#f.a3

(Name)’s response was a quiet grunt, too exhausted to give a real answer, and too focused on savoring the warmth from Tsumugi’s embrace. “I’m alright. Just... nauseous this morning.”

Why (Name) was always so set on downplaying their problems, Tsumugi never understood. Alright and nauseous were a contradictory pair of words, and he could feel how warm (Name)’s skin was to know that there was something wrong. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You did seem sluggish when we went to bed last night. If you’re feeling sick, I can call your work and—“ Tsumugi was interrupted by (Name) vehemently shaking their head at the thought.

“Absolutely not,” they stated in a matter-of-fact sort of tone. Standing up, they reluctantly removed themself from Tsumugi’s warm embrace and wobbled out of the bathroom. “I’m not sick! Just, uh, a passing stomach bug. I’ll sleep it off.”

There were still two hours before the two of them had to get up and start the day. (Name) already felt bad making their partner wake up so early; they didn’t want Tsumugi to lose more sleep over them. They stubbornly tucked themself back into bed, but, much to (Name)’s chagrin, Tsumugi walked back into the bedroom with a thermometer in hand. (Name) pulled the blanket over their nose and mouth, narrowing their eyes. “I’m not sick. Get that thermometer away from me.”

“You might have a fever, dear. May I please check your temperature?” Tsumugi was being as polite and gentle as possible, inching the thermometer closer to (Name), who continued sulking under the covers.

“Not sick, I’m telling you! Can we just please go back to bed? We have to be up in an hour or so, and I don’t want to lose anymore sleep over this!” (Name)’s stubbornness and determination was admirable, and Tsumugi would be lying if he said they weren't something he fell in love with. But he’d also be lying if he said that he wasn’t frustrated with the current situation.

Begrudgingly, Tsumugi let out an exasperated sigh before placing the thermometer on the bedside table and climbing back into bed. He wasn’t going to win this argument, and he was tired, so he had no other choice but to concede. (Name) did not even try to hide the triumphant relief on their face as Tsumugi wrapped his arms around them, pulling them against his chest. Their skin was almost hot to the touch; Tsumugi just knew they had a fever.

He changed his mind. He was not going to concede. Tsumugi rubbed gentle circles into (Name)’s back, lulling them back into sleep so he could do something about it. Maybe something (Name) wouldn’t approve of, but the ends justified the means.

(Name)’s head hurt. Very badly. They knew that before even opening their eyes, and when they did, they found the sun’s rays beating down onto their bleary vision. Something was wrong. Everything was quiet— their alarm was supposed to wake them up. (Name) shot up in a panic and looked at the clock on the bedside table.

10 AM.

Why didn’t the alarm go off? They’ve never overslept before! Name turned, prepared to shake Tsumugi awake, but found that the rest of the bed was empty. Now (name) was even more confused. Did Tsumugi wake up without waking them up? Why would he do that? (Name) suddenly remembered their little dispute early in the morning and their heart sank. They pleaded, please tell me Tsumugi didn’t do what I think he did.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Tsumugi stood at the doorway to their bedroom, a plate of food in his hands. Such a sweet gesture should have been met with an equally sweet reaction, but (Name) only felt their heart sink even lower when they realized that Tsumugi had also stayed home.

(Name) groaned. “I said I wasn’t sick! Did you turn off the alarm?”

“I know you’re upset,” Tsumugi started. “You have a fever. I checked your temperature. You need to rest, please…”

He placed the lovingly homecooked meal on the bedside table. If any of (Name)’s senses were working properly, they were sure it smelled and tasted delicious, and they wanted nothing more than to try it. But they also had to stubbornly resist out of principle.

Leaning over, Tsumugi pressed a kiss to their warm forehead. “You’ll be worse off if you don’t rest today.”

(Name) bit their lip. The idea of taking a day to rest and recuperate sounded so nice, but the thought of missing a day of work always stressed them out. So many things they could be doing right now were now things they would have to do tomorrow. 

With a defeated sigh, (Name) finally laid their head back onto the pillow. “It’s so hard for me to relax, Tsumugi. Especially with you here.”

Tsumugi seemed taken aback by their answer. He brushed his thumb along (Name)’s warm cheek. He hated seeing them so stressed. “Is it bad that I’m here?”

