“Or you won’t.” The spirit voiced the little trapping that had taken root in the tiniest recess of his mind. It was a hope he harboured even unbeknown to himself.

“A spirit of hope?” He asked, suddenly aware. Not love.

“Love can only come from hope, Solas. And hope from love.” She said sweetly, and reaching up, she kissed his unresponsive lips as he stood frozen in the dingy cave. It lasted only a fraction of a second, but it left tingles where they had connected.

“You do deserve happiness, you do deserve her. Let her love you and it will change you.” The spirit spoke as she stepped back away from him. “You need only let yourself hope for it.”

She melted away, a ghost on the salty air, being carried off to the sea, leaving Solas with nothing but questions he alone had to find the answers for. He was frightened for the first time in a long time, of what the repercussions of his hopes could mean.

  Forcing himself awake, Solas sat up in his tent, hearing the patter of the rain on the fabric above him. She had found her way into his dreams as well as his waking thoughts and he dismayed, knowing exactly the direction he was headed. He had to resist, for her own good as well as his. It was only a matter of time before she found her way into his heart. 

----------- Translation -----------

ir su araval tu elvaral u na emma abelas - but long journeys are made longer when alone within