#f16stmpno2

An article by Clam Choudhury

New Brunswick, NJ-- The Rutgers University Dining Hall brings mixed feelings toward students. There are some benefits and disadvantages of Rutgers Dining Halls. 

Disadvantages:

After a long day, all one really wants is good food. That, unfortunately, did not happen for Stephanie Sikander, a student a Rutgers University, 19, when she entered Brower Commons Dining Hall on the College Avenue Campus. “Ew. I dislike Brower!” she exclaimed. 

Chaand Patel, 19, and Krupa Patel, 19, two vegetarians enrolled in Rutgers University, strolled into Busch Dining Hall hoping for enjoyable meatless food, but were disappointed to find out their only choice of food was a salad. How (salad)isfying...?

A Facebook post posted during finals week on the Rutgers University 2019 page read, “If only the number of meal swipes I have left was my exam grade.” That must have been an enormous amount of meal swipes they had left over considering they want that to be their exam grade.

It has been found common in students to eat outside the dining hall often because they were tired of eating dining hall food constantly. Eating at the same place anywhere frequently can do that. A student, David Blyd, 19, had said, “Working at a fast food restaurant and eating their food everyday made me sick of the food.”

Advantages:

But not all is lost! Livingston Dining Hall is always raved about. With its top notch Burger Bar, amazing cheese fries, and great pasta, it is never a disappointment. The burger bar on Livingston Dining Hall is always filled with people. The other dining halls have plenty of benefits too. Brower Dining Hall has the best pizza and ice cream bar, where someone will always find something to eat. Busch Dining Hall, with its awesome sushi, one cannot be disappointed. Free sushi is always a great time one would think, right?

Rutgers always holds special days where they will have special themed meals that will cause all the students to be excited. Sikander brought up, “Around Valentines, all the dining halls had a chocolate theme. There were chocolate fountains, brownies, candy. It was amazing!” Things like these, bring students something to be heart-eyed about. Chocolate is considered to be heart healthy! Furthermore, every year, Rutgers University holds “Neptune Night” in the beginning of the fall semester in each of their dining halls which is also something for students to look forward to. 

The dining hall also makes it easy for Freshman to make friends. Chaand Patel said, “Steph [Sikander] and I saw Krupa [Patel] at the dining hall and asked her to sit with us. Now we’re all inseparable!” A life long friendship sounds pretty appealing to the average Rutgers student one would assume. 

Rutgers also has places on campus that accept meal swipes, such as Woody’s on Busch Campus, Rock Cafe, Sbarro’s and Kilmer’s Market on Livingston Campus, Cook and Douglass Cafe on the Cook/Douglass Campuses!

By DORSPLEEN

September 19, 2016

The unnecessary trial to prove that “Bridgegate” was an inside job cooked up by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s party began on Monday in Newark. “Bridgegate” refers to the notorious traffic jam on the already busy George Washington Bridge that was orchestrated by two of Christie’s allies so that they could get back at one of Christie’s haters, Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich, a democrat, for not endorsing Christie to further ruin lives.

Prosecutors uninterestedly said that there is evidence to show that former deputy executive direction of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, William Baroni Jr., and a former Port Authority executive, David Wildstein, bragged about how they created the monstrous traffic jam and how they never called Mayor Sokolich back. The worst part is that they bragged about this directly to Governor Christie at a September 11 memorial service in 2013, as if there wasn’t anything bigger than themselves to talk about or anything to pay their respects to.

Monday’s trial proceedings resulted in no comment from Christie’s office. Instead, they quoted Christie on saying he only found out about “Bridgegate” through the media like everyone else.” They even made an effort to bring up a report to use as evidence from Christie’s lawyers where he blatantly and viciously denies being spoken to about anything traffic related at the 9/11 memorial service.” What more can you expect from a fervent supporter of a presidential candidate who always puts his foot in his mouth?

On the other hand, Wildstein’s lawyer, Alan Zegas, said that there is evidence that Christie did have knowledge of the traffic inducing lane closure as it was happening. No one is surprised that neither Zegas nor Christie’s office had anything to say.