“I don’t want to be a burden. Didn’t you have a rehearsal to go to?” (Name) clutched the blanket tightly, pulling it further over themself in an to hide. Unlike their earlier, frustrated words, their tone and volume had become weaker and softer.

Tsumugi offered them a warm smile, which did wonders in easing (Name)’s chills. “You could never be a burden to me. I can afford to miss a rehearsal. And, you can afford to take a break, too.”

His offer was so tempting, and his tone was so sweet, but (Name) couldn’t feel content with it. Their brow furrowed, shutting their eyes tight. “I can tough out doing extra work— even though I’d prefer to get it done now —but, it’s not fair of me to make you miss a day because I got sick!”

“It’s unfair that such a diligent worker like you got sick” Tsumugi gently pulled the blanket down to fully uncover (Name)’s pouting face. “I stayed home to take care of you because I wanted to. I love you, the last thing I’d do is leave you while you suffer.” Tsumugi ended his speech by pressing a kiss to (Name)’s temple.

Too kind. All (Name) had was a fever that would likely be gone by the next morning, so there was no need for Tsumugi to say such sweet words. But, no matter what (Name) told themself, they knew Tsumugi’s sentimentality was one of the very many reasons they fell for him in the first place. Finally, (Name) believed that they could relax. Work could wait, but the breakfast Tsumugi made for them was beginning to get cold.

“You’re too kind to me,” (Name) sighed, a smile beginning to pull at their lips. “But, thank you, Tsumugi, for taking care of me. I hope you know I would do the same for you in a heartbeat.” 

Tsumugi let out a soft chuckle, feeling his heart warm at the hint of a smile on (Name)’s face. Alongside their stubbornness was a sweet and caring side that made Tsumugi feel like the luckiest man in the world every time he got to see it. He leaned forward, their noses mere centimeters apart. “Of course. I love you.”

“Hey, wait—! I’m sick, don’t kiss me!”

The bakery was crowded like the rest of the street. (Name) entered the back of the line, glancing at the display case after each person left to make sure no one took what seemed to be the only slice of cake. Of course, they had no less than ten other treats they wanted as a backup in case the cake gets taken, but their heart was set on the cake slice because it was love at first sight.

A few minutes passed and (Name) found themself nearing the front of the line. With only one person in front of them and the cake still on the shelf, (Name) let out a small sigh of relief. Prematurely.

“The strawberry shortcake, please.”

The words of the person ahead of their in line washed over their heart like ice-cold water. (Name) watched in horror as the cake slice was grabbed from the display case and given away. So close, yet so far!

The second the person ahead of them moved away from the counter, (Name) rushed forwards. “Is there any more strawberry shortcake left?”

“Sorry, no, that was the last slice we had for the day.”

(Name) had never felt a heartbreak as brutal. They let out a sigh, this time in despair, and looked back at the display case to decide on what they could get instead.

The customer in front of them tapped them on the shoulder. “Did you want—“

When (Name) turned to face them, they blinked. Juza Hyodo, the classmate who sat right in front of (Name). They weren’t quite friends, but they were friendly. All (Name) really knew about him was that the rest of Ouka High School thought he was scary-looking.

They never thought so, and now they never could. He was a deer in headlights— a deer that was about to enjoy a wonderful cake.

“… Juza-san?”

His worst nightmare came true. Of all the people who had to see him buying sweets, it had to be one of the few people who had taken a liking to him? Not only that, he took the last of the treat they wanted. This must be some sort of crime, he decided.

Without another word, Juza shoved the cake slice into (Name)’s hands and bolted for the door.

(Name) fumbled with the container until they had it securely in their arms, a bewildered expression on their face as they watched Juza run down the street. “W— Huh—?!” He was out of sight before (Name) had the chance to process what just happened, leaving them staring blankly out the bakery’s window. From the back of the line, someone shouted for (Name) to hurry up.

The impatient crowd pulled (Name) out of their state of shock. They apologized, not to anyone in particular, then turned back towards the cashier. “Um— could I have the slice of chocolate cake?”

Juza reached the end of the street with haste. He stared at the dead-end wall while catching his breath and ran a hand through his hair; things are probably worse now that he decided to run off! He embarrassed himself and can’t even wallow in self-pity while eating a delicious cake.

