I’m getting back into writing fanfiction during quarantine (I’m from the U.S so it’s still going on) and I was hoping you had some tips on how to write smut, specifically self-insert stuff. It’s cool and I’m excited, but also I have no idea what I’m doing 😬

Ok so I wrote out a massive list of these in big specifics but I DELETED IT BY MISTAKE, FUCK ME RIGHT

So here are some very very simple ones:

Most people aren’t just reading sex for the boning - they’re reading it for the connection. That goes beyond sensation and goes into what you feel in your soul. Talking about that is a huge thing;

People like the bodily fluids WAY more than you think. So don’t rush the cumming. Make the cumming a big dealerino. Make it something you really lavish - the sex doesn’t end just because everyone’s gone through the motions. Descriptions of bodily fluids are SEXY;

Have fun with it! Only write what you feel comfortable writing and enjoy. Go nuts with it. Don’t hold back! This was the biggest one I was worried about: would people like it? Value what I do? Am I too much of a pervert? In the end - almost definitely not. Go fucking nuts. You can always go DEEPER;

Get a good Beta reader. I’ve never had one, but I have had a community of writers and readers up my sleeve through my Discord to call on when times are tough. That’s always a good idea: having a community to ask “does this work?” and to send snippets to so they can hype you the fuck up is honestly writing bread and butter. Underrated to the max. Get on it! Or join mine and come talk about your work with us! I also offer more tailored advice there (link here);

Random Clyde HC: Clyde LOVES absurdist humour. He’s a big fan of British panel shows and sketch shows that essentially just focus on characters in crazy situations telling dry jokes; even though he himself seems pretty pouty-faced and serious. He’ll watch TV while he’s doing accounts for the bar in the back office and do these full-bellied laughs

I beg you I am very soft and now this is all I can think about

I...love him?

And him singing Bruce Springsteen to tiny little cacti. He’ll name them cute names like “Nugget”, “Pickle”, “Damien Finkleberry”. He’ll grow some spicy jalapenos or such and then the full moon will hit, and it’ll be one of those days he decides “I’ll stay at home this time, it’ll be fine”

HE’LL EAT ALL THE JALAPENOS AND THIS HULKING WEREWOLF WILL BOUND UP TO YOU, WHIMPERING AND DROOLING, MAKING THESE PAINED NOISES AND LICKING AT THE FRIDGE TRYNA COOL DOWN HIS SAD TONGUE

I asked @iamclydelogan to spare a few words, so I’ll had over to him for a sec

My dear sweet darlin’,

If I could be huggin’ you right now I’d be huggin’ you tighter than anythin’ else. I know you ain’t one for me bein’ too mushy on you, but I want you t’know there ain’t never a time I’m not thinkin’ of you.

My Ma always used t’go sayin’ that sometimes, it feels there ain’t nothin’ to be done for things but sittin’ down and cryin’. And if that’s what gets you through, then you cry your little heart out. But never go forgettin’ there’s someone out there who’d be wipin’ your tears away, if they could.

You’re the strongest person I know, an’ I know a lot of people. Hell, I’ve seen Earl split an apple down the middle goin’ on six beers down. Like he...he took the whole damn thing and just...twisted it in half. S’fuckin’ crazy, right? An apple.

Anyway, I’m goin’ on and on...

This life ain’t easy, but darlin’: if anyone deserves it to be, it’s you.

I love you, and you’re makin’ me proud every day.

Yours,

You mean what gift did he give her?

UNDER CUT

NOT WEIRD