After the 9/11 attacks George W. Bush opened the path to new kinds of war. His intervention on the Irak soil, which started in 2002 gave birth to a new movement, which grew in Middle East jails.  Prisons were supposed to drive back jihadism (fact of leaving its country to fight for one’s religion). We knew Al-Qaeda, now we have to face ISIS and its consequences.

Today one of the most important missions of the Western countries is to fight ISIS by bombarding its territories. But this has consequences. Those « safe » countries are now attacked. It is France, Belgium, Germany, and the United States. In France for instance, the shock was even greater because the French people had never heard from the government before that it was in war.

So, on one hand a « regular war » is led, on the other hand, the war led by ISIS, is a new one. Its most powerful tool is the Internet. Most of the Western jihadists are recruited through it. Social media are transformed into a weapon of propaganda, brainwashing, and a space where attacks can be planned. According to the newspaper Le Monde, « Propaganda［is］ISIS’ weapon of predilection » (translated from the French « La  propagande, arme de prédilection de l’État Islamique »)

Third, we need to talk about alliances. As far as geopolitics is concerned, divergences are common. Thus, countries such as Syria, use the pretext of the war to bombe civilians, politic opponents and so on.

Finally, we should also mention the rise of nationalists movements. Even though they have no other project for the country than closing its boarders. They were originally weak, but because of the terrorists attacks, the resentment against immigrants is rising. The problem is that those type of political parties are supported by other nationalists countries.

So we can conclude that today we face four types of war. The « original » one, the Internet one, the geopolitic one, and a kind of civil war. I think we can qualify the last two as « cold wars ».

At the Primetime Emmy’s this past Sunday night, Grease Live won out over Beyonce, and it had millions over the internet outraged. How in this day and age could anyone, especially one of caucasian decent, beat out Beyonce for an award? Outraged members of the “beehive” took to twitter Sunday night to voice their outrage and concerns. Crystalleww exclaimed, “LEMONADE lost to GREASE LIVE i hate white culture so much.” On the same idea, Matt Bellassai tweeted, “when will white men stop winning awards that belong to Beyonce.” Obviously, of all the racial issues going on in our country and in the world, the most disturbing and outrage-evoking one of all, is Beyonce losing an Emmy to an all white musical cast. Another tweeter, Jack Mirkwinson writes, “Grease Live beating Beyonce - it’s like Trump already won.” As if Beyonce losing one award out of the countless others that she has, is as impactful as our presidential election. As if her not winning is as blasphemous and awful to the idea of controversial and hypocritical republican candidate Donald Trump becoming our president. Because in this day in age, with violence, death, horrible presidential candidates, massive natural disaster, homophobia, prejudice, racism, etc., the most awful thing in the world, is Beyonce losing an Emmy. Nice to know everyone has their priorities straight. 

 - BOOKWORM

Written by Phabtema

NJ - With the start of the new school year bombarding us, we as college students seem to be inevitably forced to acknowledge the reality of school again. Given the demise of summer, and the unfortunate summoning of responsibilities, students may often feel like they are getting overworked and forgetting what it’s like to be a functioning human being. According to a recent 2016 survey conducted by the Institute of Schleep, students of Rutgers University have shared that important health activities, like getting a good night’s rest or fitting in a routinely meal, have become more and more of a struggle to complete. Unfortunately, through the strenuous tasks of everyday life, students are also becoming more at risk of “NMSD” (Need More Sleep Disorder). The uprising of this epidemic has instilled extensive fear amongst the Univesity goers. Well, what if there was a solution to this? Have no fear! I, Phabtema, have constructed a handy dandy lifestyle mnemonic that will regress the inner turmoil students may face through the course of this semester. Proven to be 99.9% effective when implemented correctly (statistically proven by Institute of Schleep), I present to you: SLAY

Sleep Lounge Adequacy Yearn to slumber

With the help of SLAY, students will be back on their feet in no time, feeling like they have a purpose for life again. Let’s get started, shall we?