He wondered what (Name) was going to say to him the next day. They never seemed bothered by his reputation and always greeted him with a smile. But he didn’t know enough about them to know if they would be merciful and never bring up this incident again, or if they would tease him about it the next morning.

The only reason he turned around to offer the cake slice to them was because he heard their genuine disappointment behind him. He’d have probably reacted the same way— more subdued, of course, but (Name) was such a soft-spoken person that it shocked him that they reacted so strongly.

At least they could enjoy the cake slice.

Maybe he should’ve ran home instead of to the end of the street— the detour was going to make him come home later than he already was because of the stop at the bakery. He had some urge to stop at another place (no way he was going back to the bakery right after that scene he caused), but losing the slice of cake was probably a sign. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have any snacks at home, anyway.

He walked about three steps forwards before noticing the last person he wanted to encounter again was running towards him: (Name). Juza froze; he was at a dead end with nowhere to run, but another second of thinking made him think it would be cruel to run away again— (Name) looked like they were going to keel over the moment they stopped running.

That wasn’t far from the truth. Upon reaching him, (Name)’s knees hit the ground as they heaved for air. “Oh good,” (Name) panted. “I caught up with you..!”

Juza had no idea what to do. He stood still as (Name) caught their breath, trying to figure out why on earth they would run after him. If it weren’t for the relieved smile (Name) flashed before falling to the ground, Juza would’ve convinced himself that they were mad at him.

Moments passed and (Name) made an attempt to stand up again, which resulted in their knees buckling and nearly falling over— Juza’s body moved without a second thought and he grabbed their arms to stop them from falling. “Augh—! Thanks…” The words died in (Name)’s throat when they realized the position they were in. They stumbled backwards, out of his grip, and bowed their head in apology. “Sorry!”

The interaction happened too quickly for Juza to realize what (Name) was apologizing for. Whatever it was, it only fueled the guilt he was feeling. “... Sorry for embarrassing you.”

“Huh?” (Name) blinked, then shook their head. “You didn’t embarrass me! I’m sorry for making you feel awkward!”

Juza replied, “Sorry for… making you run after me.”

“I’m sorry for making you think you had to run!”

With all the apologies traded, Juza and (Name) were left standing in front of each other in uncomfortable silence. (Name) tried to pull at the hem of their shirt and remembered the reason they ran after him in the first place. Juza’s eyes widened as they held out a container with a slice of chocolate cake in it. “I’d feel really bad if i didn’t give you anything in return for the cake. If you don’t like chocolate, you can have the strawberry shortcake back..!”

He held himself back from taking the slice— it looked delicious, but he didn’t know if he deserved it after all the commotion. “You don’t have to…”

“You didn’t have to give me your cake, either,” (Name) retorted. “Please take it!”

They smiled so warmly as he took the container from them that Juza had to avert his eyes from the sheer brightness. “Thank you,” he said, though those words alone didn’t feel like enough to properly express the gratitude he was feeling.

“I didn’t know you liked sweets.” He expected a caveat at the end of their statement, something along the lines of, ‘because you look so intimidating,’ but that was all they said.

With his free hand, Juza scratched the back of his head. “‘Sorta embarrassing.”

(Name) tilted their head at him. “Hm… I don’t think so. Most people like sweets!” When he didn’t look convinced, they added, “but, I won’t tell anyone, so don’t worry.”

A weight suddenly disappeared from Juza’s shoulders. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out, and he looked away before (Name) could notice just how red his face was getting. At the second attempt, Juza said a quiet, “thanks.”

With his gaze averted, he didn’t see just how similar (Name)’s expression was to his own. Fidgeting hands covered their face in a vain attempt to hide from a certain realization they made in their mind.

“... Any time.”

(Name) huffed and crossed their arms. Itaru did the small kindness of pausing his game to be present in the conversation, but he didn’t seem too interested in the topic at all. He was lowkey about his interests, careful not to compromise his worksona. But he was also an actor who dressed in costume on the regular, on and off stage. (Name) didn’t understand why they had to beg him to put any thought into Halloween costumes.

Itaru raised his finger as if struck by an incredible idea. “Hey, if you want something fresh— Lancelot and Gwen?”

“... Are you fucking with me?”

The sharpness of (Name)’s voice caught Itaru’s full attention. He hooked his finger onto (Name)’s belt loop and pulled them close enough to press his cheek against their stomach. (Name)’s arms were limp at their side as Itaru tried his best at an apologetic hug. “Okay, okay, sorry. I was being a dick.”

