#expressing anger

It's also interesting that when abusers and people in power are angry, they can pretty much do whatever they like. Say no to them, they're having crazy revenges, they're tearing apart your stuff, they're starting wars, they're telling you how they're going to kill you in detail, no self restraint, no consequences, nothing. Anger is theirs to do as they please with and in response the society is just, too scared to do anything, so they assume that this specific anger is 'justified' and 'cannot be helped'. However when victims of something are angry, then they're labelled as 'unreasonable' and 'dangerous' and 'unable to move on from things'. Their anger is a problem that needs to be squashed, erased, there's apparently no justifications for these people to be angry, nothing that is reasonable or okay for them to do about it, they just get demonized and shamed for having a completely rational response to injustice.

Is that it then? Those who are able to act out on their anger, get justifications and obedience, but those who are helpless but angry for very good reasons, are just to be suffocated? Anger is allowed only for some parts of human society and it's the most violent, destructive and dangerous part of it too? Where is this getting us? Is the amount of injustice ever going to decrease if we defend injustice, and fight for it to keep going on?

If I look up ways to express anger, I get stuff like 'anger management steps', and 'letting go and moving on from anger', like excuse me. I didn't even get to express 1% of my anger and I need anger management? I have never had problems with controlling my anger, the struggle is to get it out at all! To integrate it into my personality, to hold people accountable without having to think about it, to show resistance when I'm being stepped on! What anger management? Why am I pushed to move away from anger, I haven't even arrived to anger!

Why is it assumed that every person who struggles with expressing anger is a maniac breaking things, enacting revenges, trying to injure or murder people, lashing out and doing harm to everyone around themselves. I can guess why. Because all of the resources are created for people who are letting their anger run wild without a cap and who use anger to get their way. The world is adjusted for people who are allowed to be angry, who were never pushed to the point where getting angry meant loss of survival, where expressions of anger would lead to torture. I am apparently not even considered to exist. I'm either a maniac or not a target audience for anger resources.

If someone's been traumatized out of being able to feel angry, people don't think it's worth having this person angry. It's very obvious this person has giant reasons for anger, so if we let them feel it, they could become 'dangerous', or 'just like their abuser'. You know, being angry at the abuser does not make anyone like the abuser, it makes them Normal. Rational. Having Self Worth. Human. Logical. Reasonable. Engaging in everyone's best fucking interest because you know that abuser is going wreck havoc forever and if nobody is even angry at them, it's giving them an even easier time. Anger is scary when it's in hands of abusers, in the hands of victims it is liberating, just, it puts things into perspective and back where they belong.

On an even more sinister level is the fear that the therapist will find the patient’s anger so unacceptable that he will banish me from his office. I know of several instances when the patient was astonished that I did not reject them after an expression of anger at me. The astonishment came from the fact that they feared, having shown anger, they were no longer worth having around. It's a variation on the old saying about “Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.” How many of us fear that we may be worth throwing out, especially when we show the angry side of ourselves. How many parents such intolerance of their child’s angry expression that they communicate wanting to throw them out. It goes something like this, “I’lll keep the good, adorable good child but get rid of the child who is angry and crying.” There are those who believe they will  injure their therapist if they express their disapproval. Sometimes this is a projection onto the therapist of their own feeling of fragility or fear about someone being angry at them. The fact is that any good, well trained therapist is able to tolerate and accept those times when there is anger or disapproval directed at them. When that happens it is helpful for the patient because they learn healthier ways to not only express their negative feelings but to experience feeling acceptable even so. So, when you are asking if you should express your anger at the therapist, the answer is yes. That way the two of you  can sort out the details and separate reality from distortion for both of you. It is important for the patient to learn to be open and honest, especially if as the relationship moves from guarded at the beginning to the building of more trust. Regardless of the type of psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, group and family therapy, etc, real growth cannot happen if the patient withholds his thinking and feeling. 

Any psychology, psychiatric, mental health, pagan or witchie person interested in helping me deal with a strange anger management problem. I am having problem venting my anger. I have anger management, that worked to damn well and it is hard for me to connect to my anger to properly vent it in a way that I can feel the emotion of anger and openly vent it. 

I get angry, but it is a very passive anger or a frustration at best that can’t make me think strait and both doesn’t help me get in touch with my inner anger and express it. I know how I would express it, via writing or art or journaling. But when I get to expressing it, the anger is like a sedated in such a way that it is no longer seen as anger any more. The best way that I can describe it is like a defanged, declawed tiger with a scared cat personality more than likely would hide than attack. In other words this tiger (me) needs to get her inner tiger back, fangs, claws and all. 

They can last from 20 seconds to five minutes, I've sometimes had longer but rarely, and once it's over I will dissociate and go do something else, forgetting I've even had a seizure until later I find I'm not able to breathe properly and remember what happened.

I didn't know why I was getting these, and then I was doing an exercise to try and process a traumatic experience, using the process I found in the 'Overcoming Mind Control and Ritual Abuse' book. The part of the exercise was to take every emotion you felt during the trauma, and put it in a box. I was easily going through emotions of fear, panic, grief and terror and putting them into a box, until I got to anger, and the second I thought of it I got a seizure. Which clarified to me, that the seizures were the product of unprocessed anger.

Learning this information inspired me to try and be more angry, but I haven't had any actual progress, I have trouble getting angry if there's nothing to set me off, and if I am angry, I feel so frustrated and out of control, I just want to calm down. My symptoms of unprocessed anger got worse; my shoulders and neck are so tense and rigid now they're in constant pain, my jaw is painful from the constant stress and I am gritting my teeth during sleep, causing them to hurt as well. I can't physically hit or kick anything because at this point it hurts my neck.