Jul 16
i've been reading exurb1a's sublimia syndrome book and i just finished the myth of blue time part and god that broke my soul holy hell
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i've been reading exurb1a's sublimia syndrome book and i just finished the myth of blue time part and god that broke my soul holy hell
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I'd rather be than know
What’s worse than getting what you want, and realizing it won’t sustain you?
What’s better than lo- sing everything and reali- zing you didn’t need it?
"I fear that on my last day, on my deathbed, that is when the meaning of things will enter the room and kiss my forehead and whisper into my ear what it was I should have done with my life, and how I should've conducted myself. Hell isn't a fire pit but a museum of regrets."
- Exurb1a
It's fun to think that one day our great, great grandchildren may get that much closer to understanding what the hell creation is doing here in the first place, and glimpsing the underlying structure and nature of matter itself. Hopefully they won't live with the same existential horrors we all quietly face today in our own lives. There is a kind of bravery to our condition, I reckon: brought into being without an explanation, in a potentially infinite and apparently dead universe, and expected to just get on with it as though nothing strange is going on. Well it fucking is. And it's all right to have a meltdown about the whole affair from time to time, faced with the pressures of modern existence, trying to be a good human and a good worker and a good son/daughter/parent, trying to be a good citizen, trying to be wise without condescension but uninhibited without recklessness, trying to just muddle through without making any silly decisions, trying to align with the correct political opinions, trying to stay thin, trying to be attractive, trying to be smart, trying to find the ideal partner, trying to stay financially secure, trying to just find some modest corner of meaning and belonging and sanity to go and sit in, and all the while living on the edge of dying forever. We're all in the same strange boat, grappling with the same strange condition. But it isn't quite so scary if we all do it together. So let's do it together.
Art is not for fixing yourself.
It is for showing others that you are broken so that they might feel less alone.
exurb1a, Losing you.
https://youtu.be/UB0bI5e1hDo?si=h5uDuAZIUMrRIsI7
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If you do nothing else on this blog, watch this. I don’t care if you like me. This is a 17 minute poem.
What strikes me about Buddhism or at least about the path Buddha chose is that in order to seek moksha and nirvana, he left behind his family, his duties, and the world of ordinary life. To him, these bonds were illusions, mere maya. So he walked away, sat under a tree, and discovered detachment and enlightenment.
But today, people often romanticize that choice in ways that feel closer to escapism than to wisdom. Many of us are simply exhausted worn down by the demands of a restless, capitalist world. Some are too depressed to keep going, so the idea of “leaving everything behind” becomes tempting. Yet in truth, most of us remain attached to jealousy, greed, anger, the need for attention and validation. These very attachments are what keep us in suffering, and abandoning life without addressing them doesn’t free us; it only hides the wound.
Real detachment, I think, isn’t about running away. If we could truly see the world as it is impermanent, fragile, even absurd then renunciation might not feel like an escape at all. But to me, the higher path lies not in leaving life, but in living it with open eyes. To carry on despite suffering, to serve your family, to show up for your duties, and to be present for others while knowing in your heart that everything is passing, and that in the end we are nothing more than atoms that is where wisdom lives.
True enlightenment, then, is not fleeing the world but standing within it, quietly free. As the Gita reminds us: Karmanye vadhikaraste, ma phaleshu kadachana we have the right to action, but not to the fruits of action. To act with love and responsibility, yet without clinging that, to me, is the most human form of enlightenment.