(Name) didn’t move to reciprocate, even as Itaru squeezed them with all his might. “You are,” they scoffed. “... If you don’t want to do a couples costume, just tell me.”

Itaru pressed a kiss to (Name)’s stomach before leaning his head back to look up at them. “I wanna do a couples costume. Its romantic.”

“Then act like it? Are you gamer raging, or something?” Their stubborn resolve wavered as Itaru’s hand slipped beneath the hem of their shirt so his fingers could delicately trace up their spine.

“I wish it were that simple. My coworkers want to go drinking on Halloween, and all the children aren’t young enough anymore for me to say I’m taking them trick-or-treating.”

The children, (Name) reasoned, were the likes of Muku, Yuki, Kumon, and Azami. Maybe Sakuya and Taichi for how young they looked. None of whom have ever been taken trick-or-treating by Itaru.

(Name) blinked. “That’s how you’ve avoided going drinking with them on Halloween?”

“It was genius, I know,” Itaru lamented, although (Name) said nothing of the sort. “I got to avoid hanging out with them and I got to look charitable.”

“That was a stupid plan.”

Fingers poked at (Name)’s sides. “I can always count on you to say sweet-nothings.”

That finally got a laugh from (Name), and Itaru hummed in content as (Name)’s hands cradled his head, ruffling his hair. Itaru was paradoxical in the sense that he cared about looking cool as much as he didn’t care about being lame. He had no qualms about avoiding hanging out with his coworkers for literal years, but god forbid he be honest about it. No, he had to make up a fantastical tale about taking his young, fellow actors trick-or-treating.

“Just tell them you already have plans with me. You know, your partner? Someone who isn’t gonna get pissed at you for exploiting their youth for your personal benefit?” If Yuki or Azami knew that was Itaru’s go-to excuse, he would never hear the end of it. 

Itaru’s eyes sparkled with love and admiration. “This is why you’re my player two.”

(Name) cringed at the phrasing, but that was their boyfriend, the guy they loved— and the guy they were begging to do couples cosplay for Halloween, so they weren’t much better than him.

“Yeah, whatever,” (Name) huffed. “But, I won’t let you use that excuse until we decide on the costumes!”

Suddenly, Itaru was locked in. 

“Cloud and Sephiroth?” He suggested, then added, “I’d be Sephiroth.”

“You are clearly Cloud.” (Name) shook their head. “I was thinking Eren and Mikasa.”

Itaru tugged (Name) down, rearranging their positions until (Name) was sitting on his lap. He perched his chin upon their shoulder. “We’d be dressed exactly the same.”

“Not their season four designs! Besides, Mikasa has a scarf!”

He wasn’t convinced. Itaru closed his eyes and pondered hard about their options— and the fact that he was absolutely worthy of dressing as Sephiroth despite what (Name) argued —and the perfect thought occurred to him.

Itaru straightened his posture. “Mark S. and Helly R..”

That was a far cry from his awful ideas at the start of their conversation. (Name) grinned, “of course a woeful salaryman would want to dress up as a severed worker.”

They wrapped their arms around his shoulders rather than shoot down his idea. Itaru squeezed their hip and leaned forward. “Maybe I just want to see you dressed up like an office worker, too.”

(Name) raised a brow. “Don’t be weird about it.”

But (Name) kissed Itaru anyway, proving the point that they really were no better than him.

Banri made no attempt to stifle his laughter. He brought his hands to cup their face, squeezing lightly to squish their cheeks and make them pout. “You’re the cutest,” he mused, equal parts teasing and sincere. 

“Stop teasing me!” (Name) sputtered out, grabbing Banri’s wrists to try and wrestle his grip off their cheeks. “Now you’re gonna be cold! Take your jacket back…”

He didn’t let go without one last squeeze. “Nah. I’ll be fine. If I hold on to ya’ the whole time I’ll be plenty warm.” (Name) thought he was joking but Banri didn’t hesitate to snake his arm over their shoulders. With a quick peck on the cheek Banri smiled, “c’mon, let’s go.”