Sleep - This step involves the basic understanding of how vital sleep is to one’s well being. When students fully ingest the benefits of sleep, it will allow them to value life at another level, and feel more inclined to apply relaxation methods to their routine. Sleep is the means of survival, which is pretty much what anyone needs to understand in order to complete this step. Although its benefits reign endless, I have compiled the 3 utmost crucial benefits that sleeping possesses, which include: avoiding real life interaction, practicing for death, and longevity. Those last two though…slightly ironic, huh?

Lounge - This step is all about the art of getting comfortable. Lounging refers to the beauty of unwinding oneself to a vegetative state. Lounging is not just a relaxation method, but rather a mentality, in which it becomes a lifestyle that is exposed to the outskirts of the world. Some elements of lounging include: Netflix binge sessions, consuming a tub of ice cream in one sitting, staring off into an abyss of nothingness, but most important of all - SWEATPANTS. Here are a couple words of witnesses to the success of SLAY/Sweatpants enthusiasts:

“The sweatpant is an abstract item that symbolizes far beyond just ‘basic attire’ in my eyes. The sweatpant emulates the different forms in which beauty can derive from simplicity. Yes, indeed sweatpants are beautiful. They are like fluffy blankets for my legs, except I can take them with me wherever I go. They are my reason for existence, for they allow me to lounge anywhere I go and remind me that sleep is possible in every corner” -Sharmin Doreen, Sophomore at Rutgers University.

“Sweatpants…IZZZ LIT!” -Samantha Choudhury, Sophomore at Rutgers University.

Adequacy - This step deals with the actual action of sleeping, so we’re getting pretty deep here. Students should fall under the “getting enough sleep” to “more than enough sleep” on the snooze radar. Adequacy is the most important element to all of this and acts as the key ingredient to successfully weave together all that we have learned so far. Adequacy serves to satisfy the student’s craving to repose and promotes proper sleep hygiene. Adequacy also helps to alleviate the overwhelming feelings of stress and prevents students from feeling sluggish throughout their days. Institute of Schleep have concluded through various experiments that students who slept for 8-10 hours straight vs. those who slept 2-3 hours have shown an increase of self-esteem and overall happiness in their daily living. Now doesn’t that sound sleeptastic?!

By Alex Treehugger

Science says selfies make people happier and more confident. According to the Psychology of Well-being Journal, the time spent taking selfies would lead people away from pursuing non-productive activities such as doing drugs or applying for graduate school. Scientists conducted a study, dubbed the “Selfie-ish Study”, to observe this behavior by documenting their mood through an app, Selfie-Me. Students took a picture when they were happy, when they were sad, when they took an exam, or when they were hungry. They were SO much happier and into themselves, that one psychologist believed the students showed signs of narcissism and that they did not spend enough time focusing on family, friends, or peers.

Once the study was conducted, the scientists concluded based on the results that “the students reported such a high of level confidence that they felt like they no longer needed to read textbooks, newspapers, or anything else on paper”. Gloria Mann, professor of information technology at the University of Michigan said in a statement, “You see a lot of reports about the negative implication of smartphone but great inventions like the iPhone really have given us a new age of fulfilling our need to be selfish… which can be a good thing”. This study it seems has opened more doors for scientists to study the true function of selfies and whether they are helpful or serve no benefit to anyone.

By Sylvia Wrath

Landlord had “just broken up with recent girlfriend”

Early indications by tenant that landlord was constantly calling to “demand” rent “every month”

Police reportedly found creepy storage of legal documents of all tenants in landlord’s apartment, titled as “leases”

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ -- RUPD and local investigators have been getting complaints from New Brunswick off-campus tenants at Rutgers - State University of New Jersey regarding landlord, John Keats, who has been incessantly emailing and calling his tenants for unpaid monthly rent “like a desperate ex-boyfriend,” retired army major and current RUPD police officer, Major Buzzkill informs.

