#explaining life

evil people

Everything in life is and isn't all at once. Existence is a track of overlapping stripes. A 50/50 split of black and white that overlap one another. The overlap is the grey, which isn't black or white, but it is both white and black at once. The grey is all of existence. We can explain life using the black and white, that 50/50 split, but truly, it's all grey.

They: Why are you down?

Me (thinking): Because I'm turning 30 in exactly 2 weeks, I'm still living with my parents because i can't afford to pay rent, my body says it wants offsprings and the only guy I'm seeing is a younger unreliable happy-go-lucky guy who only has traveling and freedom and bs in his head who is also pretty far away so i don't really see him either way, and i have to do way too many things but too little time, and there are so many bills to pay, and winter and shitweather are coming, and...

So you want to lose some weight. Here is what did it for me.

Eat yoghurt for breakfast. Don’t eat after 7:30pm. And reduce bread, pizza and any other doughy things. This, and get an energetic boyfriend. Spend time with him, get attached, let the thing go long-distance so you don’t meet for another half a year. In the meantime you can get the fuck stressed at work, also get a food poisoning (preferably during Easter or any other big holiday which is related to Lots Of Food. That way you can’t eat regardless whether you want or not). Then meet that boyfriend again. Keep being energetic. Go back to long-distance.

Taken from here

ENFP: *Sweats nervously* NOTHING IS WRONG. NO IT’S NOT. I WILL JUST CHUG 45 COFFEES AND STAY AWAKE UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO REFRAME THIS AS A GOOD THING.

INFP: *Retreats to meditate for five straight days until their energy is re-aligned with their new set of circumstances*

ENFJ: HOW IS EVERYONE ELSE DOING REGARDING THE THING THAT IS GOING WRONG? Have no fear. I’ll formulate a plan to get you all back on track within two years. Don’t worry about me, I don’t need to sleep for the next two years!!

INFJ: Ah yes, I figured this would go wrong. Everyone can stay at my place while they figure out what to do next! Just figure out what to do next quickly, maybe?

ESTP: Something’s gone wrong? You don’t say. Alright give me ten minutes and some duct tape, I’ll fix it.

ISTP: Yeah, things go wrong all the time. Just leave me alone to tinker with it, I’ll find a shortcut to get us back on track.

ESTJ: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I REST FOR A HOT SECOND. Alright everyone assemble, here’s exactly what we’re going to do to fix this.

ISTJ: I’ve been working for ages to ensure this wouldn’t go wrong. But since no one else thought it was a problem, here we are.

ESFP: Something went wrong?! Oh thank God, I was getting so bored!!

ISFP: Maybe if I wrap myself up in a huge cocoon of blankets the wrong thing will just resolve itself?

ESFJ: *Blood pressure spikes* OKAY IT’S OKAY WE CAN FIX THIS but we all need to get on the SAME PAGE.

ISFJ: *Breaks out in cold sweat* You guys, the ESTJ has a plan, maybe let’s just listen to them?

ENTP: *Starts inventing a solution to the problem, then gets distracted by a more interesting problem and solves that instead* *Several months later remembers the original problem and hires someone else to solve it*

INTP: *Reads everything that’s ever been written about how to solve the problem.* *Forgets to actually solve it.*

ENTJ: *Establishes what will eventually be the official procedure for solving the problem in the future.*