It was nice to take a walk without the crunch of snow beneath their shoes. The air’s lingering crispness walked the line between biting and refreshing, but now that the pair was clinging to each other, the temperature became much more comfortable. Banri rubbed his cheek against the top of (Name)’s head as they walked and put just enough of his body weight onto them to annoy them without slowing them down.

“Eugh…” (Name) groaned. It was like walking around with a weighted blanket, except the blanket had a smug expression and was all too content with mildly inconveniencing them. “Is leaning on me really necessary?”

There was a hint of irritation in their voice but they both knew they were just as amused as Banri. Otherwise they would have pushed him off already. Banri retaliated by pulling (Name) closer. “For sure. If ya’ had brought your jacket, this wouldn’t be necessary.” He tilted his head down to take a playful bite of (Name)’s ear. They shuddered at the contact and Banri delighted at the sight. “So, do ya’ wanna tell me where we’re goin’?”

The other day, (Name) returned to the dorms with an extra skip in their step and a twinkle in their eyes. Banri felt so lucky to be sitting on the couch with Tenma at that same moment. “Cute. What’s got ya’ so excited, (Name)-chan?”

They pressed a finger to their lips. “Secret for now. We can go for a walk tomorrow and I’ll show you!”

So Banri let (Name) drag him down Veludo Way because whatever got his partner so excited was going to be worth it. The smile on their face was enough for him, honestly.

(Name) took a moment to recover from Banri biting their ear before answering. “I noticed something when I was on my way back from the market! You’ll see when we get there— It’s proof spring is here!”

Banri didn’t hate winter. Winter sports were fun and he loved spending the holidays with all the important people in his life. He hated getting stuck with snow shoveling duty and his socks getting wet when he had to trudge through Veludo Arts’ unshoveled walkways. But those were issues with the weather and Banri didn’t feel too strongly about the season itself.

That being said, he was more than ready for spring to start. The melting snow was a fresh start and, if he were to use the director’s words, a time for actors to truly bloom on stage.

(Name) pulled Banri to a pond that was only a few meters away from the sidewalk, but was hidden by the normal hustle and bustle that took place on Veludo Way. He knew (Name) liked to relax here if they were walking by and had seen them on many occasions listening to music while sitting on the lone bench on the edge of the pond.

“There— Look!”

Banri followed (Name)’s gaze to a pair of ducks sitting on the shore. A mallard and a hen— a happy couple enjoying the water that had recently thawed. Their nest was somewhere in the plant growth that surrounded the pond and Banri expected to see a full family of ducks within the next month.

“Aren’t they cute? I’m glad the ice finally melted. Ducklings are one of my favorite things about spring!” (Name) looked up at him, smiling from ear to ear. They reached into their bag and pulled out a bag of birdseed. “I came prepared! Let’s feed them!”

Maybe ice wasn’t the only thing that thawed in the spring. For Banri, there was nothing more precious than (Name) at the start of spring; they were warmer than ever and shined with an infectious happiness. When they were smiling, so was Banri.

They were warmth he had all to himself. Banri loved to indulge. Before (Name) got too far away, he grabbed their hand. “Hey, (Name).”

(Name) tilted their head. “What’s up?”

And Banri pulled them towards him and leaned forward to capture their lips in a kiss. Their surprised gasp melted between their lips and they used their free hand to tangle their fingers in Banri’s hair. Banri’s settled on their hip and he squeezed out of pure instinct. Because he couldn’t help himself, he nibbled on their lips as they parted just to see (Name) squirm.

He held his whole world in his arms and looked at (Name) with the utmost love in his eyes. “Alright,” Banri grinned. He pressed another kiss to (Name)’s temple because he was too insatiable. “Let’s feed the ducks.”

He can’t help but laugh, even though he can tell (Name) is mortified. Banri kneels down next to them to help them pick up the change, and their fingers brushing for not more than a second was enough to make (Name) flinch and apologize. Banri drops the coins into their palm, gently holding their wrist to make sure they stayed still.

“Thank you…” (Name) bows their head and finishes paying the vendor for their taiyaki. They take a large bite in an instant— the perfect image of a stress eater. “You scared me!”

Everything scares (Name). All he did was greet them. For some reason, he finds that charming. “Didn’t think I’d see ya today. The weather’s nice, wanna take a walk?”

