#faceself

Five minutes ago, I woke up, head beating, seething with hatred, much similar to how I wake up from every hangover, whether I got laid, fired, performed a top tier poem or put my arm through a car window.. it is still the same. There is still that regret sinking through my bones, and it is happy to waive and crash into me. I’m not sorry for how I feel when i’m drunk, no matter which spectrum of emotion I choose to exhaust, its drinking that lets me feel & after you’ve been through as much as me, thats a whole ocean, I wouldn’t recommend diving into. So no matter what emotion I choose to un fulfill, I overwhelm and exhaust it. I tire of that feeling.. not so much reaching these maxims, but feeling, itself. Feeling myself. I was always taught that feelings were checked at the door and I haven’t yet learned to disagree with that. I’m here rambling, when i’m just tired

all used up

regardless, this is the first day in preperation to my 30 days of happiness,

let me be clear..

if I can’t find a way to open my eyes back to lie in these 30 days of being sober I will either need to go see an optometrist,