Despite alarming frequency of off-campus crime alerts, the focus of many off-campus students has been the tireless and, frankly, weird tendency of property owner and landlord John Keats in recent months. Keats, who has owned various real estate through out New Brunswick for the last thirty years has  known to be a rather sensitive and hopeless romantic, always tending to the needs of his tenants. Quinn Benedict, junior studying health sciences at Rutgers, commented on the subject:

“John is like, super sweet. Last month when the fridge in our house broke down, he, like, came over and fixed it.” she explains in detail, drinking her pumpkin spice latte. “If he wasn’t my landlord, I’d totally go out with him.”

Others share a different perspective on Keats, insisting that sometimes his affection inches on borderline excessive. Samantha Smith explains:

“I told John to stop calling me,” she describes as waits at the crowded Scott Hall bus stop. “But he calls me at the same time every month absolutely begging me to give him rent. So clingy!”

Officials began investigations at John Keats’ apartment after allegations that Keats was creepily “mowing the lawn” of one of his tenants’ yard on Sicard Street last week.

Katie Klaus, tenant in the house, describes the event: “It’s a Saturday and he shows up to mow our lawn, out of the blue and uninvited.” she shares in mortification. “Then he asked us if there was anything wrong with the house--talk about stalker.”

Zero were injured or hospitalized from the incident, but tenants of the house cite extreme mental harassment.

“For the time being, we have chosen to evacuate all patrons and have directed them to stay indoors or evacuate the area,” Major Buzzkill told us last night.

“Revolutionary Hollywood HUNK supplement”: How the stars transform their bodies with this new miracle supplement!

-Gordon Fillslip

We all remember fun loving Chris Pratt from Parks and Recreation; he was chubby, he was quirky, and he was not the sharpest tool in the shed but he won the hearts of us all. Fast forward, after landing a role in Jurassic World Pratt completely transformed his physique shocking us all. His secret? While he did put a tremendous amount of effort into working out, his personal trainer leaked the name of the miracle supplement he says Pratt and many other A-list celebs have been taking for years. 

We caught up with Pratt’s trainer who preferred not to be named (his name is John Necterline) to find out exactly what celebs have been taking to go through these incredible body fluctuations. “Its called Gethumongousine” Pratts trainer informed us and is not yet FDA approved. Along with Pratt, Kim K has said you be a user to bounce back from her pregnancy along with Zac Effron to prepare for his new role in Bay Watch. 

We here at CYBER-CIPHER sought out a nutritionist to find out exactly how Gethumongousine works. PHD Mary Clautner, who is on the board for nutritional studies at UC Berkley said Gethumongousine is, “all the rage in the shadows of Hollywood fitness.” The supplement acts as a vacuum for your muscles sucking in the proteins from our food while simultaneously multiplying the benefits proteins usually have for our muscles. She noted that a typical workout routine to see these results would take years to accomplish but with the administration of Gethumongousine A-listers can completely change their bodies in a matter of weeks. Clautner continued by issuing a warning: “Gethumongousine has serious side effects.” She listed large head syndrome, no-neck disease, and fits of rage. She also highlighted the fact that because it was not FDA approved little to know concrete research has been conducted about the side effects from long term usage. So while you can change your body like Kim K you also could be severely damaging internal organs.

CYBER-CIPHER was contacted by an average joe and long time user of Gethumongousine who experienced adverse effects. Larry Tinsely who is pictured above beneath Chris Pratt’s before and after and clearly did not benefit from the supplement. “I had no idea of the large head syndrome that could result from taking this supplement” Larry admitted. He continued by telling us his source for the supplement was Danny Bonaduce a former starlet who had his years in Hollywood battling steroid abuse and perhaps Gethumongousine before completely disappearing from the limelight. Larry attributes his negative side effects to not having access to nutritionists and trainers like the stars do who monitor their doses. Although Gethumongousine has completely ruined his life, Larry continues using hoping to correct his dysmorphic body and eventually to look exactly like Chris Pratt.