He has half the mind to hold out his hand for them, but he stops himself. Banri’s tries to initiate contact with (Name) don’t usually end the way he wants them to; they run away from that sort of thing. They’re not completely averse, but they’re chaste. They tap him on the shoulder to grab his attention and place a hand on his upper back when their conversations delve into more serious topics. The most intimate they’ve gotten was when (Name) gave him a hug on his birthday, and Banri is embarrassed about how much he thinks about that.

“Oh, sure!” (Name) waits for Banri to take the lead. “Were you walking back to the dorms?”

Banri was, but that would make for a short walk. “Nah. Let’s walk along the river.”

(Name) nods, and they walk in the opposite direction of the dorms. The walk is silent at first, with (Name) scarfing down the rest of their taiyaki.

Banri desperately wants to hold their hand. He’s going a little crazy at the thought. It’s frustrating; it feels like they’re on the cusp of a relationship, but (Name) keeps running away. They’re receptive until Banri tries to get closer to them, whether it be through trying to know them better or even just complimenting them. (Name) runs, and Banri doesn’t understand why.

Maybe Banri’s jumping to conclusions, but he’s confident that he isn’t. He really likes (Name), and he’s pretty damn sure that they like him back. (Name) just won’t act on it. Is he not obvious enough with his feelings? Do they think he doesn’t like them back? Banri has been flirting with them for the better part of the year, but they’re hardly receptive. Sometimes they are, and Banri can enjoy the way their eyes light up for a brief moment, and then it’s as if they catch themselves and cut themselves off from listening to any more.

But the rare times (Name) does let their guard down stay fixated in Banri’s mind forever. He daydreams about (Name)’s face burning up and the smile that seems impossible for them to hold back on initially. Their eyes sparkle like it’s always the first time they’ve ever heard something kind, and Banri’s absolutely enamored with the way they hide behind their hands when they get too overwhelmed.

Each time, it makes Banri consider confessing, but (Name) curls in on themselves and their eyes glaze over with an emotion he can never pinpoint, and he knows the moment has passed. Next time, he tells himself, and then it never happens.

He’s not known for patience, so someone should be proud of him for how long he’s waited for an opportunity that (Name) seems to keep just out of reach.

Banri wonders what goes on inside their head, and there were many times he came close to just asking them directly, but he chickens out of it. He’s no coward, or anything, but (Name) is so quick to shy away from him that he doesn’t feel like he can risk it. After all the time it’s taken to get this close to them, to break down the walls that they confine themselves with, Banri never wanted to do anything that would scare them away.

Still— he longs for their affection. He wants to hold (Name)’s hand and kiss them. He wants to be their boyfriend, and he wants them to trust him wholeheartedly.

“Banri-san?” He blinks. They’ve stopped walking and (Name) is tilting their head up at him. “Are you okay?”

He wonders how long they’ve walked in silence. “Ya, I’m good. Just thinking.”

“About college and stuff, since we graduate soon? ‘Cuz that’s been stressing me out,” (Name) sighs. They lean against the railing that guards the edges of the path and stare out at the river.

The early spring breeze blows some hair away from their face, and Banri watches as the setting sun against the water reflects in their eyes. It’s like orange fireworks, and something about it steels his resolve.

Banri joins (Name) on the railing. “Not that. I was thinking about you.”

He keeps his gaze on the water, but out of the corner of his eye he can see (Name)’s head turn upwards to look at him. “Huh…?”

To be honest, despite how much Banri has thought about this moment, he never really prepared what he was going to say. He’s never confessed to someone before; he’s had girls confess to him before, and he’s had one previous girlfriend, but Banri has never been in this position before. And he knows he’s far from eloquent and he almost wishes he had a script to read off of.

Except he doesn’t. It’s just him and (Name) and he’s flying blind. “(Name), I like you.”

Banri finally looks at (Name), who seems frozen in shock. There are a lot of ways to interpret that, and he prefers to be optimistic about his chances, but things were never that easy with (Name).

They made things like this difficult. on Banri, and on themselves. Because on one hand, (Name)’s literally dreamed of this moment. A dream they found so embarrassing that they hard a time talking to Banri the next day after they had it. They’ve had a crush on Banri since they first met, which was months ago at this point.

On the other hand…

“Stop,” (Name) frowns, their gaze falling to their shoes. “Joking about that is mean.”

Banri furrows his brow. “Who said I was joking?”

