#expl*

number one lee is a real texas boy and wears cowboy boots and dean, after he goes home the first night they go to the bar, parks the car and just turns off the ignition and like. sits. head in his hands absorbs a thought. he has a full on crisis but in his head he's like i'm normal i am normal i will be normal about this.

i also think this is maybe a little more than a yearish ? after cassie? (i just see dean and cassie having their few months in the fall i think.) anyway he hasn't really been close with anyone since then and by this point he and sam have stopped talking completely so this is coming on the heels of an extreme bout of loneliness and sometimes he catches himself smiling and laughing so easily and it floors him. they're splashing around in the lake one day and then they crawl up onto the bank and flop on their backs exhausted, and dean literally says out loud: if this ain't nice, i don't know what is.

let's say we're talking about this universe, i don't think dean would've told cas about the whole i let benny bite me and we sort of fuck while that happens because he's very deeply embarrassed about it and it's only a thing he would've started in purgatory where there is no societal eyes upon him (or almost anyone's eyes, actually, just his own but if he feels removed enough from society he can like, decide to agonize about stuff like that at a later time). but cas does find out that benny has been biting and feeding off dean because well, the evidence is sort of right there on his neck - and so dean feels like he has to reassure him that it's fine. cas is very much, do you want me to kill this guy for you? because i will totally kill this guy for you. (the middle part of this ask gets a little explicit, skip to the last paragraph if you don't want to read that.)

and so dean has to go, "no i - cas. i, um. it's okay. he doesn't hurt me." and cas just squints at him until dean says, "i uh, i like it."

and this conversation goes on and dean is extraordinarily embarrassed but pleased that cas offered to kill benny for him but also very much doesn't want him to kill benny. anyway this all comes to a head where cas is finally like, show me. so i understand. and benny in his head is like okay i see what's going on here, and dean in his head is like i think i might die, this is how i die oh my god.

so they do show him except it's just the blood-drinking because neither of them want to make the first move in front of cas but dean is very much getting off on cas watching this above and beyond the way he normally gets off on it but benny and dean won't do anything about it and eventually cas tilts his head and asks, "do you want him to touch you?" to dean and dean is like god yes. and cas sort of directs the scene from there, and benny sort of goes along with it because it's clearly making dean lose it and he always wants to see that. and like always benny holds him and tells him how good he was and how pretty he looked afterwards but this time cas crawls closer and wraps a hand around his ankle and asks, is that what you wanted?

anyway this is all to say i think cas and benny think each other are like, fine, but what they're really interested in is the way dean is captivated by the other and they're both like hell yeah we want to take this man apart. sometimes when dean is asleep they talk about dean as a person and cas says stuff about how beautiful dean's soul is, about how he might do anything for him, about the way his eyes light up when somebody lets him talk about cowboys or star trek or dr. sexy. benny says stuff about how he's never met a man quite like dean, how he always has his back, and laughs at the way he's grumpy in the morning and he pouts just so. and they also are like god you know how he gets when he's in a Mood and they commiserate over stuff like that, too. meanwhile they bicker incessantly during the day and in front of dean.