“You have to be. You’re always joking when you say things like that.” (Name)’s gripping the railing so hard it’s starting to be painful.

He doesn’t want to get mad. But Banri raises his voice, scoffing, “the hell are you talking about? I was never joking. I’m serious. I’ve been flirting with you for ages, (Name).”

That’s not right. It can’t be. (Name) knows that can’t be true. They’re not any of the nice things Banri has said— not even close. The opposite, actually.

They’re nothing but a burden. They can’t do anything right and they drag down everyone around them. Mankai has provided (Name) with more positive interaction than they’ve ever had in their entire life, and sometimes they delude themselves enough to enjoy it without a care in the world. They love gaming with Banri and Itaru. They love sharing dessert with Juza. They love eating lunch with Tenma and Taichi.

But (Name) doesn’t deserve it; they never have, and they never will, because that’s just who they were. When Banri compliments them, they’re charmed for a moment before their brain reminds them that no one would ever seriously say those things to them. It’s impossible.

Or maybe (Name)’s managed to fool everyone into thinking they were someone they weren’t. Maybe the only reason anyone talks to them is that they’ve convinced everyone that there’s something good inside of them, when the reality is that they’ve been rotting away for years.

That’s not fair to anyone. Especially to someone who thinks he has feelings for them. (Name) was being cruel.

“I’m not someone who’s worth your time.” (Name)’s voice is so quiet and shaky, it almost fades away on the wind. They wish it would, and that they could follow suit.

So that was the mystery emotion Banri always saw in their eyes when he complimented them— self-loathing. Banri hates that his first reaction to everything is anger, but it’s also too late for him to calm down. He’s beyond frustrated— at (Name), at himself, at whoever made (Name) think this way.

He leans over (Name). He’s not trying to be intimidating, but it’s difficult for him not to be— not that (Name) is even looking at him, anyway. “Who’s tellin’ you that?”

(Name) could give him a name but it wouldn’t even matter, because the best answer will always be themself. They’re their own worst enemy. “I am. I’m telling you.”

Their knuckles are white at this point and their wrist is shaking from how hard they’re gripping the railing. Banri makes a move to hold their hand, and as much as it startles them he provides them with some relief from their own tight grasp. “Well, I think you’re full of shit. I think you’re worth my time— worth my time and more. I think you deserve the world and you can’t change my mind about that.”

Only Banri could say something like that in such in an aggressive tone. But his tone would never matter in the end, because all (Name) hears is static. They don’t believe they deserve to hear any of those kind words. Their hand is limp in his, but their whole body is shaking.

“I like you, (Name). I like everything about you. I’ll say it a million times until you believe me.” The worst part is that they both know he’s serious. Banri pulls (Name)’s hand up towards his chest, trying to get them to finally look up again. “Tell me you don’t like me if you really just want me to leave you alone.”

That’s all (Name) has to do for this to end. If they say they don’t like him, this pain would end for the both of them.

But when (Name) finally musters some courage to look up, the adrenaline leaves their body when they meet Banri’s eyes. He’s sincere, but most of all, he’s hurt, and it’s all (Name)’s fault.

The sun had just dipped below the horizon, and the orange sky was fading into shades of purple and blue. The faint orange glow of the sun hiding out of sight illuminates Banri from behind, and everything starts to get blurry in (Name)’s eyes— they’re crying.

It’s their fault any of this happened. They shouldn’t have pretended like they were normal— maybe Banri wouldn’t have liked them, then.

(Name) pulls their hand out of Banri’s and uses it to wipe their tears, but it’s in vain because more keep falling. “I’m sorry,” (Name) croaks, and starts walking away.

Banri wants to chase after them; he takes a few steps in their direction out of instinct, but stops himself. Even in his blinding frustration, he knows that there’s nothing he could say right now that would fix this. Nothing he could say that would magically make (Name) stop hating themself.

He can understand the self-loathing that (Name) feels. Because, right now, there was nothing Banri wanted more than to be able to help them— but he couldn’t.

“What scares you so much about a first kiss?” Yuki asked, as if he had any more experience than Tenma did.

“I don’t know,” Tenma whined. “You can only have one first kiss! That’s a lot of pressure! I don’t want it to be bad for (Name)!”

Yuki raised a brow. “So your solution is to never kiss them?”

“Were you not listening?! I’m gonna do it! I’m determined!” For all he complained, there was a tiny part of Tenma’s psyche that saw the benefit of venting to Yuki. It was better to get this energy out then instead of using it to run away from (Name).

When it came to Tenma, Yuki’s face was always deadpanned and unimpressed. And while Yuki was definitely unimpressed about this, he let out a sigh before returning back to his latest sewing project. “Good luck.”

He was going to need it.

Three more dates had passed without Tenma finding the courage.

He and (Name) went to the aquarium. A giant ray passing over the tank above them felt like the perfect moment, but Tenma pretended to be excited by the sight of a seahorse instead.

He and (Name) enjoyed ice cream on one of the hottest days of the summer. Despite sharing a cone, Tenma kept his lips as far away from (Name)’s as possible.

He and (Name) attempted to be the ultimate winners of Mankai game night, only to get destroyed by the board game squad (who really shouldn’t be allowed to play on the same team anymore). When (Name) was leaving for the night, Tenma gave them a hug. Then froze when (Name) moved 1 centimeter toward his face. It was an awkward farewell.

Third time was supposed to be the charm, so Tenma reaching his fourth attempt was not a good sign.

“Just checking in— do you still like me?”

It was a disgustingly hot and humid summer day, so rather than going out and doing something, Tenma and (Name) laid on the floor below (Name)’s air conditioner. With (Name)’s phone playing music and the buzz of the AC, the pair were simply enjoying each other’s presence.

Until (Name) said that, and Tenma shot up from the floor. “Of course I do! Why would you ask something like that?!”

(Name), on the other hand, remained motionless on the floor, not even opening their eyes. “Maybe because you’re avoiding kissing me like the plague?”

Tenma’s shoulders fell. He had naively hoped that maybe his hesitance wasn’t too noticeable, but when his instinct was to literally run away, it would be hard not to pay any mind to it. 

Of course he was nervous, but the whole reason why was because they didn’t want to ruin something important to (Name). Tenma didn’t even consider the possibility that refusing to kiss them was equally as upsetting as having a bad kiss.

He sighed, looking down towards his lap. “It’s not that I don’t want to…”

(Name) peeked at him with one eye open. “It’s because you hate me?”

Tenma nudged their arm with his knee. “Stop putting words in my mouth!”

“I’m joking!”

Even if they were bothered by it, Tenma was lucky to have an understanding partner in (Name). Someone who deflected his emotional outbursts with playful banter.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Tenma repeated. He fidgeted with the hem of his pants. “I’m just nervous. I want our first kiss to be good.”

(Name) turned on their side, head propped against their hand, and looked up at Tenma. “Avoiding it altogether is a funny solution to that problem.”

“Yuki said the same thing,” Tenma grimaced. “Every time you and I lean in, I run away! I don’t know why! I—“

He was interrupted as (Name) sat up. “Close your eyes.”

“Huh?”

“Trust me?”

Tenma did trust (Name), so even though he was confused, he obliged their request. Maybe if he thought about it for a second longer he would’ve realized what was coming, but (Name) moved fast enough that their soft lips meeting his were an absolute shock. A short gasp was muffled by the kiss and Tenma opened his eyes in surprise. Does he kiss back? How does he kiss back? What does that even mean? Should his eyes be open? They probably shouldn’t. He closed his eyes again and tried his best to return the kiss, even with a complete lack of experience.

When (Name) pulled away, they giggled at the sight of Tenma’s eyes still being closed and his face being bright red. “It’s over. You can open your eyes now.”

There was another pause before Tenma actually opened his eyes, and he looked positively rattled by the experience. “Was it bad? You look like you’re about to cry.”

“I’m not! And, it wasn’t bad!” It was suddenly hard to keep looking at (Name) in the eye, so he shifted his gaze to the wall. “It was… really nice.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Tenma saw (Name) grin. In spite of the summer heat, (Name) rested their chin on Tenma’s shoulder, the side of their head brushing against his cheek.

“I thought the same thing,” (Name) smiled. “Now that’s a weight off both of our shoulders.”

Tenma wanted to believe the way his body was burning was a result of the weather, and he turned his head even further away. “… The first kiss was my whole goal for summer break.”

(Name) laughed, wrapping their arms around their easily flustered boyfriend. “Now the new goal can be as many kisses as possible.”

He might combust if that was the case.